A/N: This was on a whim. Well not really, I was thinking about it while doing my English paper.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Sigh. If I did, trust me this fic would actually be in the books. Fifteen times.
Be warned: embarrassing!Sirius, suggestive themes, altogether hilarious. Sexual innuendos only, no graphic stuff.
Not slash, but if you want it to be, you can squint and see a little smidgen of it!
"Don't be so afraid of it, Moony! It won't bite, I promise."
"I'm not so sure, Prongs. That thing looks downright scary."
"Hey! No one insults my property!"
"It's so.. huge. And stop grinning like a lunatic, James."
"I can't help but be proud of Prongs Junior now can I?"
"Prongs Junior? Whoever names theirs anyway?"
"Stop insulting me and try holding it."
"No way! It looks so.. stiff."
"You're acting as if it's your first time touching it."
"..."
"It isn't your first time touching this thing, right?"
"..."
"Bloody hell, Moony! How have you lived all this while!"
"Oh shut up. I'm not as active as you."
"Well come on then, touch it. It's safe."
"No, I-"
"..."
"..."
"There. Doesn't that just give you a shiver of pleasure, Moony?"
"I.. I guess.."
"Ugh, you're hopeless. Fine, try this instead."
"Wait, Prongs, no! I won't touch that!"
"Grab it then."
"No! It's huge."
"Same as the one before."
"Not huge huge, but huge.. huge! And it's so.."
"Round?"
"It's physically impossible for something to be that round. This is just preposterous."
"Don't believe it now do you? Touch it then. Finger it, stroke it or whatever. Trust me, just the feeling of touching it will give you bliss!"
"You sound so experienced."
"Only because I do it everyday."
Sirius could not take it anymore. He had enough of this.. sick talk! Kicking open the door, he closed his eyes and prepared for a really crude and disgusting scene of his two best friends that would scar his eyes for eternity..
"What the hell are you doing, Padfoot?"
Said Marauder opened his eyes slowly, and was shocked by what he saw.
James raised an inquiring eyebrow, waving the broomstick in front of his best mate's eyes to snap him out of his daze. Right beside him, Remus was very timidly poking a golden snitch, looking very wary of the item.
Sirius felt his face flush with embarrassment. He groaned into his hands, sinking to his knees while hissing, "Ugh, you two, watch what you're saying the next time!"