Lunatic Parade-107
Written by Gabe "Sailor Moron" Ricard
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine…you know it…I know it…THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD KNOWS IT!!
Sorry. Read on…
Ruby: Welcome to the Hi-Lunatic Parade…and now…the host with the most. Hiro!
(Hiro leaps on to the desk dressed as Sailor Moon)
Hiro: Whoooooo!
Ruby: AHHHHHH!!! HIRO WHAT THE FUCK?!
Hiro: Like it?
Lucia: Hiro…honey
Hiro: Yes Lucia darling?
Lucia: What have you done?
Hiro: I've become a Sailor Scout! I'm Sailor Hiro…The Super Hero!
Nall: Okay…back from the commissary…Nall I got the fish eggs mega mocha…. Lucia I got you your regular decaf with lo-fat cream and artificial sugar and Hiro…I got your…(lucks up) Good heavens…Hiro what happened?
Hiro: Craven fool! I'm Sailor Hiro: The Super Hero! (Kicks Nalls head off, it flies and smacks Jean in the face)
Jean: (Gets up and throws the head aside) Hiro! This is NOT the way I begin my day?
Lucia: How do you begin your day?
Jean: Errr…you…don't want to know
Ronfar: But you just said…
Jean: I know…but…you can only know if you're in a secret club
Ronfar: Can I join?
Jean: Sure…all you have to do is dress up like…Marilyn Manson
Ronfar: That all?
Jean: And you have to…smear dog crap all over your arms and fill your ears with…jam
Ronfar: What kind of jam?
Jean: Toe jam
Ronfar: Gotcha…(goes to leave) Oh yeah…our guest tonight is Adam Sandler (Leaves)
Ruby: Please take that suit off…you're not a sailor scout
Hiro: It's too late! I'm Sailor Hiro!
Ruby: Just…arghhhhhh!! I WANT TO HURT YOU SO MUCH!!
Lemina: Me too
Leo: And me
Ruby: YOU'RE THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON EARTH!!
Hiro: I am not! you're just jealous that I'm sexy! And that I look great in a schoolgirls skirt!
Ruby: I'll tell you what…if ONE person stops by that's more annoying then you…not only will I kill THEM instead but I'll…clean you with my tongue
Lucia: That's MY job!
Ruby: I did it before you did!
Lucia: So?
Lemina: What!
Lucia: Piss off Lemina!
Hiro: Okay, okay…but no one else is going to
Adam Sandler: (Makes stupid noises)
(Ruby turns into the red dragon and messily devours Adam, spraying blood everywhere)
Ruby: Tastes of chicken…let's go Hiro…I'm going to use my DRAGON TONGUE!
Hiro: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'll have to use my Sailor Scout powers to stop you! (Jumps onto his desk). Hirrrroooo…. Donkeyyyy…. Supppperrrr…. ICE SPANKING OF SUPER, DUPER MEGA MONDO PAIN!!
(Ruby is beaten badly in a cloud of smoke. Smoke settles)
Ruby: Coughing…(Looks in the window…good god! I'm….
Lucia: James Mason!
(Dramatic Music)
Ruby: AHHHHHHH!! GOD SAVE US ALL!!! (Runs away screaming)
Hiro: Hey, I like James Mason
Ruby: No one cares Hiro
(Ronfar appears with all the guidelines Jean had set earlier)
Ronfar: How's this?
Jean: Gah!
Ronfar: So I'm in?
Jean: Well….no
Ronfar: Why not?
Jean: Wrong shade of lipstick
Ronfar: Sparkly blue won't cut it?
Jean: I'm afraid not
Ronfar: So then what?
Jean: Okay…cut off your tongue…and mail it to…Italy…and we'll talk
Ronfar: Okay…(Walks off)
Hiro: So, where does the show go from here?
Leo: Dammed if I know
(Satan suddenly appears from the ground.)
Satan: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Hiro: What do YOU want?
Satan: I've come to take Leo's soul!
Lucia: What? why?
Satan: Because…he said he would be dammed if he didn't know what the show would be doing next and he DOES!! He knew you were going to run around singing the Sailor Moon theme song!
Hiro: How did you know that?
Leo: I read your daily planner
Satan: Let's go…off to hell
Ruby: You know…. This TOTALLY contradicts the Lunar games
(Luna appears)
Luna: Right you are Ruby
Satan: Shut UP…Luna
Luna: Alex…this isn't funny anymore…let's go home…Kyle wants a rematch in your drinking contest
Alex: (Takes off Satan mask) But it's not fair! People like US more! Even the guy who writes this does!
Lucia: Guy who writes this?
Luna: Don't worry about it Lucia…Alex…you don't REALLY want to be in a stupid Space Ghost ripoff like this do you?
Alex: Yes
Luna: Let's go home…I'll make you feel better
Alex: Oh I get it…(Turns to the others and pretends to whisper but talks loudly) WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX
Luna: (Rolls her eyes) Come along honey
Alex: Oh okay…(Walks off)
Hiro: That was…weird
Lucia: Yeah
Lemina: Indeed
Ruby: Damn straight…and I'm STILL JAMES FUCKING MASON!
Leo: Hey I'm still alive! (Piano falls on him)
Ronfar: (Opens his mouth but no sound comes out)
End.
Well that's it for now…I actually have some REAL writing to work on now so this series will be slowed down somewhat…yeah I know…big loss.