"...and that is why you're obviously Kira," Near was explaining to Light, stacking a deck of cards, as Matt walked through the door.
"Do you ever lay off this guy?" Matt asked. Light shot him a grateful look. "I mean, it's bad enough we all suspect him secretly, but you have to go blurting it out like that. Poor kid." Light's mouth worked wordlessly, caught between shock and anger, as Matt left the room.
"Matt, does have a point," Near said, almost to himself. "If I keep blatantly accusing you outright, you're more likely to watch your steps. Perhaps I should stop mentioning it, pretend I've put it off to the back of my mind, and see if the lack of pressure causes you to falter."
"I hate you. I hate you so much."
Near glared and opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by a low moan. Both their heads whipped around to Mello's door, and jumped as there was a sharp crack. Then another. And another.
"Oh Matt! Oh, Matt! Oh, oh!"
Near turned his head back to glare at Light, as the slamming of the headboard and Mello's moans increased in volume and frequency. "I want to leave. Now."
"Go to your room then," Light said, slightly confused.
"That doesn't work, it's right next to theirs."
"The monitor room then."
"L's in there. He's not to be disturbed unless it's an emergency." Near said it hesitantly, as though wondering if this might be considered an emergency. "So that leaves you. Take me to a diner or something."
"First of all I'm not your chauffeur, secondly -"
"Oh, god, oh, fuck me, fuck, fuck, yes!"
"Diner, now."
"The car's in the shop! Why do you think I'm home in the middle of the day on a Wednesday, anyway?"
Near frowned, looking increasingly uncomfortable. "We need to-"
"Oh, Matt, Matt, I love you!"
Near's head snapped back to look at Mello's door, which had eerily ceased in emitting noise. "Down, now," was all Near said before grabbing Light's hand and pulling him under the table. He shoved his hand against Light's mouth when he began to protest, Mello's door slamming open freezing both of them. Near was suddenly thankful for the frilly tablecloths Light kept insisting on them having. As long as Mello didn't specifically look under the table, they might be safe.
Near tried to still his breathing as he heard Mello storming through the house.
"Mello," Matt said, "what are you doing?" They'd both entered the kitchen.
"I need to make sure no one who heard that lives to tell," the statement was punctuated with the safety of a gun being released.
"Is it really that bad a thing to say? I say it all the time."
"Are Near and Light here? I thought Near and Light were here," Mello said, ignoring the question.
Matt leaned against the table, sighing. He bent his leg underneath, kicking Near's arm. He made a noise of surprise and leaned forward to look under the table. Near met his eyes, silently pleading to not give away their position.
"What's that?" Mello asked.
"I just remembered, Near and Light were leaving when I came in."
"Near's cards are still here."
"Tch," Near said mentally. He'd had to choose between grabbing Light or the cards, and had figured Light would be more willing to rat out Near had heard, too. Working with idiots had made him too lax, mentally.
"He had those stupid dolls with him instead when he left," Matt replied smoothly. "Come on. No one's home, put down the gun. Besides," he said, stepping away from the table, "we were in the middle of something."
"Huh? Oh."
Near watched their legs moving from under the table, saw Matt walk over to Mello, blushed at the soft, wet noises of them kissing. Stared in horror as Matt walked forward, pushing Mello back to the table. Mello let out a noise of surprise as his legs left the ground, as Matt no doubt was lifting him onto the table. Light looked at Near and made leaving motions. Near shook his head and made Mello-shooting-them-in-the-face motions.
"Say it again," Matt whispered.
"Shut up," Mello hissed, then groaned.
"Shhh, don't be noisy. We need to be able to hear if Near and Light come back."
Near wrung his hands in his shirt, furious with Matt. Matt's legs disappeared from view as he climbed onto the table. Near could feel his face go red as he realized what the high whine from Mello, followed but short, sharp pants, along with a low groan from Matt, meant.
"Mmm, tight. Tight, hot, wet, god," Matt was hissing. The tablecloth bunched up enough to allow them to see locks of Mello's hair flowing over the edge. The table rocked a little above them, making them both jump. Matt was still talking. "So hot, so cute, love you. Love you so much, I'm so hot for you, you feel so good, Mello," Near had never heard Matt being so inarticulate before, but it seemed Mello liked it, as he let out a loud moan at that. "Shh!" Matt cautioned, then resumed his whispering. Always annoyed at what sounds *did* come through, Near had never before realized that he should be grateful for the noises that *were* blocked by Mello's door.
Hands gripped the sides of the table, reaching under it for better purchase, Matt's hand on one side, covered with bracelets and rings, Mello's on the other, naked except for the coat of black polish on his nails. Mello was panting, letting out small gasps and moans, before beginning to answer Matt's whispers, speaking low and fast, so fast Near couldn't even make out which language it was. His eyes suddenly went wide as Mello decided to stop on one word.
"Masha...Masha, Masha," Mello was sighing softly, almost as a mantra. Near squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears, ignoring Light's questioning look. Covering his ears didn't do much, really, but any little bit helped. The table was shaking violently now, and even in his distress, a part of Near wondered if it was going to break, debating one whether it would be wise to try to run away while it was still intact. Just when he'd decided that not having a table break on top of him was worth risking the chance Mello might see him as he made a break for it, the shaking stopped. He slowly uncovered his ears to the sounds of soft panting. He started as Matt's legs suddenly reappeared, shaking slightly, and then Mello's.
"Shit," Mello muttered. "Stupid cards are stuck all over my back."
Near's eyes went wide, and he twisted his shirt so hard a button flew off and skittered across the floor. Matt laughed, and offered to help pull them off. A few moments later, the brushing of cards sounded. "What are you going to do with them? Just leave them?" Matt sounded as though he was smiling.
"Naw, that's... kinda weird. I'll put these in my room for now and get him another pack..."
"Hm, I don't think Near would mind having hot Mello sex-sweat all over his cards. I know I wouldn't."
"Yeah, well Near's not a filthy pervert like you."
"Right, so you say. And anyway, he's Near. He'll noticed his cards have gone missing, even for just a day."
"I dunno. I'll say Light threw them out or something."
"What?!" Light roared, stepping out from under the table. "You know, Mello, I knew you were blaming me for things, and now I have proof! Well it ends today, you hear! Wait til I tell... ...Where are your clothes?"
Near rolled his eyes, wondering what the hell Light thought they'd been doing. There was silence for a full ten seconds before Mello let out an unearthly scream and chased Light out of the room, the sound of gunshots ringing out.
Near climbed out from under the table slowly, refusing to meet Matt's eyes. He heard the click of a lighter and smelled tobacco. He glanced up as Matt tugged at the pocket of his shirt, slipping the deck of cards inside it. Near jerked away, slapping at Matt's hand before pushing past him, out of the room, cards still in his pocket.
"Pervert," Matt called after him.