Disclaimer: Anyone you can recognize, not mine. I don't know Aiden's preference on pizzas but I know Danny's. I won't mind taking the CSI:NY team out on a power lunch though.

Always There

©Toni

Hey, Aiden, you got a minute? Great. I just need to get these things off my chest. Mac and Stella are too busy to play mommy and daddy to me, Hawkes is focused on getting on the promotion list… yeah, the one I unceremoniously exited. And the new girl, Montana, I mean, Lindsey – well, she wouldn't understand.

I'm not feeling good lately. I don't show it but it gets harder and harder to wake up in the morning and clock in at work everyday. It almost painful to stare down the same microscopes, walking on the same hallways, shutting the same locker door after all these years. Do you think I need a change, Aid? I'm not quite sure myself. You know you have to haul my ass over to the department shrink before I'd set foot in his office – no way I'm going there. I'm not even sure if it's the work I'm stressed out over, among other things.

It all started when I got 'trapped' in that god forsaken panic room with that madman some time ago. Man, you should've been there! You know how I feel every time new equipment comes in the lab, right? Stop laughing! I still know my Flintstones forensics. We had the guy right there under our noses after all. But that's not why I'm complaining… the bastard knew the master code all the while he was burning holes through the door. Can you imaging how hot it is in a room with no AC, not even windows? Er… I take that back.

I have told you about my brother Louie, have I? Well, that day, after two years with no peep from him, he calls me up, asking if I can meet him for a beer. At first, I ignored all his calls. Why would I talk to him anyway? I have my own life, a job… I'm not going to take in some slob with a perpetual open hand. I know, I know – he's family, yet, two years? Not even my Mommy knew where he was during those times. Then poof, he calls me up. I didn't even know he had my number. In the end, Stella talked me into it. Yeah, took her that long. Wonder how long it would take if you were the one talking to me at that time. Or better yet, what if we were trapped in there together? At least, I have someone alive there with me. You're right… I wouldn't trap myself at the first place if you were with me.

Aiden, I remember you telling me that we are what we are because of the things we experienced in the past. Brooklyn made you 'Aiden'. Tanglewood made me 'Danny'. I never really agreed with you on that; yet I know better than to disagree with Miss Aiden Burn. I still don't. Okay, before you hit me again, let me explain. I simply think that no matter how you try to shun the past, it finds a way to catch up and overtake you. I wasn't very good in that department, facing the past. You know me as headstrong, always going forward – not looking back. I still am.

Quite frankly, I wanted to join the gang. Louie was my hero. My old man wasn't really the 'superhero dad' every little boy dreams of. Sure he took me out fishing and stuff, but I always envisioned pop and son out camping or hunting game and such. My brother was that for me; growing up as a scrawny little boy with glasses – Louie was Clark Kent and I was Peter Parker. I got this tattoo over here to prove to the gang that I was ready, even if I was barely 16 at that time. I was a week away from initiation… and they got busted. I got busted as well – by my Dad. He 'confiscated' my license and drove me to and from school to be sure that I won't "end up like your good for nothing brother". You can just imagine how embarrassing that could be for a 16-year-old.

Well, enough about that. You know, partner… you would have liked the new girl. Her name is Lindsey Monroe from Bozeman, Montana. She's this little lady, brown-eyed, blonde. But don't let looks deceive you – she's a good CSI and scary in interrogation. It's nice to have more females on the team. Hey hey, I didn't mean it that way so don't hit me. It hurts, you know.

No, go on… hit me. I need it. Nobody hits me anymore, sans the bitches and bastards we catch everyday. This passed year has been a constant downhill for me. First Tanglewood, then you had to go, then Tanglewood again, then Flack gets into an explosion.

He's recovering now, but he was in a coma for about a month or so. Everyone here was pretty much down in the dumps since then; Stella had her own crap named Frankie. Yeah, I know… he's been taken care of now, if you know what I mean.

Then you had to go… for real. Aiden, I told you that I'd take care of that prick Pratt for you. Me and Mac promised. You didn't have to worry about him at all. But I guess, the Aiden Burn had the burning desire to throw his ass in jail and put that needle on his arm, am I right or am I right? I remember we're supposed to watch a movie that day… on that day we… we found you.

I sat in the break room that afternoon, unmoving – in denial. My best friend's gone… you're gone… Aiden's gone. Only now that I can cry about it – over you. It hit me like a baseball going 96mph. Right on the face. I couldn't look at you, or what was left of your body. Even your picture was hard to look at, no offense. When that prick was finally caught, it took every fiber in my body to restrain myself from wringing his neck. Him being in jail doesn't even justify what he did.

I apologize, Aid, for not saying anything at your funeral. We saw each other differently than the rest – I want to keep it that way. You're Aiden and I'm Danny to everyone else. But for you and me, the only thing missing is we sleeping together… KIDDING! Alright, I'm joking.

You're right, you're too good for me. But even you have time to listen to blabber of someone like me. For that, thank you. For everything… thank you. I hope you're alright up there. Until the next time, Aiden.

Bye.

CSINY CSINY CSINY CSINY CSINY CSINY CSINY CSINY CSINY CSINY

"Hey Danny," Lindsey's not so bright smile greeted me on my way back in.
"Where have you been?"

"I just met up with an old friend," I said giving her my own sad smile. She understood.

"I see. Anyway, it's a slow day so far. We're ordering pizza – extra pepperoni for you?" she asked. Aiden used to give me all the pepperoni on her pizza and I exchange them for pineapple.

"Yeah, thanks."

Lindsey walked away to Mac's office and took his 'order'. A few minutes later, the whole team, including Flack were crammed in the break room. We were laughing and joking – it's like nothing happened.

Before I realize it, I was putting all the pepperoni of my pizza slice back in the box. Mac and Stella followed, then Flack and Hawkes. We explained to Lindsey that Aiden hated pepperoni. She smiled in understanding and removed hers as well.

Then, cases started coming in. We left the box and the two slices of pizza in the break room and went on to work. Getting my first coffee, I came back in, checked the pizza (if it's still there) – and found that one slice was gone and pepperoni from that pizza was piled neatly on one side.

"Just like what Aiden would do," I said to myself.

She'll always be here… always there.

06.20.2006