Drunken Songs
By- ainaak ka-lyrra
"Crap! We forgot that we were supposed to be at the school twenty minutes ago!" Ron cried in panic. Draco and Neville looked him in horror. Their wives would kill them!
"Come on lets get the hell out of here then." Draco said as he hopped up from his seat. Neville and Ron nodded in agreement as they all headed to the door. "Ahem, are you forgetting something?" the bartender asked in amusement.
They all turned as one and saw that Harry was laying face down on the counter, his hand curled around a empty glass cup, and just stared at him before looking at each other. "Oh shit" they said in unison. Apollymi would kill them if Harry came stumbling into their sons class ,full of 5 year olds, drunk.
Oh well they would just have to wing it and hope the girls wouldn't notice.
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"Harry why are you drunk?" Apollymi demanded as soon as they stepped into the class room. "I'm... not" Harry paused, as if wondering what the hell he was saying. "Drunk" he said from no where, pretty much slurring his words.
Apollymi stared at him before she turned to the rest of the boy and glared them, her silvery blue eyes swirling dangerously. They gulped.
"I can't believe you went out, got drunk and then come walking in thirty minutes late!" Hermione hissed angrily and they all shrank back ever more. "Would it help if we said sorry?" Ron asked meekly. Ginny glared at her brother. "No" she said flatly.
"Hey little boys and girls, I'm going to sing a song for you" they heard suddenly and they all turned and paled when they saw Harry standing in front of the classroom with a guitar in his hands, that he had some how managed to find. "It's called 'The Night Santa Went Crazy'" Harry chirped cheerfully.
The five year olds heard the word Santa and cheered happily. The old Hogwarts students looked horrified as the music started playing.
(The Night Santa Went Crazy- By- Weird Al Yankovic)
"Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"
The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped
Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain"
The little children stared up at him in shock, before they burst into tears. Lily and Jamie smacked their hands onto their foreheads, Harlem and Solar was looking at Harry like they had never seen him before, Harlan, Python, Eclipse, and Panther looked like they were trying not to laugh with Draco, Ron and Neville who had all stumbled out of the room to crack up.
Harry blinked in confusion as the teachers tried to get the small children to stop crying.
What did he say?
THE END.
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The song is in my profile if you want to hear it.
Please Review and tell me what you think.