Priestess Rap Battle, an inuyasha fanfic

Priestess Rap Battles

Song-fic inspired by Whitney Avalon's "Princess Rap Battles" Summary: The usual InuYasha visits Kikyo behind Kagome's back, so Kagome gets tired of becoming second place to Kikyo. Kikyo and Kagome compete in a Priestess Rap Battle for three rounds, but here's the catch: the winner will win InuYasha's heart, but the loser has to leave InuYasha alone… for good. Who will win InuYasha's heart? Read and find out. I don't own Rumiko Takahashi's work of InuYasha and Whitney Avalon's "Princess Rap Battle Songs".

Kikyo's Song Lines = Bold

Kagome's Song Lines = Slant

InuYasha's Song Lines = Slant with Underlines

Naraku's Song Lines = Bold with Underlines

Feudal Era

It was another night in the Feudal Era where the InuYasha and his friends all came back to Kaede's village after another journey to seek Naraku and the Sacred Shikon Jewel shards. While Kaede is preparing supper for InuYasha and his friends, hilarity ensues as Sango attacks Miroku for his typical lecherous moves on her; Kirara relaxes on Shippo's head as he licks his lollipop that Kagome gave him as a snack; and Kagome punishes InuYasha with his beads of subjugation because he insulted her for being a slacker on their journey just because she wants to visit her family or take her school tests on the other side of the well.

As Kagome leaves Kaede's house with her weapons, InuYasha catches a scent that he recognizes from outside. He not only smells bones and graveyard soil, but he also sees the soul collectors of the dead heading to the Sacred Tree, which could only mean one thing- Kikyo is nearby. InuYasha dashes away from Kaede and his friends to the Sacred Tree, and by the time he got there, he sees Kikyo touching the mark where she pinned him to the tree for 50 years. When Kikyo hears a footstep from behind her, she turns around as she smiles to InuYasha. InuYasha runs to Kikyo, hugs her and kisses her, but what he doesn't know is that Kagome witnesses them from behind the trees. Kagome bravely comes out of her hiding place and tells them, "Wow! I can't believe you. You are so pathetic."

InuYasha stops kissing Kikyo as he lets go of her from his embrace, and sees Kagome walk away from him. InuYasha asks, "Kagome… how did you know I was here?"

Kagome answers, "Miroku and Sango told me at the river where I ran into your brother and his companions. I'm done coming in second place to Kikyo, InuYasha."

As Kagome continues to walk away, InuYasha chases after her, but Kikyo stops him. Kikyo says, "You're going to chase after my copy, even though you admit your love to me?"

InuYasha says, "Kikyo, I'm sorry, but you're not the same person I fell in love with. I changed after fifty years, and so did you. You only loved me if I would become human to spend my life with you, but Kagome loves me for the way I am… as a half-demon."

Kikyo becomes so enraged that she starts to chase Kagome, and InuYasha chases after Kikyo to stop her from harming Kagome. When they reach to the Bone Eater's Well where Kagome was about to jump back into her own world and leaving Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara, InuYasha spots Sesshomaru with his companions, Master Jaken the imp; Rin the human girl; Kohaku the demon slayer and Sango's brother; and Ah-Un the lightning-thunder two-headed dragons close to the well. InuYasha holds Kikyo back as Kagome turns around and sees InuYasha holding back Kikyo. Kikyo screams, "You wench. We are going to settle this once and for all. You stole the heart of a man I love, and you are going to pay. I challenge you to a duel, which the winner will win InuYasha's heart, but the loser has to leave him alone… for good."

Kagome gets out of the edge of the well, and challenges Kikyo to a duel as she says, "Bring it because it's on!" Kikyo summons Tsubaki the dark priestess in a young youth, Kagura the wind sorceress, and Kanna the mirror demoness as Kagome summons Sango the demon slayer, Rin the human girl, and Ayame the female wolf demon. Before the duel starts, a cyclone dashes and Koga appears with Ginta and Hakkaku before them. He asks, "What'd we miss?"

Shippo says, "Kikyo challenges Kagome to a duel, and the winner will win InuYasha's heart, but the loser has to leave him alone forever." Obviously, InuYasha has punched him in the head, while Ginta and Hakkaku support Kagome and Koga cheers at her, "Go Kagome! Beat the dead woman, so you can be with the mutt!"

Kagome confusingly blushes at the cheer as InuYasha growls at Koga, but Miroku confusingly blabs, "Wait, I thought you want Kagome since you fell in love with her."

Koga admits, "I did, but before I met her, I fell in love with Ayame and promised her to be my wife."

Miroku thinks, "That pretty much explains it."

Ginta and Hakkaku say in their mind, "About time Koga admits he loves Ayame!"

Kohaku shouts to Sango, "Good luck, sister!"

Sango smiles at her dearest brother as Master Jaken announces the duel challengers and Shippo helps him out. Shippo announces Kagome, "Starting in one corner, 5'2" with the purest heart and souls who we all love and adore, Kagome Higurashi!"

Master Jaken announces Kikyo, "And in the other corner, a 160 pounds of dead souls with a tainted heart, Kikyo the dead priestess!"

InuYasha punches Shippo and Master Jaken on their heads so hard that they receive bumps where InuYasha punched them. Miroku shouts, "Round 1 of the Priestess Rap Battles: Kagome vs. Kikyo! Let the rap battle begin!"

InuYasha and Sesshomaru say, "Priestess Rap Battle?" as Miroku just shrugs, indicating that he just thought of a name of a priestess duel. Kagome starts,

When there's looming battle to be faced and fought, the lesson is: get right to it

Practically perfect people prefer to be polite, but sometimes you just have to say "screw it"

You never get applause

You're the dependent cause

You're known for making decoys

By my rapping skill destroys

I'm money in the Banks so show some respect

If you tear me up like paper then I'll resurrect

And I suspect you should check your cholesterol twice

Hey, fat cat, how are you at catching mice?

You're like a piecrust, so easily smashed

I'll feed the birds what's left of you once you've been trashed

I hear it's been years since you got rigid

Today's forecast says you're entirely frigid

After Kagome finishes her lines, Koga, Ginta, and Hakkaku shout, "Ooh", and Kikyo starts her lines.

Don't go there, honey, the word around town

Is just a spoonful of sugar gets you to go down

The fox on your slayer's cat does nothing but protest (Hey!)

You're a stuck-up girl, ho-ho-horribly dressed

The biggest mission since ever, we help the lasses

With you a couple kids get splinters in their asses (Cheeky!)

When Kikyo smacks Kagome at her butt, InuYasha was about to hurt Kikyo until Sesshomaru and Miroku hold him back.

Your rhymes are weak- you're a low stakes player

Come at me, freak- I'm one-horse open slay ya

I'm behind the scenes, but that doesn't mean I'm dumb

I run the village, keep the herbs, and advise my sugarplum

I'm a priestess; all about these rules, a big broad bruiser

Even your reflection thinks you're a loser

Kagome yawns at her lines as she continues her own:

I find this a bore, let's double it up

Kikyo agrees with her plan to make the duel more challenging and says her line

Oh, bring it on, sister, we will mess you damn up!

Kagome winks at InuYasha, and he comes to Kagome, but Kikyo summons a miasma with her pair of shikigamis and Naraku appears. Kikyo stutters at InuYasha, "InuYasha."

InuYasha yells, "Naraku."

Naraku smirks at Kagome, "Kagome."

Kagome pretends to mispronounce Kikyo's name like "Kinky-ho?"

Kikyo hisses at Kagome as InuYasha helps Kagome in her battle. He sang:

Extemporized before your very eyes

Love to laugh at jolly guys I despise

I likes what I raps and I raps what I likes

Because damn right Yasha rocks these mics

You're an icon of greed that's perverted the season

You give herbs to bad kids, Kagome teaches 'em reason, she's

Kagome adds her lines with InuYasha's song lines:

Super classy, swagolistic, extremely ferocious

I could do this whole verse backwards, but I truly feel

I'm through wasting my time, because you're not even real

Kikyo and Naraku sing their song lines together

Fool, I'm real and I'm spectacular

This dyke can't stick to fight or vernacular

Your ugly clothes might impress a dunce

But my sack holds billions of presents at once

The whole world counts down to whatever it's worth

Winter is coming, I'm the "Priestess of the North"

Drinking one tea a year has made us rich

My aura's never wrong: it says you're a bitch

Kagome and InuYasha have their turn to say their verse of their song lines

Please don't act like you're some kind of saint, Naraku and Kikyo

Always spying on minors, that's jailbait foe

Kikyo and Naraku continue on with their verse

This boring copy wench needs a long winter's nap

You've been a naughty girl, shut up and sit on my lap

As InuYasha was about to attack Naraku, Kagome stops him and sings:

That's quite enough of that, the winds have changed here

Let's see how well you fly without your own dear.

Suddenly, a spell of air surrounds Kikyo and Naraku as they rise to the night sky, but the soul collectors are able to save Kikyo and land her to the ground, but they are not able to save Naraku as he escapes and vanishes, leaving his incarnations, Kagura and Kanna, with Tsubaki and Kikyo. InuYasha goes back with the guys as Sesshomaru steps up between Kikyo's group and Kagome's group. He says, "Round 2 - Go!"

He steps back as Ah-Un's mouths activate thunder and lightning at the sky, and Kikyo starts her turn to sing her rap lines at Kagome as Kikyo's team just follows her:

Another priestess in my shadow come to covet my crown?

You clowns wanna throw down with the best in a gown?

I'm the legendary story of rags to riches

As Kikyo sings her verse in the second round, Kagome shifts her eyebrows and rolls her eyes as her team shakes her head, indicating that her lines are weak.

Rhymes sharper than a needle and I'm giving out stitches (ha!)

Like a wilting rose, you can't step to my flows

These girls are trippin', did they cut off their toes?

I deserve all the praise for the foot-fetish craze

I've got itty-bitty kicks, but legs for days

Let's look at your mentality, Freud loves your abnormality

The Stockholm Syndrome Story: Beauty and the Bestiality

Of course you're bitter, I'm the number one star

Soul collector carriage, perfect advantage, no one cares who you are

Kagome starts her verse with her team and sings:

What's my name? (Kagome!) What's it mean? (Birdcage Beauty!)

I'm the perfect combination of brains and booty

While I'm gaining knowledge, you're losing your pumps

The boys watch Kagome's team make a fighting stance with their fist close to their faces.

Like Jinenji and her mom I'm serving shots and dishing out lumps

Kinky's dreaming she's important, well, somebody should wake her

This jewel-guarding priestess the master archer

Fear the nerdy, wordy priestess 'cause I'm throwing more shade

Than the sacred shrine growing on your dead body's grave

Kikyo and her team have surprising looks on their faces on what Kagome just sang as the boys snicker about what Kagome sang to Kikyo was hilariously funny.

Your tale as old as time sets us back fifty years

Do your chores, shoot demons more 'til a man just appears

You're shallow and obsessed with looks and how you're dressed

You wanna live like Onigumo? (Hmmm?) Please, be our guest

Kikyo continues with her lines to make them sound like they're better than Kagome's:

Oh, I'm the one who's shallow 'cause you're hero is a half-breed

InuYasha was in the friend zone 'til you gave him weird food to feed

Your points have no merit, you're jealous, declare it

Like I've always said: if your room in his heart fits, love it

I'm the world's dream with a fantasy wedding

You've got fiddlers for friends and I think your man's meddling

Some things are meant to be like love at first night

Bibbidi-bobbidi-booyah he was mine before midnight

Kagome chuckles as she sings as her friends follow her:

A relationship rookie wants to rap about romance?

You can't fall in love after just one fight dance

My man saved my life and don't be misled

I want a human in the street but a half-demon in the bed

Your tragedy stars mice and cats with an old, fat fairy

Your silly story's shoehorned into freakin' "Tom and Jerry"

You say you want to party, next you run off down the falls

It's like you always choke once you make it to the balls

Kagome and her team giggle and so did the guys as Kikyo finishes her verse:

You think that's funny? Here's a history lesson, honey

My sacred powers saved the village when we were out of money

You followed in my footsteps, without me there's no you

I built an era out of the blue

Kagome rolls her eyes at Kikyo as she finishes her lines with the help of her team:

If you're so adored, where's your Sacred Jewel award?

I'm the smart female heroine that can't be ignored

The moral of our quarrel and why I've got you beat

It's what inside that matters not the size of your hatred heat

As Kikyo and Kagome got close to each other's faces, Koga steps in between them and says, "Easy there, girls. No need to go hasty."

Kagome pushes on Kikyo, saying, "Ready for the last round because I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go."

Sango, Rin, and Ayame hold Kagome back as Kikyo was about to charge at Kagome until Tsubaki, Kagura, and Kanna hold her back, too. Ginta and Hakkaku finally have their turns to announce the last round of the priestess duel. "Kagome vs. Kikyo. Let the final round of a rap battle to win InuYasha's heart begin!"

Kagome blows air on her fingernails and cracks her knuckles like she is preparing for the final battle to fight against Kikyo. Kikyo starts:

It's not lame that my aim here's to tell you the truth

I'll kill you out of the area like Midoriko in her youth

Got a Sacred Jewel for a duty to purify as one and the same

The fact that you can't claim the same is really a shame

I'm the original priestess, you're a copy of a copy

I'm porcelain and perfect and your floppy hair is sloppy

I'm fragile but agile, rarely cross

I am sweet, you can greet, I'm a treat, like a boss

Finally, Kagome gets ready to fight fire with fire in huge flames at Kikyo.

Who the hell are you to step to me?

An aimless airhead with a vitamin D deficiency

You got no skills 'cuz you're focused on your looks

And let's get to what was up with you and those seven shnooks (Hi, ho!)

Kikyo opens her mouth wide enough that Kagome referred her as a ho and her soul collectors as shnooks, and InuYasha laughs at her as Kagome continues.

I've heard you sing- it's a high-pitched chirp

Kagome- You're dopey.

Kikyo- You're grumpy.

Kagome- You're a bashful twerp.

That squeaky, meek demeanor is an awful choice

I can drown you out right now with my powerful voice

Ooohhhh oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Kikyo and her team cover their ears and after Kagome finishes her verse, Kikyo continues her verse.

Um, you should know, that's not singing, you're just yelling

At least now I can't hear the mean lies you're telling

You could've grieved with him from the start

But no, you're the one who's really got a frozen heart

You were selfish and deluded when it comes down to it

Had the chance to do better, but like a failure, you blew it

As for your powers, they're hardly legit

You built a new era with nowhere to sit

Does it really count as sacred magic if when you let it go

The only thing that moves is the arrow and a bow?

I talk to children and it always impresses

You're just a healer as a damsel-in-distress

Kagome finishes this round with an icing on the cake. She sings:

That's right, shooting an arrow with a bow, I'm the best at that game

Which means you're under my control 'cuz that's your stupid name

And who rises from the dead from bones and graveyard soil a stranger steals from ya? (Duh)

And who needs a man to steal and go to hell with ya?

Kikyo feels like she is going to be defeated by her reincarnation. Kagome and her team dance with a beat as the guys watch them finish off Kikyo.

I'm savvy, strong, single, and so independent

You're the weakest role model while I am transcendent

You're a forgotten bygone, yes, time is the cruelest

I'm the newest, the boldest, and literally the coolest

Kagome unleashes a sacred power from her hand, and Kikyo's team look scared of what Kagome is about to do. Kikyo watches Kagome shoo her away, and Kagome finishes the round:

So step aside and hide, go find a village where demons have been seen

You're one ditzy dead priestess, I'm a mother-freaking priestess queen

Kagome throws her sacred powers from her hand to Kikyo's body, which turned her to bones and graveyard soil mixed with ashes as the soul goes back to Kagome's body. Kagura leaves with her feather, Kanna vanishes with her mirror, and Tsubaki turns back into an old woman.

The guys cheer for Kagome's team because they won all the three rounds of the priestess duel. InuYasha walks to Kagome as she gives him a sad look on her face. Kagome starts apologizing, thinking that he hates her for killing Kikyo. "InuYasha, I'm sorry about what I just did to Kikyo. I thought I didn't have a choice, but please don't hate-"

InuYasha stops her talking with a simple kiss on her lips as he places his hands on Kagome's back of her head and back-waist. Kagome places her hands on his right shoulder and left cheek. Kagome continues talking, "…me."

InuYasha confesses, "I don't hate you. I love you, Kagome. You love me for who I am, as a half-demon. Sure, Kikyo is my first love, but it's all in the past. Kagome, I was wondering if you can be my present and future."

Kagome asks him a dumb question, "Are you asking what I'm thinking you're going to ask?"

InuYasha gets down on one knee as Kagome and everyone else gasp. InuYasha asks her, "Kagome, will you do the honor of marrying me, making me the happiest half-demon man alive, and becoming my mate, my wife?"

Kagome sheds tears of joy, even though InuYasha thinks that she is shedding tears of sadness. InuYasha begs, "Kagome, please stop crying. I hate to see you, the woman I love, cry."

Kagome says, "I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm happy that you proposed to me."

InuYasha asks, "You are?"

Everyone else asks, "You are?"

Kagome nods and answers to InuYasha, "Yes, and I would love to be your mate, your wife because I want to marry you, and make you the happiest half-demon man alive who I love and adore since the day I first met you."

InuYasha asks stupidly, "You do?"

Kagome nods and says, "Yes! A million times yes!"

InuYasha hugs Kagome and spins her around like he found a swan, which turns out to be his lover.

THE END!

* I know there are changes in the lyrics, but just thought I make it like how the InuYasha characters say it.