Making it home

Dear dad,

I know I'm on my way home right now, but I still wanted to write you this note because when I get home, I may just be too excited just seeing you and forget to tell you all the things I'm thinking right now.

I can't wait to see you, but those words can't even begin to descibe how I really feel inside. The last weeks in Korea were the toughest in my life, but it almost seems as though they were there so I didn't forget how bad it was there and how great it'll be when I finally, finally get home to you.

I'm looking forward to doing everything like I used to. The thought of sleeping on my bed again, a bed that doesn't creak althrough the night, everytime I turn! It'll be like heaven. And not sharing sleeping space with people. I hope I'm still gonna be able to sleep on my own, so if you wake up in the middle of the night and trip over my body on your way out the room, I guess we'll know the answers no!

Food is going to be something else I can't wait to taste again. I can't honestly say I've had any food the whole time I've been here. If we had a dog I don't think I'd feed it what I've had to put up with, at least not unless I was trying to get it to leave home.

Having a bath will be nice. Laying down and just being able to soak.

There are so many things I can't wait to do.

Well, I'm going to try to take a nap now so I'm not too exhausted when I see you again. I'm not sure you'll recognise me as it is. I've been having trouble sleeping and I'm sure this trip won't be any different even if it is an end to the biggest nightmare I've ever had, I still have all the others locked in my head that'll never leave. Sorry, I'm ranting a little, told you I was tired.

Mostly dad, I want to say I love you. More than life itself.

I know I won't forget to say that to you, but it can't be said enough.

I'll see you soon (it's fantastic to write that and know it's true!)

Your son,

Hawkeye.

Hawkeye folded the letter up again and placed it back in his pocket, He didn't really know why he'd brought it with him here. He didn't even know why he'd come along himself, especially as everyone who tried to talk to him got near enough snubbed.

That's why he sat at the 1 year MASH 4077th reunion all on his own. He just didn't want to get into a conversation with anyone, too many questions were asked and he wasn't prepared to answer them. Thankfully, no one seemed to intent to push, but he also was very aware that the closest people to him from Korea weren't yet here. That would be harder for him to act quite so aloof with them, although he hadn't had any contact with any of them since the war ended.

The first person he had to fob off was Trapper McIntyre. He was still here somewhere and although they'd spent a long time together, they never really were that close. Trapper hadn't written the whole time he'd been at home and Hawkeye made a big deal of it. Trapper looked pretty pissed off about the whole thing, but it wasn't his problem, he could have written once in the two years he was sitting around at home.

That at least meant he wouldn't be bothered by him. Seeing as they were the closest to each other at that time, Trapper hadn't bonded so well with the others. True, he liked Radar and Klinger but he hadn't gotten to know either Margaret or Father Mulcahy as well as Hawkeye had, so he sort of hoped that Trapper would leave early. He didn't care if he did or didn't, as he wasn't his main concern. How he could get BJ, Margaret and Colonel Potter, darn it, Sherman off his back, that was a different matter. He was pretty sure that they wouldn't allow it quite as easily.

A little while after Trapper, Hawkeye saw Charles. The reunion was held in Boston, so no excuse for any of them to be late. They had got on O.K. during the war. It was no deep, special friendship, but they didn't hate each other so it was fine him being there. Thankfully Charles didn't even notice Hawkeye sat in the corner alone, so he could carry on meeting and greeting and Hawkeye could stay quiet and very alone.

There was only one reason Hawkeye had come to the reunion and it wasn't due to his having nothing better to do. It was fear that having so many of them so close and Hawkeye not turning uo, they may have surprised him at Crabapple Cove and he didn't want that to happen, he couldn't escape the truth if they were all there.

Hawkeye could hear the noise as a new person joined the party and letting himself drift away from it all again, he pulled the letter out once more and read it again. His mind travelled back to his first day back from the war.

Everything looked so fresh, so colourful and the beauty. It was even more breth taking that Hawkeye remembered.

He couldn't wait to get to his house, see his dad.

The journey wasn't a long one, he'd be there soon, back in his home with all the familiar comforts around him.

In no time at all he was paying the fair for his journey and then, he stood there, in front of his home and he knew within minutes he'd be in an embrace with his dad.

He opened the door and enetered his home where he hadn't been in years. All the smells hit him again, all too familiar and comforting...

"Pierce." Came a familiar voice, cutting through the room and his thoughts like a sharp knife.

Charles Winchester was striding towards him, clearly having just noticed him. He had a strange look on his face which Hawkeye couldn't really make out.

Hawkeye stood to greet the former Major. "Charles." He responded holding out his hand which Charles shook with a strong grip.Rather than let go after the shake, he pulled Hawkeye along with him, so they were futher away from everyone else. In fact, he didn't stop moving until they were completly alone.

Hawkeye looked a little anxious at Charles waiting to see what all this was about.

Charles looked carefully about him once more before near enough whispering"I heard the news. I'm..."

Hawkeye held up a hand to stop Charles from speaking. "I don't want anyone to know this. Nothing's wrong as far as everyone's concerned and that includes you dragging me off somewhere to talk quietly. Don't you think people will think somethings wrong." Hawkeye's voice was laced with an anger that Charles had never heard before.

"Hawkeye."

A voice behind them which Charles reacted to. Hawkeye himself didn't move. Charles nodged him and he looked round. BJ Hunnicutt stood there, looking no different from how he had a year ago. Hawkeye knew he'd aged more since leaving the war, unlike BJ who seemed to still look fresh and innocent.

"Beej." He said, but it didn't sound right, using an affectionate nickname mixed with his tone of voice. He was still mad with Charles and his anger still didn't get subsided easily.

BJ came closer. He noticed Hawkeye's lack of enthusiasm at seeing him. He'd have to tell him. "Hawk, I know. I know what happened."

"What" Hawkeye asked confused and looking accusingly at Charles.

"I'm sorry." BJ said.

Hawkeye didn't say anything. Damn, this was ruining everything. Two people knew, how many others would by the end of the day?

"I don't wanna talk about it." Hawkeye said, moving between the two men and towards the crowd.

He went into the hallway where people were entering. It seemed to be the worse move he could make.

There were more of them there. Radar, Sherman, Klinger, Margaret, Trapper, Mulcahy. Had they all had some kind of meeting?

A silence just seemed to appear there, making everyone nervous and feel awkward.

Hawkeye looked at the room behind him. It was the kitchen and with a door straight out to the garden. "S'cuse me." he said, leaving them to deal with the silence.

Hawkeye didn't make it far outside. He felt too damn sick to go far, but there was a bench in the garden so he made his way to that and sat heavily on it. He rubbed his hands over his face.

He felt the presence of someone sitting next to him, but he kept his eyes shut. If he didn't look, he didn't have to deal with this.

He felt a hand on his knee. "Hawk, it's BJ."

Hawkeye opened his eyes and looked at his friend. "I didn't want anyone to know." he said sadly.

"Why not? We're your friends, we're here for you." BJ said.

"I know all that. I couldn't justify calling anyone up who'd come home from a war to tell them my bad news." Hawkeye explained.

"Tell me what happend." BJ said gently.

Hawkeye pulled out the letter from his pocket. As BJ began to read Hawkeye's letter to his dad, the memories of that day once again invaded him.

It looked the same. Nothing seemed to have been moved. Hawkeye could smell dinner cooking as he moved further into the house and it smelt delicious. Real food.

Hawkeye made his way into the lounge to finally see his dad again. As he opened the door he saw him there.

He was on the floor. Dead.

BJ passed the letter back to Hawkeye, not any clearer than he was before about what had happened. He knew this was the last letter that Hawkeye had ever written his dad.

"Did you take your time doing everything when you made it home? Looking at everything a little longer than was really needed. I did just that. Coming through the front door and just enjoying the house, the smell. Everything." Hawkeye took a deep breath before continuing. "I...I'd so been looking forward to seeing my dad again, it'd been so long and I had this version of how it would go. It wasn't like this, Beej. I opened the door and found my dad dead on the floor. He...I went to revive him but he was-was so cold that I knew...I was just too late to save him." Hawkeye tried to hold onto the tears that threatened to break his composure but it was a hopeless battle.

BJ wrapped an arm round Hawkeye shoulder and pulled him closer trying to give him all the comfort he could.

Hawkeye continued, managing to hold onto his voice for a little longer. "I can't believe that I can't ever talk to him again. I'll never see him and whenever I close my eyes I see his body on the floor. I can't believe he died waiting for me to make it home."

Fini

Authors note Okay, I was trying to find the perfect way to write the story. It was either make it short, like this, or do a really long reunion story and have this at the end. I didn't want a typical reunion story. I wanted the catch, but if something like this happened in a longer story, I can't imagine that Hawkeye would have been able to keep it in and not tell someone for a long time.

If anyone has any advice about how to make this story better, send it my way as I'm very much prepared to re-write this story for the improvement.