A/N: Heya everybody! A little 38 thing I put together in honor of my friend Kate's birthday. It's fairly late. (sigh) Hopefully this came out as well as I intended it to, because I'm not used to writing SanzoHakkai. Oh well, enjoy.

Secrets

"Sanzo?"

"Hm?"

"Do you… have any secrets?"

"…I suppose. What brought this on?"

"I was just wondering, if you'd tell me some one day. Like, why the rain upsets you."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"…Ch' you talk too much."

---

It had been a long hard week on all of them. No one had seen a bed or a town in what felt like months, and it had rained mercilessly for five long days. They had all been nothing more then drowned rats, and though it was hard on everyone, it was most difficult on Sanzo. The monk was only human and there was only so much he could take. His patience was beginning to thin until the fellow ikkou members were sure it would snap.

Hakkai had especially been worried about the blond for reasons he would not say. He watched as day by day the monk reached the end of his mental tether, and Hakkai practically exclaimed out in joy when they reached town, and found an inn. Sanzo had ordered four separate rooms, and then disappeared in his own. Hakkai didn't doubt that the man needed some time for himself, and simply left him be.

Sanzo had not come down for dinner, and no one really blamed him. They all simply ordered dinner to their rooms, and put it on the bill. Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku enjoyed their time together, eating and talking and relishing in the warmth that the inn had to offer. Gojyo and Goku argued endlessly without anyone to break up their arguments, and Hakkai laughed at their childishness.

Dinner ended without incident, save for a few things being thrown here and there. Gojyo and Goku retired to their rooms, though Hakkai lingered in the hallway for longer then necessary. He had been worried about the monk for a long time, and shutting himself away like this couldn't be good for him. Quietly, he headed towards the other man's room, hesitating before knocking lightly. When he heard no reply, he silently opened the door and stepped inside.

What he saw took his breath away.

Sanzo had previously taken a shower, as his hair was still drying in places and clung to his neck like it was gold painted on porcelain. He wore nothing more than jeans that clung to him like a second skin, accenting his muscled legs right down to his bare feet where they were propped against the opposite side of the window frame. His pale skin almost seemed to glow in the dim light of the evening, and his violet eyes pierced directly at him from under strands of golden sunlight.

Hakkai forced his racing heart to calm as he slowly closed the door behind him, leaning back as he watched the man at the window. Sanzo placed a cigarette between his lips, allowing the end to glow bright red before the smoke rolled out over his lips and disappeared into the air.

"What do you want, Hakkai?" Sanzo asked, turning his attention towards the window once again. His voice sounded unusually light, as though his roughness was stolen with the rain, and Hakkai smiled. He liked to think that he was the only person Sanzo couldn't be mad at.

Locking the door, he cautiously crossed the room. "I came to see you, of course." At the glare, he placed on a cheerful smile. "What? It stopped raining, didn't it?"

Sanzo turned back to the window, as though assessing the dry window pane, the puddles along the gravel ground and the water that dripped from the leaves. "…I guess…" he said simply, not evening bothering to push the brunet away as he wound his arms around his neck, placing his chin against the bare shoulder and staring out at the transparent reflection. He smiled sweetly, leaning towards the blond and kissing his neck. Sanzo shrugged him off, crushing the cigarette into the window frame and standing, walking away from the brunet.

"Not right now, Hakkai," the blond said softly. He sounded strained; tired. It was as though the mission was taking more out of him then it should have. Hakkai knew that the monk was haunted by the skeletons hiding in the far back of his closest, hindered by wounds Hakkai couldn't heal. He frowned softly at the persistent blond. He couldn't heal those wounds simply because Sanzo wouldn't let him.

"Am I beaten again by a past I know nothing of?" Hakkai asked bitterly, stepping up towards the man. Sanzo backed away; but Hakkai grabbed his wrist and kept him in place. Pinning him down with his own emerald gaze, Sanzo froze. "Sanzo, I've told you all my secrets. Every one of them. Why do you keep hiding away from me? You can trust me, can't you?"

"It's not that simple," Sanzo snapped, pulling his wrist away. "Since when the hell did you become so inquisitive?" Attempting to put distance between the two of them, Sanzo grabbed his cigarettes from the window and placed one to his lips, allowing the lighter to flare up in the dim light, accenting his violet eyes.

"Since I wanted to know what was going on in my lover's life," Hakkai replied coolly as he crossed his arms and regarded the man in front of him. Sanzo said nothing as he inhaled the nicotine slowly.

Sanzo had never told him anything personal, and that was riding on Hakkai's nerves. The man was a secret in himself, mysterious and alluring. Hakkai hated to admit the fact that he loved that about his lover, but at the same time it could be trying and tiresome when he never wanted to tell Hakkai anything. Sometimes Hakkai wanted to kiss him stupid for it, and other times wanted to smack the truth out of him. Sanzo was amazing and infuriating in that way.

When it seemed Sanzo would not say anything, Hakkai crossed the room swiftly, knocking the cigarette from his hand and kissing him fiercely. Sanzo was momentarily stunned, giving Hakkai the upper hand. Only a moment later did Sanzo regain control of himself and begin kissing the man back with intensity. Hakkai's hands found their way around Sanzo's neck, twisting around in his golden locks as he felt a hand on the back of his head, and one on the small of his back. Tongues danced for dominance before the pair broke apart to breathe.

"Why don't you ever tell me anything about you?" Hakkai whispered against his lips, finding himself drowning in violet pools.

Sanzo hesitated, no emotion playing in his eyes before he spoke, "Do you want me to tell you something?" he asked softly, before kissing him again. "Without you I would've gone crazy a long time ago." Hakkai couldn't help but smile as Sanzo kissed the side of his lips. "Is that good enough for you?" he breathed against the man's skin.

Hakkai laughed airily. "It'll have to do." He bit Sanzo's lower lip playfully. "For now."

Sanzo rolled his eyes and the pair silently headed towards the bed. Both fell onto it, and nothing was said as they moved under the blankets. They were both too weary from long days of travel to even attempt anything, and so they both silently left it at that. Hakkai wrapped his arms around Sanzo's middle, using his shoulder as a pillow as he closed his eyes. He felt Sanzo's hand on his back and he smiled.

"You know the room you rented me was going to go to waste anyway, right?" Hakkai asked him, cracking open an eye to look up at the monk carefully.

Sanzo frowned softly, closing his eyes. "You're such a nuisance."

Hakkai merely smiled, closing his eyes. Of all the secrets this wondering, blond man carried, there was one he would always search for. An answer—a truth—he was going to try and dig out of the man perhaps until they died. But Hakkai would wait years if it meant this one little secret about the blond could be discovered. Sighing in content, Hakkai allowed himself to slip into slumber in the safety of arms he knew too well.

"I love you, Sanzo."