Heya all…this is my first WW fanfic, and of course it would have to be off of a song…Music ((Besides WW and MR)) is the driving rage inside my soul, the obsession that keeps me up and puts me to sleep… blushes too much? Cough Cough ok. Fic time frame is end of season 5, and it is J/D, mostly Josh's thoughts…Anyways… Reviews would be lovely grand and exciting, good or bad…but one thing…I actually can't remember the color of Donna's eyes, so if I am wrong ((Read on…you'll see)) Don't flame me, ok? I'm too busy looking at Bradley Whitford to remember what color her eyes are…ramble ramble… ((The song is "You" from Evanescence))
"Can I get you anything else Mr Lyman?" The stewardess asked, smiling a little too sweetly.
"No, thanks" Josh Lyman replied without feeling. He had turned off his laptop, having finished with his email, not wanting to read it over again. Once was enough, reading the letter, that damned special assignment report. Why did he send her there? Hours from his destination and hours from home, feeling caught in the middle of time. What was it that the president said about night flights? Sam had mentioned it to him. Night flights gave the passengers time to think thoughts that hadn't been thought yet, a chance to be poets. Josh dug in his bag for a small pad of paper and pencil. He had so much going on in his brain, so many emotions. He was overwhelmed by them. Stanley had told him to write it down, get it out. He looked down at the pad and began write words without meaning, incoherent sentences filled with love and hate, anger, resentment, and fear. What the hell was Donna Moss doing in a hostpital bed in Germany??? As his eyes closed to hold back the tears that he held in so tightly, Josh rested his head back against the chair for a moment. He calmed himself by doing what he always did, imagining her face. He knew it so well, the subtle changes in moods and time of day, the way it glowed and shimmered. Donna's face had always comforted him. He opened his eyes, looking down at the paper. Josh sighed and ripped the paper from the pad, crumpling the words and tossing them into the seat next to his.
A chance to be a poet…what was he going to say to her when he saw her again? Sorry I sent you off to die? Sorry I couldn't tell you how much I wanted you to be close? Sorry that I had to hide the real reasons why you never got promoted, receiving a job more worthy of your talents? Sorry…sorry…Josh rubbed his eyes, so tired but unable to sleep.
The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I can't sleep
I need to tell you goodnight
What would he do if he lost her completely? He had pondered the thought before, but it was always a fleeting one. He never actually thought he would loose her like this. A different job eventually. That would come of course, she was brilliant. She would have to move on, but by then he had always thought that they would have moved beyond friendship. He always thought they had time. She was always finding more gomers to date, he promised himself never to get too serious with a girl so when the time would come, it would just happen. But she almost died…she could still…the tears threatened again and Josh held his breath, waiting for the wave to subside.
When we're together I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you I fall apart
All you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue I can't look away
Her blue eyes, they've always sparkled. Except now, how could they? He knew that something would be forever lost in those eyes as he looked at her laying in the bed, cords attached at all angles, her smooth skin bruised and battered. All he could think of doing was crawling next to her and holding her until it was all over, until she was well again. Instead he just sat down in the chair next to the bed and stared at her, his lovely Donna. His eyes were sore from the constant threat of tears, he couldn't fall apart now. Twice in the cab ride from the airport he almost lost it. But he was here with her, everything would be ok, Right? Josh sighed and leaned back in the chair, letting himself fall asleep for the first time in days.
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me
Baby, marry me, promise you'll stay with me
Oh you don't have to ask me
You know you're all that I live for
You know I'd die just to hold you, stay with you
Josh sat up quickly, his dream still fresh, he could almost smell Donna's hair, her perfume. Rubbing his eyes he looks around. His life had come to a stop over the past week, revolving around hospital routines and schedules. Donna looked peaceful as she slept, the morning sun touching her softly. Josh reached out and softly touched her face, thankful for the quiet moment together. She had come out of surgery ok, but had yet to wake. Josh let a tear escape as the pain revisited him, finding Donna's room empty, searching for her, only to hear that she had developed a blood clot. His world stopped as he saw her on the operating table. He shook off the feeling and watched his Donna breathing softly, her bruises healing slowly.
Somehow I'll show you
That you are my night sky
I've always been right behind you
Now I'll always be right beside you
If she would let me, I would stay by her forever. I'd give her everything, all of me, just to hear her say that she loved me like I loved her. It was so scary for him, everything he loved seemed to fall apart on some level. But he'd risk everything for this woman. He'd give everything. The tears came now, he smiled at the girl that had captured his heart and consumed his thoughts.
"I love you Donatella Moss, don't leave me here alone." He whispered to her sleeping form.
Donna sighed softly, as if stirring from a dream, she smiled slightly and opened her eyes half way.
"I love you too Josh" She fell back to sleep, a small smile on her face, a soft glow returning to her cheeks. Josh sat, tears on his cheeks, staring at her, knowing it would all be ok. His Donna loved him.
So many nights I've cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me, I love myself
I never thought that I'd say that
I never thought there'd be you.