-I own absolutely nothing! This was only written for fun and not for any financial gain whatsoever.-
*I know that this is out a lot later than I said it would be and I'm sorry. Inspiration briefly left me and when it came back I was too busy with biology and chemistry to even put my inspiration into words. The next and hopefully final chapter will be out as soon as possible. Enjoy the reading!*
HeartDeNijs
I much as I hate to admit it, I really, really miss John. He's been away on this promotional tour with Randy since right before Christmas. Vince tried to say that it would be a good time to do an autograph tour since all the little brats are out of school for the Holidays.
Did I say brats? I mean adoring, miniature John Cena and Randy Orton fans that occasionally have the tendency to whine and cry because they don't get their way. Nope, I not referring to the twenty something rings rats who just want a piece of Cena and Orton ass. Cena's ass is mine, Bitches!
Wonder what would happen if it was leaked that both men are gay and happily involved with unbelievably sexy and witty significant others? Well, at least John has that kind of partner, but I can't bring myself to say that Rhodes deserves those adjectives, but he does look so much better without that mask.
Oh! I seemed to have gotten off topic. Where was I? Oh, yes! I'm very unhappy that I am suffering from a case of blue balls because John boy has not touched me in over a week because we aren't even in the same fucking state!
I hate children! He's mine and you little sniveling brats can't take him from me!
"Hey, uh, Punk? You okay over there? The Pepsi has never done anything to deserve that, man." Colt Cabana voice tore me from my inner monologue and has brought my attention to the fact that I have crushed my can of Pepsi and I'm now sitting in a puddle on my couch.
"God damn it!" I jump up and run to my kitchen to grab a towel in hopes of saving my couch from yet another stain. I should probably just break down and buy a new one, but John and I have many fond memories with this couch.
Dabbing at the stain, I can tell that I was sitting like that for a while since the liquid has already been absorbed by the fabric.
"Man, you are lucky that John isn't considered a drug, because you are totally addicted to him! You're totally going through withdraw right now. I think I'm going to take off. Why don't you give John a call and maybe have yourself some fun phone sex, ya?" Colt, my best friend in the whole wide world, was abandoning me in my state of sexual withdraw. I thought friends were supposed to stick together no matter what. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to have sex with him. Ewww! But, a little moral support would be nice.
"Oh sure, you go home and have sex with your boyfriend for real while I may or may not get to have phone sex with mine! Some friend you are!
"Yea, yea. You know you love me. Just be happy that one of us is getting laid tonight." Colt slammed my apartment door and I could hear him cackling in the hallway.
"Little shit! See if I comfort him the next time he gets cut off!" I growl to myself because now I'm in my apartment, all alone and fucking horny as hell.
To try and occupy myself until John calls after his last autograph signing, I decide to check my email and maybe mess around of Twitter a little. There's always stupid people on there who can't spell or don't know proper grammar I can humiliate.
I can tell that shitty teenage girl next door is probably watching porn again because it takes forever for me to even make it to MSN. Roadrunner the fastest internet my pert ass! They don't tell you that you have to share with other people. I really need to switch to AT&T soon because this is ridiculous!
To try and speed up my connection, I walk into my bedroom, open my closet, grab the resident broom from said closet, and proceed to harshly bang on my far bedroom wall. "God damn it, Sarah! You gotta give it a rest every once in a while or you'll hurt yourself. Get off the internet so I can load my email!" I hear a small thud which probably means I startled her. Serves her right if you ask me.
I walk back into the living room and sit down on one of the dry couch cushions. Dragging my laptop over on the coffee table to rest in front of me, I click on the Hotmail link.
Don't think for a second I'm going to tell you what my email address is, but I will tell you my password because I'm proud of it. It's johncenasfavoritepertass31. It's a little tedious to type in, but it's very safe.
My email account opens and says that I have 45 new messages and I roll my eyes. I online shop a lot, obviously since I'm on the road so much so; all the online stores like to send me notices on sales and special offers. It's really annoying.
Scrolling down through all the emails and checking those I have to delete, one in particular catches my eye.
Now, don't judge me. I bought something from this place a long time ago before John and I got together and they still have my email. The email is from The Lion's Den, America's favorite adult superstore. The only reason I am even going to open this email because I'm sexually starved and maybe I'll get off on seeing a dildo that looks like John, if you know what I mean.
In big, bold red letters, the email proclaims that there is an after Christmas sale with discounts up to 75% off. Now, that's just too good to pass up!
I quickly click on the link that will take me to the sale site, but it doesn't come up. I guess the link is broken. Well that sucks! How am I supposed to buy discount sex toys and other novelties, now?
Suddenly, I remember a game Colt and I used to play on long drives to arenas. It was called "Who can spot the most porn shop billboards". If I remember correctly, most of them were advertising the same store this email was sent from.
With hope in my heart, I opened another tab and clicked on Google. I performed a search for a Lion's Den in the Chicago area, and to my surprise, there was one about ten miles from my apartment.
Turning off my computer, I quickly form a plan of how I am going to do this without being recognized or embarrassed. The clothes I'm wearing now are fine. Being a hoodie and jeans, they will make it easy for me to hide my face and most of my tattoos. The bags from the store might give my purchases away, so I grab a reusable shopping bag from Hot Topic that has the Batman symbol on it.
Feeling like I'm ready to go, I grab my keys and head out of my apartment. After reaching my car and getting into it, I'm starting to feel like this isn't such a good idea, but at the same time, I could get a lot of awesome stuff to keep me occupied until John gets home and then stuff to make fucking him even more mind-blowing when he gets home. My sexually starved mind quickly squashes any reservations I have about making this trip and I head out.
The drive does not take long and before I know it, I'm pulling into a parking spot. The store isn't as big as I thought it would be. Gathering my courage, I walk confidently into the store and I'm shocked at what I see.
There are vibes and dildos everywhere. Who knew there were so many different kinds? I try and ignore the stuff that's not on sale because it is not what I came for.
At the back corner of the store was where the items in the after Christmas sale were located and guess what, they were all Christmas themed.
I picked up a pack of condoms that read, "Peppermint Candy Cane Condoms." I turned the box around and read the back and according to what I read, they have a cooling and then a warming sensation and the red stripe is ribbed for your partner's pleasure. I have got to get these. Grabbing a box in John's size, I noticed Santa Claus underwear hanging above my head.
My interest peaked; I took a pair off the rack to look at them. They look like typical Santa pants just with the legs cut off. They even had a patent leather belt on the waistband. I was shocked when I turned them around to look at the back because there was no back. A thin red string of velvet was attached to the black belt. Whose sick mind thought up a Santa G-string? I can't leave this store without them, though!
I found my size and clutched them to my body. I'd never bought anything like these before, but there's a first time for everything. I hurried to the checkout line because I did not want to take the chance of my Santa pants being snatched right out of my hands. It's an irrational fear because so few people are shopping today, but I could not let these babies leave my possession.
I was sort of waiting on the cashier to look at me funny, but the guy didn't even bat an eye. He even tried to start a conversation with me about how great the peppermint flavored warming lube I'd picked up on my way to the check- out was.
"Oh, this stuff is awesome! It's probably the most amazing feeling you'll ever experience during sex. I came so hard when I used this, and my partner did, too." The guy looked me up and down like I was something to eat. Never in a million years, Nasty. You can't even BEGIN to compete with John!
"I bet it was the only time you've made someone come." I said under my breath as I walked away from the counter.
Walking back to my car, I started forming a devious plan to get John back in my bed sooner than planned. I was almost cackling like Jafar from Aladdin by the time I walked back into my apartment. After walking into my bedroom and setting my purchases down on my bed, I start a search for my Santa hat that the lady at the WWE merch table gave me for Christmas. It was one of the Santa hats with my logo on it, but still a good Santa hat anyway.
I went back into my bedroom and retrieved my Santa pants. Sheading clothing like a stripper on speed, I put my new outfit on.
My first step in the plan was to show John what I'd bought. This posed a bit of a problem, considering he was miles away, but thanks to advances in technology, I could send him a picture with my phone.
I'm not worried about the possible negative consequence of sending such a picture because I know that John password protects all my messages to him for obvious reasons.
With Santa hat and pants on, I laid down on my back with one hand behind my head and the other held my phone to take the picture. After admiring myself in the picture for a few minutes, I sent the picture on to John with a text that asked if he had been a good boy this year and settled down to wait for a response.
***HeartDeNijs-John Cena ***
"Can you believe Vince let us off early? I can't remember the last time we got ahead of schedule on a promo tour!" At the sound of his voice, I glanced over at Randy who was reclined in the passenger seat with his hands behind his head.
"Yea, I know. Can't say I'm disappointed, though. Punk and I haven't had our Christmas yet, but I'm sure you haven't either. What are your plans when you get home?"
"Eh, nothing special. Cody and I and are just opening gifts and doing all the traditional things. You and Punk doing anything special?"
I laughed at that. "No, nothing special at all. Punk hates Christmas. I think it has something to do with his childhood, but he hasn't really come out and said that and I don't want to bring back harsh memories by asking, you know?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked out the windshield, paying attention to the road.
"I feel you there. Cody and I both like Christmas because it was some of the only times during the year we got to see our dads. I still can't believe Vince made us do this tour during Chistm-" A loud beep interrupted Randy.
"That's my phone. Can you read me the text? Hopefully it's not Vince telling us to come back.
"Yea, if you don't mind."
"No, we've been friends for a long time so I don't think we have anything to hide from each other."
"Ok, man." Randy reached for and grabbed my phone that had been resting in the cup holder in the rental car. "It's from Punk and it says…" Randy waited on the text to open and when it did, the phone fell out of his hands and he screamed.
I looked over at him startled and watched him rubbing his eyes harshly. "Dude, what the hell? You dropped my phone. He couldn't have said something that bad."
Briefly halting his eye rubbing, Randy looked over at me and said, "It's not about what he said, it's about what he sent." Making sure the screen was facing the floor, Randy handed me the phone.
What I saw was shocking, but so fucking hot, I felt my jeans tighten immediately. My Punk was laid out on our bed with nothing but a pair of Santa themed underwear with the sexiest look on his face. Underneath the picture said, "have u been a good boy this yr?"
Yes, yes I have Santa and I want CM Punk's pert ass on a platter for Christmas. I pressed reply and handed the phone back to Randy. "Suck it up man! You see just as much of his body in the ring as in that picture. Text back for me, will ya?"
Randy looked over at me with a scowl that could curdle milk. "He's not laid out like he's about to get fucked when he's in the ring. I'm not touching your phone if that pic is still up." He crossed his arms to make his point.
"It's not. All you have to do is type what I say."
"Fine but it better not be anything too sexual because that's just too weird for me." Randy took the phone out of my hand and prepared to start texting.
"Okay, here's what I want you to say. I see you've been doing some shopping while I was gone. You have my attention and I'll be home before you know it. That's not too sexual for you is it, Randy?" He grumbled as he sent the text.
"I'm glad we are on the way to the airport because I don't want to have to deal with that more than I have to. How much longer until we get there?"
"Oh, about ten minutes or so."
"Good, good" Randy put my phone back in the cup holder and leaned back in his seat.
After seeing that picture, I wish I was home right now so I could pound Punk's sweet ass into the mattress, but I'm still a six hour flight away. I know one thing; I'll be joining the Mile High Club by myself on this flight. Punk is going to get it when I get home! By the time I'm done with him, he won't be able to walk for a week after. That will teach him not to be such a dirty tease!
Yep, I know I left out the fun part this chapter, but the whole next one will just the fun part. I know that this isn't as good as Candy Canes, but it was all I had in me and the Cena/Punk fan fiction paring is pitifully small. Please review if you are so inclined.