I sat on my bed in my room while doing some homework. It was friday afternoon and I had no plans whatsoever. Mike had invited me to a party at Jessica's place, but I lied and said that I had other plans. Me, going to a party? Dancing? Drinking? That's funny.
Edward, Jasper, Emmet and Carlisle were up in Alaska all weekend to hunt with Denali.
"Promise me there won't be anything between you and Tanya", I said before he left a couple of hours earlier. He just laughed and kissed me on my forehead. "Bella, I'll never want anyone more than I want you. You're my reason for existing, you know that."
I closed my mathbook and lied down. He had told me that many times before, but it was still hard for me to belive. He was perfection with his wonderful hair, golden eyes and beautiful voice while I was... nothing. Just a simple, boring human. I couldn't offer him anything.
I sighed and closed my eyes. You have to stop thinking like this, Bella, I told myself. You know that he loves you more than anything. And you love him.
Sudddenly a small breeze went through my hair and I openened my eyes. There was a beautiful creature standing by the end of the bed.
"Edward", I said - quitetly, because Charlie was already asleep in his room - as I sat up with a smile. "I thought you were in Alaska."
He sat down next to me and I buried my head in his chest. "It was a quicker hunt than we expected", he said as he started playing with my hair. "The bears were pretty close to their house."
I sat up and raised one eyebrow. "And Tanya?"
He laughed. "Nothing happened, as I promised."
I didn't laugh. "But she's still interested in you, right?" I said, and the words gave me the chills.
He stopped laughing. "She knows that I love you and she would never do anything to seperate us, Bella. You have to trust me when I say that."
I sighed and looked down. Of course I trusted him. It was her I didn't trust.
He put his hands on my cheeks and looked me in the eyes. "You don't have to worry, Bella. I'm yours. I'll always be yours."
I looked down. I had tried this before without any luck, but I had to try again. I needed it. "Do you promise?" I said with a low voice.
"Of course", he said.
I took a deep breathe and leaned in for a kiss. He answered it immediately, but he was careful and kept his self-controll. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself on his lap. His hands were still on my cheeks. I tried pulling him towards me so that I could lie down and he'd be on top of me, but he wouldn't move and inch. I had to figure out a way to loosen him up a bit.
"Edward...", I said under my breathe. I knew he loved it when I said his name.
He froze for a split second until he started kissing me again, and now he slowly moved his hands down my neck and back.
"Edward, Edward", I said again and moaned a bit. He started kissing me more intense and pulled me closer to him.
Perfect, I thought and smiled mentally.
I carefully took of his grey shirt and threw it on the floor. Then I started to run my fingers down his cold chest and stomach. I wrapped my hands around his neck and tried pulling him on top of me again, and this time it worked. My breathing became faster. I could feel is abs through my blouse as he lied on top of me.
After a few minutes of intense kissing he did something very unexpected - he took of my blouse. I gasped as I felt his cold fingers on my naked chest. He started kissing my neck and I moaned a bit.
And then I just couldn't wait anymore. My hands went down his body and I began to unbotton his pants.
He then froze, and this time it wasn't just for a split second. He sat up and looked at me the same way a parent looks at his child when she has done something bad.
"Bella", he said with a serious voice. "We've already talked about this."
I sighed and sat up. I felt his cold hands brushing against my arms as he put on my blouse. When I looked up his shirt was already on too.
"But why?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.
He stood up and looked out the window. I could tell he was mad at me. "You know why. It's too dangerous."
"No, it's not", I said, which sounded like a begging. "I promise I'll tell you if you're hurting me. Please, Edward, just..."
"No", he said and looked at me again. His eyes were pitch black, which scared me a little bit.
"I think I should go", he said and opened the window.
I jumped out of the bed and grabbed his arm. "I'm so sorry, Edward. Please don't go", I said and buried my head in his chest. I gave me a hug.
"I think I should leave you alone for a little while, so that you can calm down a bit", he said and laughed a little. "But I'll come back before you fall sleep."
And suddenly he was gone. I just stood there for a few minuts, processing what just happened while I was grabbing the air with my right hand.
He had rejected me, again. When he said no last time I thought it was just because he was nervous about the army of vampires coming, but now...
It's obvious that he won't have sex with me while I'm still human, but I can't wait until he changes me. It won't be the same then.
Maybe I should find some kind of replacement. Jacob...?
I laughed. No, I wasn't that desperate. I could never...
Or could I?