A/N: Couldn't... resist... writing...
Warnings (for this chapter): Grapefruits. No, not lemons. Grapefruits. Literally. Flying everywhere, so I suggest you bring a helmet. Made from steel. They offer the best protection.
Also note: You will find several 'Oh well!'-s throughout the story. Yes they will most likely annoy you.
Shocking contents (for later chapters): Luna may become smart! Yesh, truly shocking :0
It was a Thursday morning. No, Luna didn't like Thursdays. Luna hated Thursdays. Loathed them; Mondays too. Oh well!
She felt like drinking tea. However, she didn't understand why. She hated tea. Oh well!
Plus there was loads of homework! Shitloads! Even being a Ravenclaw, she found a bit too much.
Dumbledore stood up from behind the teachers' desk and cleared his throat loudly.
"Good morning to all of you, Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Slytherins alike. I would like you tell you" he raised his voice's volume a little "that from this day henceforth, there shall be a new coffee system!"
Silence...
Dumbledore saw this had not caused as much excitement as he had hoped for. So he continued.
"Not just the system is new, but the coffee itself!" he beamed. "It gives your brain a boost so you shall not be yawning throughout class, of which I had received complaints from numerous teachers!"
At this, Professor McGonagall coughed a little.
"Yet I shall ask of you," continued Dumbledore, "not to overdose, or it can lead to disasters!"
He gave them a warning look before he sat down.
Suddenly, at the back of the Great Hall tables appeared with hundreds of jugs on them. All filled to the brim with coffee.
A huge bustle rang through amongst the students as they all scrambled up from their seats to try out the new coffee.
Luna wasn't sure if she should go as well. Maybe somebody would be nice enough to bring her some. But then, no one in her house was nice to her. Oh well!
Luna stood up herself to get some of that 'marvellous' coffee.
There seemed to be a little commotion at the coffee tables.
Then there was a sound of smashing glass.
Then a weird noise.
"HAHAHA!" a voice cried.
Then the students were going haywire.
Of course the confusion had spread across the whole hall by now. Even Professor Dumbledore was frowning, trying to figure out what was happening down there.
Suddenly an apple soared out from the crowd the Hogwarts learner citizens and smashed in the middle of the hall with a PLOP.
That was when chaos broke out.
Luna just stood beside the table watching what the heck is going on.
Harry Potter leapt out from the swarm of students with an utterly crazed expression, looking a bit like that idiot guy, Fred, from YouTube. "I GOT IT!" he screamed, throwing a grapefruit into the air, and with that he darted out the doors of the Great Hall.
Everyone stared. Harry's friends stared. All the Gryffindors stared. All the Ravenclaws stared. All the Slytherins stared. All the Hufflepuffs stared. All of the the staff stared. Four house-elves popped up and they stared.
Luna stared.
Then the rush towards the coffee continued.
Within three minutes another another grapefruit took off into the air.
Luna hadn't moved in her position, she was carefully observing what was happening down there.
Some students, about thirty or so, moved out of the hall.
Luna sat back down to eat. No point in standing, watching the havoc.
Suddenly a cow came crashing through the window. Followed by duck. Who's name was Bob.
And then more grapefruits came soaring everywhere through-out the Hall.
GRAPEFRUITS
GRAPEFRUITS
GRAPEFRUITS
GRAPEFRUITS
GRAPEFRUITS
GRAPEFRUITS
So on.
Dumbledore stood up once more. Still frowning, of course. He cleared his throat loudly, "Calm down everybody, please. There is absolutely, um, nothing to worry about," he said the last words uncertainly. He looked over to the two animals lying on the ground and added, "They will soon be removed from the Hall."
Then he left the staff table, picked up the duck and hurried away.
Luna had a look of mild surprise, dreamily, on her face (like she usually did) and she continued having breakfast. She was having second thoughts about trying the new coffee now.
One of her classmates whacked her on the head with a baguette, quite unexpectedly. Luna looked at her questioningly as she squealed and ran out from the Great Hall.
And then, louder than the loudest of thunders... there was a farting noise. From the sky. Or the ceiling. Whichever you think sounds better. THEY WERE DOOMED.
The whole castle began shaking. The whole of Great Britain started shaking. Yes, the whole, even Northern Ireland. But only Northern Ireland; not the rest of Ireland – only Northern Ireland (why is it even called 'Northern'? Its only the North Eastern, the North Western part, which is still Northern, is a part of the Republic of Ireland, not Great Britain) is part of Great Britain.
"YOUU BE DOOOOOOOOOOMED!" came a shrieking voice.
"Ohh – mah – fah – kah – gah..." came Dumbledore's tremorish voice. (I know 'tremorish' does not make sense, but I wanted to use it, so beat it!)
"IT'S HIM!" one of the younger student shouted. "You know that guy from the 'you know' knock-knock joke!" he explain to his friend, who looked a bit confused.
Luna nudged the first year. "It's He Who Must Not Be Named," she informed him. Luna did not seemed shocked about this fact, really. But then again; she was rather odd after all.
A lot of people had an OMG expression.
"WHERE BE DA COFFEE!" the shrieking voice again called.
"There!" a student shouted, pointing to the back of the Hall. It was one of the Weasleys. Luna recognized him. He was one of the funny ones.
A black haired girl slapped him. "You idiot! He can't know! He musn't!" The redhead hung his head, then suppressed his gloomy expression and beamed.
Dumbledore's stern voice filled the room. "Miss Johnson! That is not appropriate behaviour. Five points from Gryffindor!"
No one had noticed that all the coffee mysteriously disappeared. Well, almost everyone.
"Professor Dumbledore!" Luna shouted, unnaturally loud, not like her usual dreamy voice at all. "The coffee is gone!"
Dumbledore blinked three times until he seemed to realise what Luna had just said. "Well, someone has to get it back!"
Luna fastened her coat buttons and stood on the Ravenclaw table. "I will get it back!"
Professor McGonagall stood up from behind the staff table. "Surely you would like to take someone with you?" she asked, raising her eyebrows a little.
Luna went back to her vacant sounding voice. "If someone wants to come..."
Hermione Granger stood up. "You have my wand."
"And you have my Deluminator," Ronald Weasley said.
Harry Potter, still looking a bit baffled since the recent 'incident', said, "And my Invisibility Cloak."
"If that is your decision," said a voice belonging to someone who they'd have least expected, "Slytherin's with you."
A/N: No, I couldn't resist putting in that LotR reference!
And I think I blew away the surprise with that clue who the other person is . Oh well! (lol)
And guess what! This is the longest chapter I've ever written for any of my stories! xD Over 1.2K words! :O