A/N: Another collab and a sort-of sequel to Iced Ogre, only this is going to be, like, an epic drama or something. Written in the midst of tragedy, so you know it's extra good.
Shrek, covered in debris and coughing, awoke with a start. "Where... where am I?" The last thing he could remember was the roar of the plane engine as it sailed lazily through the sky, lulling him to sleep.
He stood up and glanced around, wondering what had just happened. He heard coughing from behind him and saw flames shooting from the wreckage of the plane.
He turned toward the coughing and saw Descole lying flat on his face. The senior class field trip was off to a great start.
At the alarming sight of flames crawling towards the great Caped Clown, Shrek stumbled to the man. However, the moment he grabbed Descole's skinny chicken leg arms he was shoved violently backwards. "I.." Descole coughed fabulously, "I do not need the help of some... augh, some filthy bumpkin like yourself." Descole proceeded to do a double backflip thirty feet in the air-which would've been awesome if he landed on his feet-but his dismount was ruined as he landed on a blue spiky creature lying face-first in the dirt.
Descole, embarrassed and slightly injured, immediately jumped off of the hedgehog, being careful to look as eloquent and poised as one possibly could after falling 30 ft. With a flourish of his cape, he turned toward the wreckage. A single tear ran down his cheek.
"My gourmet salmon is lost now lost to the inferno…forever," he whispered as he fondly remembered the times he spent with his favorite in-flight meal. The grieving period was just now starting to set in.
Shrek, rolling his eyes, walked around Descole and sat on his heels by the blue creature. Flipping the creature on its back, he watched for any movement from its chest. "Good... looks like he's breathing. I'd hate to have to give him mouth-to-mouth. These lips are only meant to kiss-" Shrek's eyes widened.
"DONKEY!" Shrek shrieked. His scream of terror awoke the blue creature at his side, and caused the feathers on Descole's boa to puff up like a scared little bird.
Donkey, much like everyone else from the plane, was lying face-first in the sand about two hundred feet away. Only this time, he was wedged about three feet into the ground, with only his rear end sticking out.
Shrek tried to run to Donkey's side only to be hindered by the soggy sand. He only ended up tripping and kicking sand directly into Sonic's face. Sonic stared blankly ahead, not knowing how to react. First, a man with a fake European accent had shattered every bone in his body at least twice, and now a giant green ogre had flung three tons of sand into his eye balls.
Woozy, confused, and leaking from his eyes, Sonic tried to push himself up with his palms.
"Hey, hey, ow!" At the voice, Sonic raised his arm. A bee was sitting in the sand, cradling his tiny bee head in his tiny bee hand. "That stings! Am I right?"
Sonic couldn't believe it. He was stuck on an island with giant green ogre, a flamboyant pirate with terrible fashion sense, and a tiny talking bee comedian. Or Comb-edian, as he case may be.
For a solid five minutes, Sonic glared at the bee. After everyone started to fidget as result of the awkward silence, he began to laugh. His laughter rose to a cackle, causing everyone to nervously laugh along with him. Even Descole, still grieving, was able to let out a small chuckle.
"Boy, you guys better BEE thankful a guy like me can appreciate a good pun every once in a while. Have I ever mentioned I was a fan of you, Barry? I am. I am the fan." Sonic nodded as he thought about his confession. Barry had been his idol since the day he was old enough to understand that Tails' last name was actually a cleverly disguised pun. That was yesterday.
"Well, I couldn't bee more grateful to you," Barry mumbled ("A MUMBLE BEE!" Sonic laughed) as he glanced around. "Say, why are we on a beech?"
"I think our plane crashed," Sonic turned his head, surveying the area. "It looks like the five of us are the only survivors..." Sonic prayed that wasn't the case, but with his broken bones he couldn't get up to look for his sometimes-friend-sometimes-enemy Shadow. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked to his broken feet. He would never go fast again.
"BOOM BABY! Haha yeah that's right Sonic. I'm here. I'm alive. My feet are not broken. Now I can truly be fast. Now I can truly be the ULTIMATE LIFEFORM!" Shadow was standing atop a rock, continuously pumping his fist. He then proceeded to attempt the double-back flip Descole had botched up moments ago, only this time he got, like, fifty feet of air and stuck the landing perfectly. Descole's boa fluffed up again as he started to cough extremely loudly into his boa, for seemingly no reason.
Shadow had landed between Sonic and Shrek and now stood triumphantly awaiting applause. None came.
Shrek stared both hedgehogs down, purposely ignoring Barry, his rival. There could only be one Dreamworks character on this island, and there could only be one Dreamworks character who had the right of being Sonic's idol. (That title originally belonged to Marty from Madagascar, but that's a different story for a different time.)
Barry's gaze flicked towards Shrek. Instantly, the bee cloaked his face in an expression of pure rage. "Ah, look who's here. The guy whose franchise keeps droning on and on."
"My franchise might be beating itself into the ground, but at least I actually got sequels!"
"BUZZ OFF!" Barry yelled, shooting from his spot in the sand to hover between Shrek's eyes.
"Bee-lieve me, I'd love to," Shrek glared at the bee, "But clearly, there's nowhere for me to go. Nowhere for any of us to go, actually. So for the moment, we need to put aside our hatred and try to get out of this situation."
"I suppose you're right this time, ogre. But when the time comes, beelieve me, I will not allow myself to bee seen with the likes of you. And when that time comes, I will truly reign. It is I who will be Queen Bee on this island."
Barry then tried to emulate Descole's cape flip but failed due to him not wearing a cape at the time.
Shrek's face wrinkled in disgust as he watched the bee float off toward the line of trees that separated the beach from the rest of the island. He could sense the unknown dangers and horrors that awaited the group the moment they stepped foot into the forest, but he failed to tell Barry. Barry would just have to take one for the team and sacrifice himself to the beasts. He will be fondly remembered.
: As Shrek's gaze drifted from Barry and the forest, he laid his eyes on Donkey's butt. Donkey! After the ruckus Descole, Sonic, and everyone else had caused, he had managed to forget the mule. He began sprinting toward the butt.
Sliding toward Donkey's butt like it was home plate, Shrek stood upright and grabbed a hold of his companion's rump. With a tug, Donkey was free, and the two of them tumbled backwards into the rising surf. Donkey landed on Shrek's stomach and gazed into the ogre's eyes with an expression that could only be classified as the deepest and most profound Gaze of Love.
However, just before the two of them could share in a passionate kiss, a strong wave forced them onto shore. Sitting upright, the two laughed as they brushed sand off of each other's faces.
"Lol, gay," said Descole.
As the two continued to brush sand off each other's faces, reality began to sink in for Sonic. "Hey yo dudes. Check out the sun. It's setting. I could've sworn it was only like 10 AM before the plane crashed, but that doesn't matter now. What are we going to do? What am I going to do?! Without my feet I am a shell of my former self! A SHELL!"
As Sonic broke down into hysterics, Shadow looked beyond the sands of the beach, beyond Shrek and Donkey, and beyond the plane wreckage. The fiery mass that was the setting sun reflected on his eyes, and in that moment, he felt like he could save everyone on this island. From what, he was not sure. But he knew. "Well, since our resident hero Sonic is no longer of any use to us, I say he takes one for the team and becomes our next meal. I'm sure he'll last us a couple hours, at most."
Everyone immediately stopped whatever it was they were doing to stare at Shadow. Even Barry returned from the edges of the forest to take a good, long, hard look at the hedgehog.
"Dude what the heck," Descole said. Everyone nodded in agreement. Descole was on a one-liner role today.
Shadow backed up slowly, intimidated by the group's collective stare. "Well, does anyone else have any better ideas?"
"Well, I mean, before we start eating people, we might want to make sure there's no way to get off this island." Shrek, ever the wise ogre, laid down some sweet sensibility into the dark hedgehog. Together, they turned toward the island's mysterious forest, which was slowly being cloaked in darkness.
"I can feel it…" Shrek stated almost breathlessly, "Somewhere in there… we'll find a way to get out of here."
Shadow could feel it too. But his sense was more powerful than Shrek's. And right at that moment, his sense was telling him that somewhere in that mystical forest—beyond merely a way off the island—somewhere laid the secret to becoming the ULTIMATE LIFEFORM.
Descole could sense something too. It was a fart that ripped from his behind with such force and ferocity that the gas rocketed out of his butt—so fast and so far that it ignited with the flames of the downed aircraft—causing a massive explosion.
TO BE CONTINUED...