Notes:
Follow up to (1) "Do You Ever Just Want to Give Up?" and (2) "Through My Eyes" and (3) "Strongest Together". Can stand alone, but better together.
I thought writing these things would help me sort through my thoughts about (the incredible character of) Regina. It turns out, however, that all it does is add more thoughts. Which leads to more stories… well, you get the idea.
I've been exploring her mainly through the character of Emma (because their relationship is so strong) but a few others make an appearance here. I'm not actually sure why - I just follow where Regina leads. Sorry if David sounds like a girl… I'm no good at the male voice.
Still labeled SwanQueen because it really is the driving relationship in these stories, even if that relationship is a tad undefined. No sexytimes because of my legendary awkward. I'm still considering hiring that bit of writing out because, with each passing story, they seem more and more like more than friends and holding them back just seems mean. :-)
Regina stood outside of the Charming's loft door and stared at it, raising her hand to knock and then dropping it abruptly. She scowled at herself and then raised her hand again. Then dropped it again. Her scowl escalated into a low growl of displeasure with her own uncertainty and she raised her hand a final time and rapped smartly on the door.
Then she waited.
Emma had texted her quite early that morning mentioning that Snow (Mary Margaret to Emma) had the plague and that she and Henry desperately need to stay at the mansion until she was better. Emma was, of course, prone to flights of exaggeration and Regina was able to determine that it was merely the flu, although it did sound as if she was quite ill.
The exchange lasted only a few minutes and was resolved with the opening of one of the mansion guestrooms, but it stayed with her much longer. Regina knew that both David and Emma were working and that Snow was, therefore, alone.
Sick and alone.
The thought gnawed at her through her morning meetings and stole her attention from the paperwork she tried to complete between them; Regina had been both of those things often throughout her lonely life. By eleven, which was only lunchtime if you squinted at the clock and didn't focus too hard, Regina was heading to Granny's and picking up a container of the chicken soup that had nursed Henry through every childhood bug he'd ever contracted, and a few she still believed he'd made up.
And now she was standing in front of a door that she had finally managed to knock on after a ridiculous number of false starts. She listened for the sound of movement in the loft and heard nothing. She raised her hand to knock again and then dropped it to the door knob instead. When her gentle twist caused the door to swing inward, Regina scowled again. While it was true that the Storybrooke crime numbers were low, the sheer number of dangerous portals and lose hell beasts surely dictated that one lock one's doors.
Regina made a mental note to scold Snow for the lapse later and slipped silently into the main room, pulling the door closed and locking it behind her. She'd been to the apartment a few times before with either Henry or Emma but wandering through the family area and into the kitchen by herself felt odd. She clearly had no right to let herself in and she had to constantly remind herself that her mission bore no ill will.
She tried to remain silent but it turned out to be impossible to reheat the soup without making some noise and, as she was finishing up, she heard soft and uneven footfalls behind her.
"Regina?" The voice was soft and thick with both sleep and illness and in her mind's eye Regina saw the Snow from her past, the small girl who loved her and longed for a mother figure. The pain that flared in her chest was startling and she adjusted the stove settings slowly to allow herself a brief moment to gather her emotions, and her expression.
But masks were one of Regina's greatest skills and it only took her a moment. Then she turned towards her charge and admonished her gently. "Snow White. You should be in bed resting."
Regina saw Snow's breath catch slightly and she knew that Snow was thinking of earlier times as well. Regina shut that thought down completely, lest the pain overwhelm her right then and there, and strode towards the sick woman who was leaning against the island counter heavily. Regina gathered her against her side and took the place of the counter, bearing most of the burden of keeping Snow upright, and guided her slowly back to her room.
Snow's head was resting against Regina's shoulder and Regina had to duck her head slightly to be heard. "Come Snow. Back to bed."
Snow offered no resistance and allowed herself to be guided back between the covers. When she tried to slide down though Regina stalled her movements with a gentle hand. "Sit up for just a bit. You need to eat something." When Snow shook her head disinterestedly Regina stroked her upper arm. "Please. Just a bit." Uncertainly, knowing she had no right, she added, "For me."
Snow had been slightly dazed throughout the encounter but her eyes sharpened slightly at the last bit and then, after something that looked like deliberation, she nodded her assent. "Alright. A bit."
Regina felt a smile ghost across her lips without her permission. It wasn't the smile that she shared with Emma, but it was genuine all the same. Her trip back to the kitchen was quick and she had the stove off and soup portioned in no time. She had to magic over a folding tray from the mansion and then she was headed back towards Snow.
She was still sitting up but her sharpness seemed to be fading. She clearly had a fever and it seemed to be taking a lot out of her. Regina hadn't brought much of the soup but she doubted Snow would be able to stay awake long enough to finish it.
No matter.
Regina placed the tray in front of the young woman and held out the spoon. "Can you… Do you need help?"
It took an extra beat than was normal but Snow took the spoon gingerly and began to take gentle sips of the hot and healing broth. She continued this way through about half of the bowl with a smile tugging gently at her lips, and Regina's heart, until her eyes started to drop closed on their own accord.
Regina was watching her closely and noticed at the very first flutter. She took the spoon from Snow's slightly trembling hand, and the tray too, and placed it off to the side. Then she held back the covers and helped Snow slip down farther beneath them.
The sick woman sighed heavily and Regina was sure she was already asleep. But, as she turned to attend to the tray, she heard Snow behind her. "You'll stay?"
She turned back and looked into the hooded eyes. She felt the sadness and regret of years lost welling in her chest again and had to push it brutally down. Even though she had no idea what any of this afternoon meant, she knew her answer without thinking. "Of course; until Charming returns. I'll be right here."
She turned to pull over an overstuffed chair and by the time she was settled next to the bed Snow was asleep. She woke every so often and glanced towards Regina, and then drifted back off, reassured.
Much later, when a key rattled in the door and David entered with an unnecessary amount of noise, Snow woke more fully and looked up at Regina with clarity shining in her eyes even as Regina rose from her chair to leave. Her time was up. But in the final seconds she had before Charming entered and broke the spell completely, she bent over Snow and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
Then, in a poof of magic, she was gone.
Emma wandered down the main staircase of the mansion much earlier in the morning than was strictly necessary for her to get to work on time. The truth was, and she was working on being completely honest with herself these days, that she wanted a chance to talk to Regina.
The Mayor had arrived home much later than normal the evening before in a terrible funk and offering no explanation, either for her mood or her tardiness. Emma was well aware that how Regina chose to spend her time was none of her business, even if she was temporarily living in her guest room, but Regina seemed close to tears the entire evening and she was worried sick. Even Henry was concerned; he kept shooting Emma anxious looks over his dinner plate that Regina was too preoccupied to even notice.
Even after Henry went to bed she'd continued to try to engage Regina in conversation but she was closed off in a way Emma had never experienced before, and that was saying something. She'd stayed up much later than she'd planned, waiting for some opening, but eventually she'd had to give up and get some sleep.
As she entered the kitchen that morning she found her friend in much the same state as the evening before; she was going through the motions of her morning routine admirably but her stare was unfocused and the slump in her posture looked completely wrong on the normally regal woman. Emma sighed and wondered if Regina had even gone to bed at all.
Determined to make some sort of connection with Regina before they had to part ways for the day, Emma padded to the counter next to her and leaned against it with her elbows. She bumped shoulders with Regina softly and was rewarded when Regina turned towards her and establish a hesitant eye contact. "Good morning, Emma."
A smile ghosted across Regina's features and Emma felt her heart sing immediately in response. But before she could even begin to take advantage of this opening the doorbell sounded and startled them both. They exchanged quizzical glances and then Emma shrugged and led the way to the door.
Emma really didn't know who she expected at this hour but finding David there was a definite surprise. Her thoughts went straight to Mary Margaret. "What's wrong? Is Mary Margr…"
She didn't even get to finish her thought. David's eyes had settled on her for only a moment and then scanned behind her, looking for someone else. When Regina came through the entryway he moved towards her with purpose.
It only took David three long strides and he was standing in front of Regina. Emma followed closely behind, slightly concerned, and pulled along side the two as David grasped Regina's hand ever so gently in his own. Regina face was a completely inscrutable mask, even to Emma, but as he pressed her right hand over his heart and then covered it with both of his, the mask cracked and Regina pulled in a shuddering breath.
"You were there last night. With Snow." David's statement seemed nebulous to Emma, seeing as she still had no idea what was going on, and she stepped closer to the pair and placed a hand against Regina's back in support. She loved her father more than she would have thought possible but, for reason's she didn't understand, she still didn't trust him with Regina's well being.
David hadn't really asked a question, but Regina answered him anyway, with a slight nod of her head. "Yes, I stayed with her. For a time." Emma detected only the slightest waver in her voice and was amazed; Regina was practically vibrating with tension.
David was either oblivious or unphased. He just smiled, somewhat sadly Emma thought, and pressed Regina's hand tighter against his breast. "In the entire time we've known each other I've never believed you to be capable of anything but Evil. All of this," David gestured to the house and Emma and towards Henry's room upstairs, then replaced his hand back over Regina's on his chest. "I knew it couldn't last - that you could never overcome your hatred. Snow believed in you every second of every day, and I humored her because I could afford to wait to be proven right."
Emma still had her fingertips resting lightly against Regina's shoulder and the small vibrations of tension were replaced by a tremble that made Emma's heart hurt. Why was he doing this? He had her hand, couldn't he feel what he was doing?
"David," Emma tried to interrupt but he continued on as if she hadn't even spoken.
"And last night, when I came home and Snow was crying, I knew it was you. Few people can touch her that deeply and I could still smell your magic in the air and in that moment, I wanted you dead. And I was prepared to make that happen." The remembered feeling made David frown.
"But she grabbed my hand and I looked at her and she was smiling. My True Love was crying and smiling and I was still smelling your magic and as sure as I had been for so long that you had nothing but Evil inside you… in that moment I was just as sure that I had been wrong. For all of these years I thought I knew you," David shook his head. "I didn't know anything."
David took a small step closer and very little space remained between them. The moment was thick with intensity and Emma could see that their eyes were locked together.
"Regina, I gave up on you and I am so sorry for that. Please accept my apology."
Regina's mask was completely obliterated and her face contorted into a heart breaking combination of sorrow and regret. "You have nothing to apologize for. You and I live in the real world and know what I am. It is I who should…"
David interrupted her immediately, and with conviction. "You've been apologizing every day in little ways that I willfully ignored. Please," he repeated. "Accept my apology."
The silence that followed was profound and was broken only by the sounds of their breathing. Regina was searching David's face and he just stood there, allowing himself to be an open book.
Finally, Regina's hand flexed against his chest. "You're a good man, Shepard. Your apology is not required but it is accepted." Regina shook her head and looked to the floor. "So much time wasted…"
David nodded solemnly and returned Regina's hand to her side with care. "No more." He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss against Regina's cheek and Emma felt it steal her breath away. Then, as quickly as he'd come, he was pulling the door closed on his way out and Emma and Regina were left standing in the foyer.
"Regina," Emma breathed. "Are you…"
The sound of Henry's footsteps interrupted them and Regina pulled herself away from Emma's hand. "I can't. Not now." She begged with her eyes and Emma understood that Regina's need to be strong for their son was ingrained deeply and she couldn't let him see this part of her.
So Emma took a step back as well then turned towards the stairs and deftly wrangled Henry towards the kitchen even though he clearly intended to make a beeline for Regina.
Regina followed them in a moment later with her emotions tightly under control, but it was tenuous and Emma worried that it would be too much for Regina to maintain. But they somehow made it through the morning routine, getting breakfast eaten and the day's schedule solidified, and finally Regina was closing the door behind Henry as he trotted down the drive towards the school, blissfully unaware.
The two were left alone, again, in the foyer and Emma watched as Regina leaned her forehead wearily against the closed door. Emma approached slowly, carefully, mindful that not too long ago Regina had begged her for space.
She was an arm's length away when Regina turned and buried her head into Emma's shoulder and her arms engulfed the brunette, completely of their own accord. A sob tore from Regina's chest, and then another, and Emma gathered her impossibly closer, whispering absolutely nothing of importance in her ear as the emotion poured out of her. They weren't tears of sadness or joy or regret or relief. They were an expression of years of too much emotion, good and bad, for one person to bear alone.
Emma held her tightly, for a long while until her tears ran dry, making it clear that Regina wouldn't have to anymore.
End Notes: This one made me sad… well sadder than usual. I might have to throw in a lighter hearted one soon. Not next, I don't think, but soon… we'll see what Regina thinks. :-)