Chapter_01
I used to be afraid of letting someone else read the things that I wrote.
What if they think my plot is silly or uninteresting? What if my writing is too simplistic? Or, worse, what if it is too complicated and scares my reader away? What if they think there is too much of a romantic sub-plot? Not enough romance? More steamy, sex scenes? Oh, goodness, I could never let someone read those writings! I'd be so embarrassed. Everyone in Mineral Town would be so shocked to know a girl like me writes about things like that!
Though I prefer a profoundly, deep novel, even I can't help but indulge in descriptions of overly-detailed and completely over dramatized love-making.
That's pretty much why I read fanfiction.
I read fanfiction every day, and when I'm not reading I'm writing. And when I'm not doing either of those two things, I am reading a novel for inspiration for my own fanfiction. I eat, sleep, and dream fanfiction. It's all I do.
Not many people come to the library. Mineral Town is very small, so our library isn't very well stocked and there isn't much of an interest among the townsfolk for reading. The only computer in town is located here, in the library. The mayor extended the funding to my family so that we could use the computer to store important data about the town for him: property deeds, tax documents, birth and death certificates…
But I use it for fanfiction.
My heart used to be so heavy with sadness when I thought about how secluded I was in this rural town. I didn't really have any friends. Sure, I had the kids I had grown up with, but I never really fit in with them. I mostly kept to myself, distance growing between me and the other kids as our interests no longer aligned. I found solace in books. I read and I read, eventually trying my hand at writing, though I never thought myself to be a very good writer. If I wasn't writing fiction, I was writing in my journal. I felt less constricted that way because journal entries can be as formal or informal as you desire them to be!
When we first got that computer, I didn't think much of it. I didn't have to because it wasn't really any of my business. But my dad was too busy and Mayor Thomas was too old, so no one really used the damn thing. It sat there in the library, ignored and pushed into the dark, dusty corners of the library. Like me. No one needed me either. I used to look at the thing and think that. I also thought that it looked cute. I developed a strange affinity with it. One day, I decided to turn it on. Buh-limp! It seemed to purr like a kitten as it booted up, and I couldn't help but think that the noises it made were absolutely adorable. I think I may have fallen in love.
We spent hours together. Or, if you prefer, I spent hours on the computer. I customized my desktop to display scenes from my favorite anime series. I typed out all of my stories and saved them onto the hard drive, neatly organized and hidden under a multitude of folders, aptly titled so only I would know where they were. On the off chance that someone did use the computer, I didn't want them reading my potentially reputation-ruining writings. Once my parents found me using it, I began working for the Mayor—keeping all of the documents for the town in order and helping him keep track of important deadlines. He called me his "executive secretary." I called myself a swindler because the work he needed me to do went by so quickly that most of my time on the clock was spent writing my own personal fiction. I was no better than Won.
Eventually, we got internet in Mineral Town.
urrrr EEEE urrr NNNGGGG CRRRRcrrrr KEEEEEEE grrr nnnnnng budum-budum-buh…BEEEEE BOOOO ZMMMMMMM…
Connected!
Oh, that feeling was like no other! I got so incredibly excited to hear it. It was a portal to everything that wasn't available to me in Mineral Town. Community. Friendship. Inspiration. Companionship. Love. The internet had everything the real world didn't have for me. It was truly amazing.
I was a part of many fandoms around the internet. I went by the screen name "senshi_of_silence" because I'm, obviously, a huge weeb for Sailor Moon. Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturn are my top two favorite senshi; I have always related to them. Being secluded from others like yourself, seeking your purpose in the universe, and learning to accept yourself no matter who you are-these are just a few of the similarities I shared with them.
In the real world, I was the shy librarian who rarely spoke. Who always had her nose in a book or her head in the clouds; her hair messily tied back as not to impede on her ability to read, her glasses thick and her skin even thicker.
"Yoo-hoo, Earth to Mary!"
I looked up to see Karen and Ann, two childhood "friends" closing in on me as I relished in my last bit of solidarity.
"We've been calling your name for like 10 freakin' minutes!" exclaimed Ann as she ran up to my spot in the grass, "we were down at the Goddess pond, calling your name, but you were up here in La-la Land!"
I sighed, not assertive enough to say that I was unhappy about being interrupted, but also too eager to get back to reading to completely hide my distaste for their presence. Patiently, I waited for them to continue as they took their sweet time.
"We want to ask you a question," stated Karen as she stood above me, blocking the sun with her sturdy presence. I put my hand over my framed eyes and looked up at her, still waiting for them to ask the damn question.
"Soo…?" questioned Ann, her red hair tangled into what used to probably be a braid.
"You have my attention. Ask your question."
"We want to use your computer-"
"No!" interjected Ann as she scowled at Karen, "we want to ASK you if we CAN use your computer."
There was a long, long silence. Eventually, I looked back down into my lap, pretending to be interested in my bookmark.
"There is...uhm, a lot of confedantial information on that machine. I-I...would have to get permission from the Mayor first, and it would be such a hassle you know and-"
"Oh, Mary, come on!" sighed Karen breathlessly as she sat down next to me in the grass, "pretty, pretty please? Can't you do a favor for friends?"
Friends, huh? She hadn't called me that in a long, long time. I almost scoffed at her.
"I suppose I could do it... for a friend."
Karen looked up at Ann, her emerald, cat-like eyes glittering with a smile as Ann clapped her hands together in celebration. I proceeded to stand up and gather my things. They followed me back into town, not saying a word to me, just chatting away about a new, cute guy who was moving into town, talking between themselves as if I wasn't even there. As usual.
"Hey!" called out Karen as I opened the door to my house, "isn't the computer in the library?"
"It is," I said calmly despite my racing heart and the pit in my stomach from the impending confrontation.
"What the hell then, Mary? You said you'd help us out!" Karen's voice was angry and I was tempted to immediately apologize and take her and Ann into the library, but I had had enough.
"I said I would help a friend out."
And with that, I shut the door in her face. I felt slightly bad for Ann, she had never been particularly mean or nice to me, but she was Karen's best friend so she knew what she was in for. Screw Karen, I had had enough of her shit.
My heart kept beating and beating the whole night as I replayed the confrontation over and over in my head. It made me angry; Karen probably yelled at least 10 times a day. I raised my voice once and I could hardly handle it. It just hurt my feelings so much that no one ever talked to me until they wanted something from me.
Later that evening, after my parents had went to bed, I slipped out of my room and headed down stairs. Our house was part of the same building as the library, so I could enter it from within our home. The library at night was absolutely magical. I would open a window and the cool breeze would gush in, flooding the room with the music of the night. I did all of my best writings at night. But I wasn't going to do any writing tonight.
I opened up the folder with all of the property deed documents. Click, click, click, I knew exactly what I was looking for because I had just edited this document a week or so ago. Yep, there it is. The Official Property Deed to the Tara Farm had recently been sold. It had been a complicated transfer for me to do because the new owner did not actually buy the land, it was gifted to him by his grandfather who had unfortunately passed away this past Winter season. Once I confirmed the spelling of his name, I intended to do a quick query online to see if I could find any information about him.
BUDUM!
I hurriedly turned the volume down on the computer. It was probably impossible for anyone to hear me, but still, I didn't want to take any chances. The little message box popped up on the screen; the familiar gray and blue window that displayed my only view of him.
donald_triumph: hey i didnt think u would be on tonight!
I sighed dreamily, my heart racing as I thoughtfully typed out my words on the screen.
senshi_of_silence: Hi! Yeah, me either. I'm just doing something for work, so it was kind of unexpected.
donald_triumph: Oh i see. Well speaking of unexpected
(donald_triumph is typing...)
senshi_of_silence: ?
donald_triumph: Its hard for me to say this but Im going offline. Its weird bc weve never met in person, but i feel like i know u so well despite that. After talking for almost a year through forums and instant messaging, i feel like you actually know me better than people in the real world do. But some things are going on in my life right now and Im afraid I wont be able to talk to you as often because i probably wont have internet access where im goin
donald_triumph: Im really sry
donald_triumph: :(
senshi_of_silence: I'm so sad to hear this. We really have grown close through this strange thing called the Internet :P you are probably my best friend, despite not knowing your real name or even what you look like lol
donald_triumph: well maybe we could change that?
senshi_of_silence: I still dont feel comfortable telling you my real name and where I live though... I'm still not 100% sure you aren't a rapist :P
donald_triumph: LOL
[Last message sent at 11:37 PM.]
donald_triumph: srry I was thinking of something to say since this is the last time we will talk for who knows how long
senshi_of_silence: That's okay. It's still so sureal. We've talked almost every night for the past 8 months! I don't know what I'll do on here if you're not here...
senshi_of_silence: surreal*
donald_triumph: i know...
donald_triumph: i wish i knew the real u
senshi_of_silence: What do you mean?
(donald_triumph is typing...)
donald_triumph: its just that we know everything about each other online but i dont know anything about the real you
senshi_of_silence: This is the real me. The me that exists in the real world isn't really who I am. If you knew her, you probably wouldn't like her at all
donald_triumph: i think i would
[Last message sent at 11:53 PM.]
donald_triumph: as soon as I get to a computer ill message you and we can get back to writing, alright?
senshi_of_silence: Alright.
donald_triumph: promise ull continue writing? i expect at least 2 novels to be completed when i talk to u next!
senshi_of_silence: Oh my gosh, you're leaving for THAT long!
senshi_of_silence: LOL :D
donald_triumph: im sry we couldnt talk longer on our last nite but i g2g
senshi_of_silence: It's okay, I understand. I'm glad I got on and was able to talk to you before you left :*(
donald_triumph: ill miss u
donald_triumph: ill get online and talk to u as soon as im able to
(senshi_of_silence is typing...)
senshi_of_silence: I'll be looking forward to when we talk again. I hope everything in your life is okay, I know we don't talk a lot about our "real" lives so I don't really know what you are dealing with right now, but I think things will get better for you. I will miss you so much, please please message me as soon as you are able to!
donald_triumph: thanks :)
donald_triumph: well ill ttyl
donald_triumph: goodnight
senshi_of_silence: Talk to you soon! Goodnight~
[donald_triumph logged off at 12:07 AM.]
The screen became blurred as tears fell down my face. It was silly to be so upset over someone I had never met, but I had grown so attached to this person that it really was like losing my best friend. How pathetic I was that my best friend was probably some 40 year old man who was probably lying about everything he told me. My mom was so afraid of me talking to strangers on the internet, so I never told her about him. We never exchanged any personal information about each other. Even though he asked on a few occasions and I was tempted to comply, I figured it wasn't worth the risk. It was best to remain anonymous on the internet.
But as I watched him log off for the last time, his name turning gray and falling into my Offline Contacts, I couldn't help but second guess myself. Maybe I should have given him my address or my phone number. What if he never gets the chance to log back on?
What if we never talk to each other again?