I have had countless nights where I did not sleep, whether it was because of an injury or up all night planning an attack but this night. This night was by far the worst.
Losing track of how long I had been here sat on a chair that began uncomfortable but gradually my body became numb to it. My legs were stretched out in front of me resting up on the cabinet next to the window as I watched the city sleep. But I couldn't stop my gaze from drifting back and forth between the window looking out on sleeping Brooklyn and my phone laying there on the old bedside table waiting for the notification sound to go off, waiting for Magnus to reply; to accept my apology. But part of me knew that maybe this time it was too much he couldn't take anymore and this, this was his way of punishing me. I deserved it.
"Alec?" Called a concerned voice from the doorway, turning round to look at the person the voice belonged to I saw Izzy standing there in her black high heeled boots that cut off above her knees, leaving a handful of skin before the matching black dress ending with the zip done up revealing the grey bra underneath. Usually a brotherly protective comment would come out of my mouth but my eyes locked on the red pendant around her neck that rested just above her angelic rune. The necklace Magnus let her keep. The necklace that had caused Magnus and me to meet.
"Alec please tell me you aren't still torturing yourself?" I sighed. "Magnus just needs some time." I really wasn't in the mood to talk about my feelings let alone Magnus so I proceeded to change the subject "Is a vampire better or worse than a Seelie?" I rhetorically asked, knowing full well what I was doing she played along "At least he isn't a mundane, now that I'm sure you would hate." I conjured up the best smile I could give her to convince her I would be fine, "I better go Simon is waiting."
As she turned to leave the room shutting the door behind her she turned to look at me one last time "Everything will be fine Alec, just get some sleep." And with that I was alone with my thoughts once more. Beaten I made my way to the unmade bed that I had been avoiding for hours. It felt good to lay down after sitting in that wooden chair for so long. I closed my tired eyes, unwilling to let sleep take over for the dreams it might bring, memories it will make me relive. I was relieved to hear voices shouting from the distance as they kept me from falling, that was until I figured out who the voices belonged to.
"I just don't know what to do Robert." Maryse sounded hurt as her voice slowly got clearer. Hearing them approach my room, I got up and stood in front of the door ready to step out and confront them. "Maryse he's in love what can you do?" Pleaded Robert but all it caused was her to scoff. "Love? What would he know of love?" "Maryse please" I heard my father call after her as she walked away from my room. Before I knew what I was doing I had my hand raised above my head, with a crystal glass in it from earlier when Izzy had brought me a drink. It launched towards the wall smashing into thousands of piece scattering all over the wooden flooring, creating a rain like sound as the glass hit the floor.
"Alec I'm so sorry. I overheard them arguing, are you okay?" stammered Clary from the doorway, how long had she been there? I kept my back to her as I hurried to wipe away the tears that had begun to fall down my cheeks. "Not now Clary." I scolded as I bent down to pick up the broken glass, catching my hand on a shard "Shit!" Clary came cautiously but quickly over to me to look at what I had done to myself.
Taking my hand, she lead me to the bed and pulled out her stele "No I don't want it to heal that way." Hesitantly she put it back in her pocket, I don't know why but I feel the need to explain myself, but why to her of all people. "It's just…the pain it's distracting." Understanding why she proceeded to pick out the glass that was in the cut then headed to my bathroom to get a wet cloth to clean it with and a bandage. As I sat there watching the blood slowly seep out of the cut, I remembered my mother's harsh words from days before that had caused Magnus to end things.
/
"He is a downworlder, you have disgraced us once before. if you wish to have this dare I say relationship then it will not be in front of any of our extended family or the clave" Hissed Maryse as she paced the floor in front of me, looking at my dad for support which I knew I wouldn't get but I was desperate. "I'm not going to the wedding without Magnus." Maryse's whole body tensed at my words. "Fine then maybe this will make you listen. Either you don't bring Magnus or we don't allow Izzy to date that vampire anymore." I don't know why I was so shocked at her making this ultimatum, but I couldn't form any sentences in my head that would make her listen.
"Do you remember what happened at the last wedding. I am not having you and that downworlder embarrassing our family again Alexander! That is the final word on the matter!" I shot up from my seat the anger starting to take control as I went to speak she put her hand up stopping me "Don't you even dare say anymore on this matter. Just leave. Now." Protested Maryse as she took the seat behind her desk pretending to do the paperwork that was laid out.
/
I didn't realise Clary had been talking to me until she was looking me straight in the eyes her face covered in concern, "Are you okay?" I felt a tear roll down my cheek, it fell off my face and landed on my hand I hadn't noticed that she was finished bandaging it up. "No I'm not okay. I haven't heard from Magnus since he ended things. He won't let me explain myself." Clary was fiddling with her rings, "Do you want to know what I would do if it was me in your situation?" I nodded at her for once genuinely wanting her advice. "I wouldn't stop trying until Jace forgave me. I would make him listen to me, to let me explain myself and what I did. Because I'm sure you had a perfectly good reason for doing whatever it was that you did Alec."
She reached a hand out to me, placing it on my shoulder comfortingly. "I have tried." Clary smiled at me "But have you tried everything Alec?" The tears still silently falling down my face leaving trail marks, normally I would've cared if someone was seeing me cry but here with Clary for some reason I didn't.
"I can see why Jace is falling for you." I observed that she was taken back by surprise "Did Alec Lightwood just compliment me?" she sarcastically asked as she laughed. She pulled me into a hug which to begin with felt awkward but when she let go I missed the warmth of the hug, the comfort it gave me. As she got up to leave she gave my good hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled at me "Make him listen because what you two have is special Alec." Walking over to the window I could see grey clouds starting to claim the sky. I couldn't stop Clary's words from circling in my head, but how was I going to make him listen to me, after what I said to him he has every right to ignore me.
/
"Alexander if this relationship is going to ever survive you need to start standing up to your parents. I can't keep going on like this. First it's a family wedding but what's next." Magnus was keeping his distance and I didn't feel like closing the gap. "You know there is more to it than that." Magnus laughed "Oh please I have heard that before. But let me guess you can't tell me can you? You Lightwoods are all the same." His words cut deeper than he expected them too, causing me to take a step back.
"That's unfair. You expect me to ruin my relationship with my parents for what? What is this exactly, a rebellious fling with a shadowhunter something you have never done in your immortal life? True love which you seem to have a fascination about?" As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I had gone too far. "If you have to ask me that then I don't know what I am fighting for here. Goodbye Alexander." I noticed his wrist and fingers start to circle as a blue cloud of magic started to appear "Magnus wait!" I called as I raced towards him. He disappeared as I reached where he was once stood. A primal yell came out of my throat as I punched the wall in front of me.
/
Clary was right I need to make Magnus listen to me, explain myself. Every second I spend here wallowing in self-pity is another second I lose him. A cold gust of wind snuck through my open window sending a shiver throughout my body, I could smell the rain about to set in but I know what I have to do and some rain isn't going to stop me. I have to see him. Speak to him. Apologise.
Before I knew it I was up on my feet heading towards my bedroom door, grabbing my jacket off my bed I walked out. Shrugging on the jacket as I sped down the stairs, I could hear mum calling after me, ignoring her I headed for the front door of the institute. Flinging it open with haste I saw that the rain who had been threatening to fall all day had finally decided to go through with it, and it wasn't at half measures.
The cold crisp air was clearing my head, making me more determined than ever to win Magnus back with each step I took taking me closer to him. The rain beginning to soak through my clothes should've made me cold, caused me to shiver but all I could think about was what I was going to say, do to apologise to him, to win him back. And by the angel I know sometimes I don't deserve his love but like Clary said what we have is special and I don't want to lose him.
In front of me was the tall building that Magnus lived in, it didn't take me as long to walk here as it usually did. I guess a mixture of the rain and determination made it quicker. Pulling my phone out trying to cover the screen from the rain I dialled his number. I expected to get his voicemail like I had all the other times, but this time he picked up.
"Alexander what do you want?" Asked an irritated voice on the other end, "Come outside." I could hear him walk about in his flat, assuming he was looking out the window I angled myself so that he would be able to see me. "It's raining." He huffed "Yes I'm aware of that." I got an earful of the dial tone after that, I just hoped he was coming outside.
I saw a figure leave the building with an umbrella protecting them from the rain. The figure walked with grace towards me, his strides long and fluid. The closer he got the more detail I could work out. He was wearing black dress pants, with an aubergine purple loose top embroidered with a darker shade of purple pattern. The top had a low neckline which he had filled with three necklaces each a different length to the one above it, a fourth one hung round his neck which was longer than the others.
I hadn't realised I was holding my breath until he stopped in front of me. The moonlight was reflecting off of the glitter that he had put round his eyes giving it luster, I reached out my hand to touch his face but he flinched away from me, I felt my heart crack at his action. "What do you want Alexander?" I crossed my arms fixing my gaze to his face, "I want you Magnus." I didn't mean for my words to hurt him but once I spoke them a look of pain crossed his face making him lower his gaze. That's when he noticed my hand, he went to reach for it curious as to what happened but instead he took a step back shaking his head slightly "You have an interesting way of showing it." Cautiously I took a step forward to cover the one he took away from me "Magnus please can we talk?"
"You're the one who came here." Magnus gestured for me to talk, but suddenly everything I had prepared on the way here vanished from my mind. I had no clue what to say to win back his heart. "Wow you are doing great right now totally explaining yourself." Sneered Magnus as he turned to walk away from me, I reached out towards him clasping my good hand round his wrist spinning him back so that he was facing me. A gasp escaped his mouth as the gap between us vanished.
"This, this is what I want. I'm done living the life my parents want me to live. I don't care what threats they make I can look after Izzy. I know this isn't just some fling for you Magnus because it isn't just a fling for me." My eyes scanned his for any sign that I was getting through to him but they revealed nothing. "How do I know that you won't go back on your word the second your parents say something to you?" His lack of trust should've hurt, but he had every right not to. "I guess you are just going to have to trust me. Keep me in check." A smile appeared for a moment on his face at the last statement. "I have been through a hundred heartbreaks in my 400 years but you Alexander I don't know if I would cope with you committing the act."
He reached his hand down taking my injured hand in his, with the other he swirled it around in a circle above my injury until the blue cloud disappeared, he undid the bandage letting it swiftly fall to the floor. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth, he must have been waiting to heal my hand this whole time, because even though he was angry with him he still cared about me and seeing me injured but not being able to do anything was hurting him as much as it was me. I raised my free hand out of his hand so that I was now cupping his face, "You won't have to."
I pulled his face to mine as I leant closer to him, till our lips met. The collision of our lips caused him to drop the umbrella he was holding. I could feel the hunger that always arose when we kissed start to cling inside me. It was like electricity replaces the blood in my veins, my whole body feeling alive. My heartbeat increasing so much that I find it hard to breath, feeling like my heart will explode. But I don't want to stop. I can't.
My muscle tensing as I go in for more, pressing my lips against his harder. I could feel myself going light headed from the lack of breath, my lips starting to get sore. Pulling back to catch my breath I felt Magnus lean forward for more but his lips didn't find mine, his eyes flew open catching me staring at him. I had forgotten it was still raining until I saw a raindrop land on his cheek, wiping it away with my thumb, I caressed his cheek, his breathing hitched at my touch.
Nothing had ever felt so right to me than us here in this moment. "We should probably get out of these wet clothes." Insisted Magnus with a devilish grin on his face, I nodded at him as I pulled him closer once more kissing him in response. I felt his hand take hold of mine as he starts to walk back towards his place.