Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Pairings: Janto

Summary: Ianto reflects over his twisted affair with the Captain, while he is with the Doctor, during a listening session with his iPod.

A/N: It's one thirty something in the a.m. and I do not have school tomorrow. You ROCK Spring Break! So I bring you another one shot as I stare at the beginnings of HP or IJ chapter eleven and will for something to appear.

Yeah I know I'm pathetic.

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Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance
And crossed some borderline
And if it turns out
It's over too fast
I'll make ev'ry last moment last
As long as you're mine... –Elphaba 'As Long As Your Mine'
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Ianto Jones came home from work. The usually tidy and proper man bordering on OCD at work let out a huge breath and became the slob he was at home. He tossed his waistcoat in the vague direction of his coat rock. His suit jacket was tossed over a table. His tie was left somewhere in the vicinity of a doorknob. The shirt became untucked and the belt was off with the shoes and socks.

Out of his work clothes, the young man sighed and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He shuffled into his living room in the zombie like state he adapted for his home. He plopped down on the blessedly overstuffed couch and with ease cracked opened the top with his teeth. He removed the cap from his mouth and placed it on the coffee table in front of him. He downed the beer in one go and stared at the blank screen on the television.

Without the thoughts of work to occupy him, the thoughts of loneliness seeped into his mind.

Was he not good enough?

Was he not lovable enough?

Why couldn't he stay?

Ianto gave everything to that man. He tore down walls for that man. He opened his heart and let it lay bear before the one man who can make or break it.

It still wasn't enough…

Maybe it was his fault.

Maybe he asked too much. But…it wasn't like he was asking for the moon.

All he was asking for a little love. Just a tiny bit of love so that he can call it his own.

He shook his head as if to rid himself of these thoughts. He looked at his iPod on the speakers and not wanting to watch TV, rose up the tiny white remote control. He smiled and pressed play.

'If I fell in love with you…'

The female voice singing the soft love song was cut off by a forward button. A silly opening number was played in the love songs stead. Ianto groaned and cursed the fact the fact that he had a passion for theatre. Yeah yeah stereotype his ass.

He doubled majored in college theatre and criminal psychology and minored in philosophy at university.

Not like anyone knew that. Or that he got his Masters in both subjects.

Ianto shifted his position and listened to the next song.

'I would be friends with the sparrows and the boy that shoots the arrows if I only had a heart…'

Ianto laughed bitterly at that. Exactly like a certain Captain he knew….

Except in the case of the boy that shoots the arrows. Jack would just fuck him and go off.

Like he did with Ianto…what there was one time Ianto had to use his little know archery skills.

But that is a story for another day.

The young man on the couch let out a huge sigh at that and stretched not in the mood to move yet.

'My God my Tourniquet return to me salvation.'

Ianto closed his eyes listening to the woman sing. Lisa loved Evanescence and after she…passed. He couldn't bring himself to take it off his iPod. He wondered if people still hated him because the Lisa thing. He closed his eyes and turned over on the couch. He wondered how long it would take for him to forgive himself.

He sighed and turned over. He looked up at the ceiling and let the next couple of song wash over him.

Stupid Harkness…Ianto hoped that his Doctor kneed him in the gonads.

Or maybe he was on planet where people were immune to his charms. Ianto let out a bitter laugh and a twisted smile graced his face.

When did he become like this? An empty shell of a man who was once happy? Dare he say content?

Now he was wishing for pain on the man who was bitterly beautifully.

'At the touch of your hand at the sound of your voice at the moment your eyes meet my mine. I am losing my mind. I am losing control. Fighting feelings I can't define…'

Ianto shivered hearing the passion between the two singers' voice. Ghost hands of the past traveled over his body. Invisible lover's lips were on his neck. His lips burned and his nose filled with the Captain's scent. Ianto Jones closed his eyes and cursed.

'In my own little corner in my own little chair I can be whatever I want to be…'

He wanted to be anywhere but here at that moment. He wanted to be as far away as possible in the second of time. He would rather be in a chateau in Nice. He wanted to be in some bustling anonymous city in America. He wanted to be travelling through China.

He wanted to be on some far away unknown world where the aliens were actually NICE to him. The possibility of death was not held over his head every time he went to work.

The possibility that he could fall in love without his heart being smashed into a billion trillion little pieces…

Ianto sniffed and angrily turned off the speakers. A lone tear streaked down his face as Ianto went to get ready for bed.

Because tomorrow he would have to do this all over again…
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H.N.: The songs mentioned are as follows:
If I Fell -The Beatles from the movie Across the Universe

If I Only Had a Heart -The Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz (London Cast Recording)

Tourniquet -Evanescence

Dangerous Game -Hyde and Lucy from Jekyll and Hyde

In My Own Little Corner -Cinderella from Cinderella