Black Eyeliner
She stared down at the eyeliner that was contrasting against the pale skin on her hands and almost laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of her state of being. Before him, she had never felt the sting of loneliness, now it was all she knew...
Black eyeliner. She twiddled the pencil between her fingers, pondering, deciding. These last few weeks had been treacherous, emotionally straining and eventually, they had slowly drained her of all hope and joy. How did she let this happen to her? How could she have prevented these long sleepless nights?
She stared down at the eyeliner that was contrasting against the pale skin on her hands and almost laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of her state of being. This laughter that almost escaped the darkness that had settled in her heart would have been a big deal if anyone else was in the dormitories on a sunny Saturday afternoon. She liked it better that way. She was alone, in more ways than one. Not only did she no longer yearn for the rays of the sun to shine down upon her through the clouds, but she no longer wanted the company of her fellow peers. Why should she feel the warmth of the sun? Why should she be privileged enough to enjoy the laughter of her friends? Why should she have all of these things when he couldn't- No. she stopped herself. She can't let herself go back to that. Not yet.
She was helpless- no. not helpless, she would never be truly helpless. She was stronger than that. Instead she was hopeless. With no real reason as to why she should continue on this way, or any way in fact. She almost laughed again. That sounded suicidal, but actually suicide was the farthest thing from her mind. She knew she couldn't go down that path. She had to go on living, for both of them, no matter how hard it was- he was living through her and only her now. She had to be strong. As she thought of her position again she began to let some of the memories return...
Dancing with him at the Yule Ball, laughing over how ridiculously nervous he had been when he'd asked her to go with him... The gleam in his eyes after they had shared their first kiss that night, knowing that this was only the beginning of a lifetime together... Sitting with him through endless nights in the library, trying to prepare for two daunting tasks in front of him... whispering Champion in his ear and seeing his pride as his face lit up in a boyish smile.
She remembered with vivid clarity the night she had been pulled away from Cedric's arms by Professor Sprout. Confused and anxious about the reasons for being dragged away the very night before the second task, she was taken to Dumbledore's office where she was soon joined by Ron and Hermione, and an equally scared and confused blonde little girl. They were then told the procedure of the day to come, and their own part in the task ahead of their champions. Her initial reaction was of fear, were they really planning to place these four people into the lake tomorrow- Unconscious, and at the mercy of the merepeople? What if something went wrong? What if one of them didn't wake up afterwards┘ or even worse, what if one of them woke up while they were still underwater?? For the first time she questioned Dumbledore's wisdom, and Cedric's capabilities┘ and she hated herself for her doubt. She didn't have anything to be afraid of though, Cedric and Dumbledore proved their competency yet again when she and Cedric surfaced, and she felt her cold, wet self in his strong embrace once again... oh how she longed just to feel his arms around her one more time.
As tears started to cascade down Cho's clean faГade, her thoughts strayed to the fateful night that changed her life forever...
It was a balmy summer evening, all of Hogwarts had gathered in the Quidditch stands, along with Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. Excitement ran through the air like electricity as they waited for the final challenge to begin. This was it; the determining task. After this, the weight would be lifted off his shoulders as they traveled to the celebrations lined up across the grounds. A cheer erupted from the crowds closest to the maze as two figures emerged out of the darkness. She stood up along with everyone else, straining to get a better look at who was standing there, holding the cup triumphantly. Within seconds, the crowd hushed and she squinted through the darkness, trying to get a better look at what was going on. As her eyes focused on the figures, the reality of what she was looking at dawned on her. Instead of a triumphant Cedric, grinning broadly from ear to ear, what she saw was two figures. One was completely still, laying flat on its back while the other, messy haired boy clung and sobbed to the body of her love... In shock she stood there, frozen in place, trying to process what she was seeing while her brain screamed in anguish and denial. No. This cannot be true, this cannot be happening... Cedric can't be...
In an instant she was at his side. To this day she could not remember what she must have done to get there, pushing past the crowds, and screaming at people to get out of her way, but it didn't matter. It didn't change anything. She collapsed at his side as tears escaped her eyes for the first time that night. She couldn't stand seeing him like this, so still and unreal, but at the same time, she couldn't bring her self to leave his side, knowing that it was the last time she would ever be near him... The rest of the night was a blur to her. She remembered sitting in Dumbledore's office with Cedric's father, listening to Dumbledore talk, as he tried to offer them comfort, closure, and explanation. She barely heard a word he said. All she could do was stare blankly in front of her and try to ward off the cold sense of emptiness that threatened to invade her entire being.
Before him, she had never felt the sting of loneliness. Now it was all she knew. She wished someone would cure the pain, but no one could really talk to her about it. They were all crying their own tears for him. There was only one who she thought would really understand; only one person who could answer all her questions and tell her the things she needed to know. Harry seemed so distant from everyone else, just as she was. Maybe she didn't have to be alone in this. Maybe he could help her understand; maybe they could share their pain.