Regrets

I regret a lot of things in my life but my biggest regret is that I never told Rachel how I truly felt about her as the last time that I spoke to her was right before our high school graduation. I hate every intention of telling her that I loved her and I wanted to be with her but like a coward, I chickened out because I was afraid that she might not return my feelings but also I knew that I didn't deserve especially after everything that I put her through. Now it's too late as I found out from Santana that the tiny diva made her dream come true, making it onto Broadway as well as a couple of recurring spots on some hit television shows but also married to one Finn Hudson. Knowing that bit of information physically hurts me but I know that I don't have any right to feel that way because I never had a chance to begin with and the Broadway starlet's always belonged to the former quarterback.

There was no way that she would even look my way with his large form in the way but more than anything I want her to be happy and if that means being with the jock than I guess that I made the decision by stepping aside. Sure there was times when Rachel would attempt to reach out to me, wanting to meet up during college but it hurt too much because I was afraid that I would spill my guts as I wanted nothing more than anything to more than friends but it wasn't possible. I saw the emails that she sent for the first year and half but I never responding as soon enough the amount decreased until they stopped coming all together as I find my time at Yale with studying and meaningless hookups with the female persuasion. Santana often pointed out that a lot of hookups resembled a certain diva and that I needed to get over this ridiculous crush but I ignored her because at the time, I didn't want to hear it.

I graduated at the top of class with a degree in both business and English, working as cashier at a local bookstore me before landing a job at publishing company, writing my first novel about the things that I went through. It wasn't long before I became a bestselling author. I wrote several bestsellers as I would've been lonely if it wasn't for Puck, Santana and Brittany making sure to check up on me as the couple spent more time in my apartment than anywhere else as the former sex shark drops occasionally when given leave. I still find hard to believe that the bad boy's in the Air Force at times but it's definitely changed him for the better although Puck will always be Puck but he's appointed himself as my lesbro and wingman, stating that I need to get out there to bed all the hot lesbians that I set my eyes.

There's only one girls that I want but she currently taken as I haven't kept the rest of the New Directions although I wasn't really close with the others since they never bothered to check up on me but it didn't really bothered me. Now I'm head at my publishing company, burying myself in reading and editing other people's manuscripts as the lawyer and dancer have tried over the last seven years to get out of the office to go out on a date or just out in general but I use every excuse not to. Over the years I couldn't help feeling a envious of the relationship that Santana and Brittany have because no matter who or what came their way, they always found their way back to each other. There was no one else that they wanted but each other especially after all the shit that the Latina put the blonde dancer though as she finally got her head outta her head and got her shit together.

I was lucky enough to be there when the lawyer decided that there was no one else that she wanted to spend her life with and proposed to better half in the middle of Time Square and I couldn't be happier for them. If I couldn't get my happily ever after then I would want it to be them as I was asked to be the maid of honor for Brittany as Puck was the best man for Santana. The wedding was small and intimate but it was beautiful nonetheless as the whole Glee club shows up for the event as I had every intention of leaving the moment the reception starts to avoid running into her. I know what the now married couple was planning but it wasn't going happen as I sneak my way towards the door and I was halfway down the hall when someone calls out me, freezing me in place. I should continue my trek towards the door for whatever reason my feet are cemented to the floor as a small hand gently grasps my elbow, turning me around to stare into a familiar pair of expressive mocha brown eyes.

The years that we've been apart has done the tiny Broadway diva amazingly well as it seems that she's gotten even more beautiful if possible as she's wearing hot pink cocktail dress that hugs her curves in all the right places. As it seems that the one thing that has changed about the singer is that it's always been easy to tell what she was feeling as she wore her emotions on her sleeve since it's obvious that she's angry, relieved, and happy at the same time. I open my mouth to say something, anything only to feel a sharp pain in my left cheek as I stare partially at a nearby wall while it slowly register that I've just been slapped before turning my attention back to the angry woman in front of me. I want to apology to her for everything but once again she surprises me by pulling me into a bone-crushing hug that it almost hurts although I don't pull away because it feels so good holding her like this as the tiny diva smells like strawberries and vanilla.

"I hate you" Rachel whispers into my shoulder. "But I hate that I missed you so much"

"I know, I know and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you Rachel"

"Then why did you lie and abandon me? You promise that we would stay in touch then you left off the face of the planet after graduation. I needed you and you weren't there like you promised" Rachel said pulling away with tears in her eyes. "Why did you leave me, Quinn? What did I do?"

"It was nothing that you did, it was all on me. I didn't think that I deserve to be in your life after everything that I did to you in high school and there's some things that I've told you. I was a coward and I thought that you were better off without me" I said sighing quietly.

"Quinn, you're not a coward because you're one of the bravest people that I have ever met and I told you that I had forgiven you for what happened in the past. You need to forgive yourself" Rachel said cupping my cheek. "What are these things that you couldn't tell me about?"

"I don't think that I can and in hindsight, it doesn't matter because your happiness means everything to me" I said smiling slightly. "You deserve everything good that happened to you, Rachel and I can honestly say that I'm proud that I know you"

"Please tell me, Quinn. I need to know why" Rachel pleads.

I bit my li, thinking over my options but then I made the mistake of looking into those expressive brown eyes of her and I feel my resolve crumbling before sighing quietly, knowing that I owe her an explanation. What difference would it make knowing about my feelings since she's happily married to Finn Hudson.

"I love you, Rachel. I'm madly in love with you since senior year but I never said anything because I was afraid of what they meant. I never felt this way about any of the people that I dated and when I finally got my shit together with of intention of telling you, I chickened out. I didn't deserve you then and I definitely don't deserve you now because you're married to Finn now" I said running my hand through my hair.

Rachel doesn't say anything for a moment that feels like it was dragging on an eternity before stepping into my personal space, my breathing becoming heavy and before I knew what was happening, she closes the distance between us kissing me breathlessly. This kiss was everything that I imagined it to be and more as it ignited something in me as I flip us around so the tiny diva was pushed up against a nearby wall, nibbling on her lower lip earning a low moan. The kiss grows hungrier as our lips moves in perfect sync with tongue until air becomes an issue as I rest my forehead against hers, eyes darkens with desire and something that could be identified as love then something occurred to me. She's married to Finn. As much as I love Rachel, I won't help her cheat on her husband.

"What about Finn? What does all this mean?"

"Finn and I have been divorced for nearly two years now as we're great co parents. I only married him because I was lonely in New York and he was familiar as I wished that you had something sooner"

"You have a child together?" I asked surprised.

"A beautiful baby girl. She's almost three now" Rachel said smiling fondly.

"If she's anything like her mother then she's gorgeous" I said smiling softly. "What does mean for us?"

"I'm still upset with you for staying away for so long" Rachel said as I look away ashamed but look back at her. "But I want to see what this could be as it seems that we have some unresolved tension and even if nothing romantic comes of it, I want you in my life. Are you willing to try for me?"

"So much, I want nothing more than a chance to prove myself to you and that my feelings are genuine" I said grinning.

"Looks like you got some wooing to do because I'm anything but easy" Rachel said smirking sexily.

~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off

The End