Title: Half Frozen
Author: Kyatsuki Ora
Notes: Me being in a reflective and self-deprecatory mood. A short look at Momo Hinamori at the moment of her 'death'.
Aizen-taichou…how many times has that phrase passed my lips? In my youth, I imagine the moment where I'll finally be able to stand by your side, and have you be proud of me. I worked hard to earn my shinigami uniform. Izuru and Renji joked about my eagerness to join the Gotei 13, but I didn't care. I was in where I was wanted. When Aizen-taichou requested for me to be in his company, I was so surprised…so ecstatic… It was such an honor for me to be noticed by him.
It took a long time, but I finally did it: I became the fukutaichou of 5th division. He came personally to tell me the news, and I almost cried with happiness at the information. We fought many times, me covering him while he attacked the hollows. We trusted each other implicitly, never wavering in our belief. I felt so ineffective at those times of danger, when I failed him while he needed me the most. Often I was injured, and he had to protect me while fighting others. Not able to protect the person I admire so much often drove me to frustration and tears. But all that went away when he hugged me and said in that deep voice of his. "You did very well, Momo. So, don't fret, little one." He always called me that when I was upset. Even though he said he used it for those who have been under his care, I only heard him call me that. I made me feel … special.
He was my captain, my best friend, the one I loved most in my life … and he was taken away from me in an instant. The world suddenly twisted, with the sky under my feet. I felt I was falling, headlong, into a void in which no one will ever come to rescue me. I was overwhelmed in grief and anger, and when Matsumoto showed me Aizen-taichou's letter, how could I not believe those words? He left me with his final wish, and I must fulfill it.
Shirou-chan…how could you do that to him?! He was one of the strongest pillars for Soul Society, and you took him away! I'll never forgive you!! … but I can't do what Aizen-taichou asked me. Shirou is my friend too … I'm confused, taichou … what should I do…?
I woke from the temporary darkness Hitsugaya put me through. My heart felt half dead from the recent events. The one I loved was murdered, my best friend turned out to be a traitor, Seireitei is under attack by the foreign souls … my world has turned upside-down, and there's no Aizen-taichou to assure me that everything will turn out for the best … I was only mildly surprised when Ichimaru-taichou came to take me somewhere. I could care less where he is taking me … I don't have the heart to feel anything anymore …
"… A-Aizen-taichou? Is that really you?" I saw him again. He is alive and well. I embraced him with all my being, wanting to fill myself up of his presence.
"The last days have been hard on you, isn't it, Momo?"
"It's doesn't matter. Knowing that you're alive makes me really happy." I couldn't contain my tears anymore and wept.
"Will you do something for me, little one?"
I stared at the bloodied sword that's inside me, my mind could not comprehend… "Aizen-tai…chou?"
"I have to do this. Sleep well, Momo."
The world spun and blurred, threatening to tear everything apart. I chose to close my eyes and let myself fall in the everlasting darkness. My heart is already half frozen, let it complete the morph to its complete frozen stage unscarred.
"I will miss you, Aizen-taichou…"
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