A/Ns: yeah so this is post-Nepenthe. if you haven't read Nepenthe, this probably won't make much sense, but you're free to read it as a stand-alone fic if you wish :) i held a little request thing on tumblr, and jack was first to the punch, so this is his request.
i miss nepenthe sob sob :( i have daydreamed about this a hella lot. so it felt so cool to write it.
content warnings: smoking, references to drug addiction and suicidal thoughts
enjoy~

(disclaimer: i do not own Pandora Hearts)

Take one day at a time, and eventually you'll have seven years

"Oi. You coming?"

His hands freezing over the keyboard, Leo glanced up, spotting Elliot stood in the doorway. And the moment he laid eyes on the other, a grin tugged at his lips. "What a treat. I don't get to see you in your doctor get-up very much."

"Yeah, yeah. There's no point changing to go home," Elliot rolled his eyes, leaning against the door frame. He titled his head sideways, narrowing his eyes at Leo. "And that's doctor in training to you. Unlike you, my degree takes five years, not three."

"And that's without a Master's," Leo snickered, pausing for a moment before closing his laptop.

When he realised they weren't leaving straight away, Elliot sighed, and shut the door behind him. Eyes panning the room, which Leo somehow excused as an office, his eyebrows furrowed once again. There was a desk in the centre of the room, with a large window behind him. Either side of it were two bookshelves with no organisation system to them whatsoever, and in front of those were multiple whiteboards, filled to the edge with illegible scribbles. "I still don't know how they let you keep this office when it's such a mess in here."

"What can I say?" Leo said, clearly bragging. "I'm talented. And they get money out of me."

As modest as it sounded, it was irrefutably true.

A year ago, when he was 22, Leo finished his Master's in English Literature, at the same college he and Elliot had been at for the past 4 years by that point. For some reason (actually, for very obvious reasons, as he'd so dutifully pointed out), they liked Leo, and he was subsequently offered a job at the very same college, working as a Literary scholar. In reality, he simply analysed a lot, and wrote essays. And, unsurprisingly, almost everything he wrote ended up published in journals.

So, to put it bluntly, while he was thriving off the University's English funding at 23, Elliot was still working through his medical degree.

Sometimes, just sometimes, he envied Leo.

"We're going home, then?" Leo asked, snapping Elliot from his trance as he stood up, grabbing his bag from the hook by the door.

"Uh, yeah," Elliot said, briefly checking his watch. "It's only five. Our reservations aren't for another hour and a half."

For a moment, Leo didn't respond, instead a blank expression morphing onto his features.

"Six months, idiot." Elliot scolded teasingly, but ultimately couldn't bring himself to be mad at the other. To further emphasise his point, he lifted up his left hand, the silver ring on his third finger glinting in the light.

Oh, and that was another minor detail.

They were now engaged.

It had been by no means abrupt. Anything but that. After all, they'd been together for six years at that point. To little surprise, Elliot was the one who proposed, having no idea whether Leo would say yes. Of course he did, though; after everything they'd been through together, neither of them could see each other spending their life with anyone else.

Still, though, they were only 23, and Elliot had yet to graduate. Elliot also had yet to tell his family they were engaged. So, needless to say, the two had agreed to take the wedding planning extremely slowly. That also explained why, to mark six months of being engaged, all they had planned was dinner together.

The walk to their car was less than a minute. Leo had never learnt to drive. Elliot could drive; he saw no need to. Sure, it might have been lazy to drive to and from their college when it was only a 20-minute walk, but in their defence, it was summer, and was somehow 28 degrees at 5pm.

Once home, whilst Elliot headed to the bedroom to change, Leo's priorities seemed to lie elsewhere, as he slipped onto their balcony and lit a cigarette.

A minute or two later, the sliding door screeched open again, Elliot flashing Leo a grin and heading out onto the balcony with two glasses of champagne. Leo didn't even like alcohol, but out of courtesy, he still switched the cigarette to the other hand and accepted the glass. Sipping it, he managed to suppress the urge to grimace in disgust.

"Any reason you're out here?" he said, dragging on the cigarette briefly.

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem with that?"

"No," Leo chuckled, "You don't come out here much. That's all."

"It's a nice day," Elliot shrugged. "Besides… it's sort of a celebration, right?"

Cracking a discrete smile, Leo nodded, watching the smoke rise from the tip of the cigarette. "Yeah, I guess."

The tension of the silence following the incredibly vague response seemed to weigh them down. And Elliot felt compelled to re-ask the question which once again made its way to the forefront of his mind.

"You… still want to go through with this, right?"

Initially, Leo didn't respond, and he could've sworn he saw Elliot physically freeze in his peripheral vision.

In the end, he answered with another question.

"Why did you do it?"

"What?" Elliot feigned innocence, but neither of them were stupid. Even if it happened so long ago, the events from seven years ago still stuck to them like glue. Glue with held them together, but also weighed them down, all at once.

And, still, seven years on, there were some things they… honestly had yet to talk about.

"You know what I mean." Another inhale on the cigarette; this time deeper. "Everything," Leo said. "Why? How didn't you just… give up?"

The nonchalance in his tone made Elliot's chest ache. Even after all this time, Leo still didn't seem to think he deserved any of that. Or him, for that matter.

"Well… I wanted better for you," Elliot said, a regretful smile twitching onto his lips. "I liked you, a lot. Those stupid feelings drove me to hell-"

"It wasn't only feelings, Elliot," Leo sighed, bringing the cigarette back up to his lips. "Alright, I might not have liked you quite the same amount, but if that were you, you wouldn't catch me doing the same. I wouldn't be able to watch someone I cared about going through something so… shit."

A little disheartened by the thought that Leo wouldn't do the same, Elliot's eyebrows tugged together slightly. "I guess I thought it was my fault, in a way. Not the… the drugs, to begin with, but… the fact you had to detox. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have had to go through, well, that."

"Yeah, I guess," Leo shrugged, before snuffing the cigarette out in the ashtray and exhaling softly. "It was harder. Harder than you saw, I think."

"Hm?"

"Once it was over, I mean. I was clean, but nothing else was different. And I hated it. I hated myself, and you, and just… everything."

Elliot was left speechless.

Leo, sucking in a deep breath, continued speaking, filling up the silence. "I think that was the real rock bottom. I felt more suicidal in those weeks after than I had at any point during the withdrawal."

"I…" His head turned downwards, Elliot's eyes doubled in size. "Sorry, I had… no idea, y-you felt like that."

"Neither did I," Leo said, "I don't think I realised how bad things were until I finally started getting better."

"Oh…"

"I'm glad I did, though." The silence, all of a sudden, felt like a relief rather than heaviness.

"Do… do you still think about it?"

"Yes," Leo answered, worrying fast; like he'd been preparing that response. "Everyday. Without question. But then I remember why I stopped, and… suddenly, I don't care. I have no need to go back to that place. I have you, instead."

"I… I never-"

"Realised, I know."

"Hmph," Elliot sulked, swirling the champagne around in his glass. "Am I that predictable?"

Leo smirked. "Yes."

"Right." He frowned. "Also, can I ask another question?"

"Sure," Leo snorted, "Can't promise I'll answer."

"Yeah, yeah, you will," Elliot rolled his eyes, feeling blood rush to his cheeks already. "Why did you kiss me, on the day I confronted you?"

"Oh," Leo snickered, "Up until the day you came to mine that week, I hated you."

"What?!"

"You pissed me off," he chuckled again, brushing the hair away from his face. "You were that rich kid I never wanted to meet at a private school. And, hah, look where it got me."

"Love you too…" Elliot groaned. What a slap in the face.

"If it makes you feel any better, I tolerate you now."

"I'm flattered," he deadpanned, but Leo's smile proved contagious, and soon enough, Elliot was grinning like an idiot too.

"So, to answer your question," Leo said, placing down the champagne, spinning on his heel, and turning towards Elliot. Taking Elliot's hands in his, he leant up, softly planted his lips onto the other's, before pulling away, and glancing up once again. "Yes. I do still want to do this."

A smile began to tug at Elliot's lips again, but before it did, his lips were back onto Leo's, and his eyes fell shut, the light glinting off Leo's engagement ring being the last thing he saw.

Not only was it a reminder of everything they'd been through in the past, but their future together, too.