Shinobi News Live at Five
-that music that plays at the beginning of the 5 o'clock news is playing. There's a large blue-grey screen that shows the title 'Shinobi News Live at Five' in cool script. Naruto is sitting at a desk and tapping his foot. Sakura is operating the camera-
Sakura: -offscreen- psst. Naruto. we've started. Naruto? Naruto? NARUTO.
Naruto: WHAT? oh, sorry. Eh hem, Welcome, to Shinbo News, Live at Five. i'm your anchorman, Naruto Uzumaki.
Sakura: dumbass.
Naruto: SHUT UP SAKURA. eh, eh hem, I mean, out top stories today are:
Kunai knives, Are they safe for your children?
Parvo Outbreak in the Inuzuka Compound,
and
the New Konoha Country central Libary.
Sakura: It's Library.
Naruto: That's what I said.
Sakura: NO YOU DIDN'T.
Naruto: whatever.
Sakura:...
Naruto: Let's go to our gossip anchor for the hotest, juciest news. Before we go to the really boring stuff.
Sakura: -sighs-
-Screen shows Ino-
Ino: Thank you Naruto! Anyway, Hi, My name is Ino Yamanaka, and I am the hot gossip news anchor! Much hotter than the fashion anchor.
Sakura: I HEARD THAT, INO PIG!-off camera-
Ino: ANYWAY, There's a rumor going around Konoha city right now, that Tsunade, yes, Lady Tsunade, the fifth hokage, the famous legendary medical master, one of the three senin, the legendary sucker, the
Sakura: GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!
Ino: Anywayyy. There's a rumor giong around that she -pauses for effect-
Shikamarou: -off camera- Just get it over with ino.
Ino: THAT SHE HAS AN OBSESSION WITH GREEN LEMON TEA!
Shikamarou:wtf.
Ino: what? That tea is gross.
Shikamarou:...that's pathetic.
Ino: WHAT? THERE WASN'T ANY GOOD NOT SASUKE-BASED GOSSIP!
Shikamarou: so the Sasuke-based gossip was good?
Ino: yes, but, wait, NO, um, BACK TO YOU NARUTO.
-screen is back on Naruto-
Naruto: I think that we need a new gossip anchor. One that will talk about Sasuke...
Sakura: HEY.
TenTen -off camera- OOOH, ME, ME, PICK ME!!!
Naruto: OKAY, TEN TEN IS THE NEW GOSSIP ANCHOR.
TenTen: HELL YEAH!
Naruto: Now, let's go to Neji for the Fangirl warning Reports.
-The Screen shows the word 'fangirl' in big, bloody red letters, 'warning' in big yellow block letters, and 'report' in smaller white block letters all on a blue liney background. then the screen shows neji.-
Neji: Thank you, Naruto. Well, the fangirls are on a rise, with Rock Lee fangirls at an all time high of 234324323423 members, and Sasuke Fangirls at the freakish tone of 234235245212499999. Somehow, the fangirls are using some bizarre technique to retrieve new members. More news later on how they're doing this. For now, let's look at the fangirls numbers at current time.
-Screen flashes to a plain blue screen with yellow numbers. Neji's voice comes from offscreen while the words appear-
Kiba and Akamarou Fangirls: 23435563,
Naruto Fangirls: 993823534321
Sasuke Fangirls: 234235245212499999
Lee Fangirls: 234324323423
Neji Fangirls 23562340
Gaara Fangirls: 9283945823572348
Shino Fangirls: 23425234523
Kakashi Fangirls:2342643268
Asuma Fangirls: 23563662
Itachi Fangirls: 46234634653652345234523452
Oro-fangirls: 234590
Choji Fangirls: 8.
-screen returns to Neji-
Neji: Woah. Choji actually has fangirls. I think I'll investigate this. There may be only eight of them, but why the heck do they like Choji? No one likes Choji. Not for his looks, not for his personality, not for his skills, nothing. nada. squat. Mabey they're his family members...
Choji: HEY.
Neji: eh hem, More reports later. Back to you, Naruto.
-screen goes to Naruto-
Naruto: AHHHH HOLY CRUD WHERE DID ALL THOSE FANGIRLS COME FROM?
Sakura: Internet pictures..-still off camera-
Naruto:... that's creepy.
Sakura: yep.
Naruto: That's sad though.
Sakura: what?
Naruto: Even the creepy pedofile-snake dude has more fangirls than Choji.
Sakura: no duh.
Naruto:... harsh.
Sakura: GET ON WITH IT.
Naruto:...Anywayz... Let's go to Shino for the weather.
Sakura: Shouldn't you talk about the main stories?
Naruto: Well, there's nothing to them.
Sakura: What?
Naruto: They were all discussed in the paper so I don't have to talk about them.
Sakura: ...
Naruto: once again, to Shino.
-Screen shows a picture of the sky with 'Weather Report' written in pretty writing.-
Shino: I'd like you to change the weather report thing sooner or later... .Anyway, we're going to be having sunny days all this week, so remember to wear sunscreen, and start wearing sunglasses like me. cause I'm cool. and i'm cool because my glasses are cool. and you all want to be cool, so you all want to be like me. so you have to wear sunglasses like me. so, yeah. bye.
-Camera goes back to Naruto-
Naruto:... wtf. um, okayyyyy... What next? No one was really clear on what we were doing...
Sakura: -still off camera- NARUTO, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOST TO STAY THAT!!!!
Naruto: What? but it's true! All anyone told me was 'You're news anchor, quick, sit down and sound offical'.
Sakura: Who told you that?
Naruto: Sai.
Sakura: ...
Naruto: Anywayyy. oh, hey, we have a teleprompter.
Sakura: OMG YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT?
Naruto: NO. I wasn't paying attention. I was looking at the green spot in the center of your forehead.
Sakura: IT WAS INO WITH A MARKER OKAY? I DON'T HAVE A RARE FORM OF GREEN CHICKEN POX.
Naruto: who told you that?
Sakura: Sizune started freaking out.
Naruto: oooooooooooooooh. That explains a lot.
Sakura:...
Naruto: okay, soo. oooh. Let's go to Sakura for the fashion report.
Sakura: AHHH I'M NOT READY!!!
Naruto: WHAT? THEN, UM, RUN!
Sakura: HOLD THEM OFF TILL I'M READY!!!
Naruto: what? What could I do!
Sakura: I DON'T KNOW, SING OR SOMETHING!
Naruto:...sing? ummmmmmm. okayyyyyyyyyyyyy. -takes deep breath-
EVERYBODY HAS A WATER BUFFALO,
MINE IS FAST BUT YOURS IS SLOW,
WHERE WE GET THEM I DON'T KNOW,
BUT EVERYBODY HAS A WATER
BUFFALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
TOOK MY BUFFALO TO THE STORE
HE GOT HIS HEAD STUCK IN THE DOOR,
SPILLED SOME LIMA BEANS
ON THE FLOOR,
OH EVERYBODY HAS A WATER
BUFFALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OH EVERYBODY HAS A BABY KANGAROO,
MINE IS PINK AND YOURS IS BLUE,
Sakura: I'M READY AND WTF ARE YOU SINGING?
Naruto: I dunno. some vegetales song.
Sakura: what's vegetales?
Naruto: I dunno.
-Camera switches off Naruto and goes to Sakura sitting at her own desk with a fashion magazine on display on it and a screen to her right. She fixes her papers and smiles-
Sakura: Hello Konoha. I'm Sakura Haruno, with your fashion. -the screen shows a picture of someone's harm wearing a elbow-length fingerless fishnet glove- Fishnets seem to be in style now, with items ranging from gloves, to leggings to shirts. Although it's always done in moderation. If your going to wear fishnet leggings, don't wear fishnet gloves or a shirt or skirt or something. It'll look so wrong. Also, some people, just don't look good in fish-net. Bring someone along with you when you shop to verify this. Another thing is the different variations of fishnet. There's fishnet with big holes, and fishnet with teeny tiny holes If one doesn't look good on you, then another might. and that's the fashion news for today. Back to you Naruto, and don't sing that song again.
-Camera is back on Naruto, who's sitting at his desk with a cup of ramen while trying to straighten out his papers and eat the ramen at the same time-
Naruto: Fine, Fine, You're the one who told me to waste time though.
Sakura: what -huff- ever. -huff-
Naruto: you okay?
Sakura: you try running around trying to get ready.
Naruto: I do. every day. successfully.
Sakura: whatever.
Naruto: annnnnnnnnyway. That was the news for today. Join us next time when there's some slim chance that we'll actually have our act together.
Sakura: NARUTO STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT WE WEREN'T READY!!!!