Chapter 1

"Crew records show today is the 30th anniversary of your birth," EDI said from her speakers in Normandy's bridge. Joker looked up from the diagnostics he was running on the ship's trim thrusters. He'd noticed the slightest bit of yaw as they docked in one of the Citadel's private bays, and wanted to be sure that his baby was running flawlessly.

"Ah geez EDI, you just had to remind me, didn't you?" he said as he covered his face with his hand, "don't you have something else to do? Play Legion in Pong, or something?" EDI had recently developed a bit of an addiction to Earth's classic computer games.

"Legion and I are currently engaged in our two thousand, three hundred, and fifty seventh game of Pong of the day," EDI said pointedly. "I have also downloaded C-Sec's classified records since we've last visited the Citadel, in addition to reprogramming our cyberwarfare systems with countermeasures for the latest batarian cruisers which I discovered in STG files." Joker rolled his eyes and turned back to the holographic screens in front of his seat. EDI persisted. If she could smirk, she would be now.

"Humans tradition dictates that well wishes are delivered by friends and relatives, as well as the presentation of gifts and the consummation of sugar coated bread products. I have not observed this behavior in the past 24 standard hours from any crewmember."

She was right, unfortunately. It was two weeks after Shepard had once again thwarted the Reaper's plans. Destroying the Alpha relay bought them perhaps a few more months of time to warn the galaxy of the greatest threat to intelligent life they'd ever encounter. Shepard had come to the Citadel to once more attempt to convince the Council to believe that this threat was real. It was almost pointless, but it was a last ditch attempt to convince the galactic powers of the impending doom before heading to Earth to stand trial.

"Shall I send a reminder to Shepard's terminal?"

"Nahhh, you don't think grunts like Shepard can actually read anything, do you?"

"Commander Shepard is quite literate –,"

"Joking, EDI,"

He couldn't help feeling a little disappointed though. He and Shepard went back years, even before he'd been accepted into the Academy. Shepard had never failed to wish him a happy birthday, except for the years when he was dead. Shepard was the kind of guy who'd never miss big days for his friends. He'd even taken a leave of absence to attend Joker's graduation from flight school. Still, the man had a lot on his plate. If the Reapers had their way, birthdays were kind of a moot point anyway.

Joker reached for his mic controls, and his voice rang from the ship's intercom, "Hey Tali, can you come to the bridge for a sec? I want to talk to you face to face. Or…helmet to face…or whatever…. And bring coffee," he added after a moment.

Moments later she was striding down the corridor, the smell of coolant from the ship's diffuse radiator arrays wafting off her suit. Joker had always really liked Tali, mostly because they both shared a passion. Human pilots were always taught that they were responsible for more than just flying the ship. Ultimately, they were responsible for every system of the ship, from engines, to weapons, to life support. Pilots were expected to understand the ins and outs of each craft they crewed. So, naturally, conversation came easily with the brilliant young Quarian. Tali could pretty much build a ship from the ground up. Together, they formed an unbelievable team, turning what already was the most advanced ship in the galaxy into a machine of unlimited power and unmatched ability.

"Hiya helmet head," said Joker as Tali lowered herself into the gunnery officer's seat in the cockpit. Tali smiled. As much as she hated her suit, she couldn't help but smile at the cocky pilot's puns. She sighed.

"Hi Joker, what can I do for you?" she said, handing him a steaming mug.

"Ah come on, you can't just go right into it! You gotta ease into things. Set the mood first," Joker said, "Remember that next time you're upstairs…"

"Joker!" she said, relieved he couldn't see her face redden.

Joker smirked as he turned back to his display. "When I was pulling into our dock I noticed a little bit of yaw. I ran diagnostics on the trim stabilizers, but it all came back green. Any ideas?"

Tali hadn't felt it. Most likely, nobody on board had. But she knew far better than to discount his claim. Joker could practically fly through the most densely packed asteroid field in the galaxy on feel alone. Once, on the old Normandy only just after she came aboard, Joker had complained that he felt a shudder in his controls as the decelerated below FTL speeds. He put in a maintenance request with Pressly, but the XO, convinced it was the pilot's attempt at some kind of prank, ignored it. He was sure the Alliance wouldn't want to devote maintenance hours to a pilot's "ghost" shudders anyway. The first time Joker ever spoke to Tali was to ask her to investigate the source of that tremor. It was lucky he did. Turned out the actuators that controlled one of the thrust vectoring engine pylons had worn down. Had it gone any farther, the entire engine mount could have jammed, hindering maneuverability and power. In combat, it could have spelled death for the entire crew. She'd found it and fixed it, and immediately jumped into Joker's good books. It didn't hurt that it gave Joker the ability to rub it Pressly's face in it for the next three months.

Her brain sifted through a dozen possible causes. "My guess is that the stabilizers have an electrical problem. Either that or the vectoring nozzles aren't angling the thrust correctly."

"Electrical issues would have shown up on the diagnostics. You might be right about the nozzles though"

"Whatever it is, I'll check it out," Tali said.

"You're the best Tali, honest, if I could actually see your face I'd totally give you a big wet kiss."

"Careful," Tali warned, "EDI might get jealous and quarantine the bridge."

"Wow Tali, that hurt," Joker said, feigning a pained expression and mumbling something about liking a robot, "Your sense of humor may yet have a hope."

Tali rose from the chair and headed back to the elevator. As she left, Joker turned in his chair.

"None of the crew has any big days coming up, do they? Birthdays, drug rehab graduation, headbutting rites, anything?"

"Not that I know of," said Tali, perplexed, "Why?"

"Curious. Making sure I don't have to send Jack a happy sober-for-a-month card"

"The shore party is aboard," announced EDI, "Executive Officer Lawson is relieved."

Alan Shepard strode through the airlock, garbed in his formal attire and with a burly Alliance marine in tow behind him. He'd wanted to put the best foot forward in his final attempt to sway the Council into action. His injuries from his detainment in the Bahak system were still evident. Bruises wringed his wrists from where he'd been restrained and a nasty burn was raw on his neck where a round had impacted the collar of his armor.

"How'd it go, commander?" Joker shouted from his chair where he was watching the latest vid of the hit asari soap opera, Shades of Blue, "Council still have their feet stuck in elcor shit?"

Shepard grimaced, and nodded. "They won't see sense. Even with Anderson there, it was pointle – ,"

"Sorry, Commander," Joker interjected suddenly. He whipped around to face his screen, "I told you she was cheating on you with that krogan, I told you!" he shouted at the display. "Sorry, I'm all ears Commander. Full and undivided attention. Commence complaining,"

Shepard shook his head, smiling. "Just more of the same. I'd hoped to have them see sense before we head back to Earth. Looks like that won't happen."

"Whatever, I'll just come save their ass again when they find themselves up shit-creek without a paddle."

Shepard gave a forced chuckle, "Its gonna happen sooner or later."

"Yeah, well here's hoping they hold off at least until my next episode comes out. Now. Who, may I ask, is the gorilla behind you?"

"This," Shepard smirked, as if amused, "Is Lieutenant James Vega. It would appear that Udina didn't trust me to go back to Earth on my own. It appears I've been arrested, and Lieutenant Vega here is now acting commanding the Normandy, which has been officially commandeered by the Alliance Navy, and all things are now right in the world."

Eyes twinkling, Joker reached for the intercom, and with a beep, his voice flooded through the ship. "Crew of the Normandy, I bring you good news! The days of tyranny and oppression are over! Shepard's reign of terror has ended! No more shall we throw ourselves into the open hands of certain death! Party in the mess hall! Unlimited naps! Movies in the conference room! Every man for himself in the captain's cabin, but I call the space hamster! We are free at last!

Laughs echoed up the CIC as the crew chuckled at the announcement, and Joker released the intercom switch. "Well commander, looks like the right hand of the law has struck you down, my friend." He turned to the Lieutenant, clearly uncomfortable with his new assignment. "Alright, Las Vegas. Or maybe I'll call you Veggies. Give us your orders. If you want to lock the Commander in the Brig, it's down the stairs from the engineering level. Be sure to announce yourself nice and loudly, and turn on all the lights. And under no circumstances be alarmed if you are verbally or physically attacked by skinny, bald, half-naked women."

Vega opened and closed his mouth several times, and glanced nervously at Shepard, who only smiled back. "Er…right. You must be Joker. I won't presume to put Commander Shepard in the brig. But I do have orders from both Admiral Anderson and Councilor Udina to make sure this ship gets to Earth within three days, and I'd certainly rather avoid getting into any messes along the way. So Lieutenant Moreau, if you please, begin departure procedures and chart a course for Earth. I'd like the crew to assemble to be inspected and briefed…and…well that's it," he ended lamely.

Joker smiled at Vega for several long seconds as the Marine, awkwardly stood in the hallway, his imposing mass doing little to add weight to his words. Nobody moved.

"Well that was just lovely Veggies. An excellent plan of action. We'll get right on that. Commander, anything to add?"

Shepard smiled at Joker, "Nope, I'd do as the Lieutenant said. Call for a general assembly in the hangar bay. We'll want the crew to meet their new commander."

Vega headed for the elevator, but Shepard hung back and said softly to Joker, "Cut him some slack…he's just doing his job."

"I'll consider it," Joker replied, smirking, "But don't expect me to get all buddy-buddy with him. I think a handshake from him would probably disintegrate the bones in my hand, anyway."

Shepard reached over and flicked the controls for the cargo bay door. It had been quite some time since they'd reached a port with the logistic capabilities of the Citadel. Mordin alone had filed over 150 requisition orders for lab materials in the time they'd been away from civilized space. There was a hiss as the pressure equalized, and the telltale rumble of the massive door opening to permit two supply massive barges laden with hundreds of pounds of food, water, medical supplies, spare parts, science equipment, and personal effects bought by the crew, who'd been given their first shore leave in over six months.

It was a sticky situation, having openly told the Illusive Man to shove it while still aboard a ship with a crew that proudly wore the Cerberus logo on their shoulders. And now with the ship transferring to Alliance hands, many of the Cerberus crew would now be tried in Alliance court. Joker had his own concerns about the possible repercussions of joining Cerberus. He'd taken his honorable discharge as soon as he could after being grounded, and immediately been picked up by a Cerberus recruiter. But while joining up with a terrorist organization and turning himself in could have some serious implications, he wasn't about to jump ship and bail on Shepard. Even more importantly, he wasn't going to give his pilot's seat to anyone else while he still had the ability to fly. This was his ship.

The crew assembled in the cargo bay thirty minutes later, amongst crates and crates of fresh supplies. Joker sat off to the side of the group off to the side to be able to observe the crew as Shepard addressed them and said his goodbyes.

"Listen up," he said, his presence drawing all eyes to him, "as you all know, this ship – this crew, no longer answers to Cerberus. We come here not solely for the advancement of humankind, but for all life in the galaxy. We have gone through hell, and come back victorious. The strength of our team, our heart, our talent, and our determination to never back down allowed us to accomplish the impossible. I couldn't be more proud of you, and couldn't be more honored to call you my friends."

But now, it's time for some of us to part ways. I have been called upon to answer for my actions in the Bahak system, and this ship is being commandeered by the Alliance. But I don't see any reason for you to come back and face the accusations of the people you have saved. If you face charges from the Alliance for joining Cerberus, I encourage you to leave us while we here on the Citadel. If you do not, and wish to rejoin the Alliance or disembark at Earth, you may continue on with us. Those who depart here will be given enough credits to stay here until you can arrange transportation or find work elsewhere. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for what you've done for humanity, what you've done for each other, and what you've done for me"

Joker sat at the bridge, computing relay jump vectors as one by one crewmembers departed through the Normandy's airlock.

"Jeff, would you come down to the med bay? I'd like to try a couple of new physical therapy techniques that I've recently learned about," Doctor Chakwas' classy English accent came over the comm.

"Yes, mom, be right down."

It was rare that Joker left his precious chair. Sergeant Gardner had sent most of his meals to the cockpit, and half the time he even slept there, extending the back of his chair and using EDI as his alarm clock. But Chakwas was the surrogate mom on the Normandy, and had been helping him with his condition since before his assignment on the original Normandy, back when he was serving on the Leyte Gulf, a frigate from the Third Fleet. Ever since they met, she'd taken him under her medical wing. Although she had a vested interest in his condition, she'd become more to him than just his doctor and physical therapist, and he'd grown to be much more than a patient. As their friendship grew, they came to rely on each other for a sense of continuity, as life aboard a naval vessel inherently involved change. She was one of the few people who Joker's sarcastic tongue rarely touched, and apart from Shepard, was Joker's longest friend. Nevertheless, she always had a bit of a mother's attitude toward her young patient, and although he hated leaving his chair, he didn't dare ignore her summons.

Joker made his way through the CIC to the elevator. Recent medical advancements and several surgeries had made it easier for him to get around on his own. He could even almost stand upright, and he no longer feared that he'd break a bone if he fell. He remembered all too well having to use crutches and wheelchairs. He didn't miss those days.

As he traversed the decks of his ship, the eerily empty rooms unnerved him. The research lab was neat and tidy but contained no Mordin, who had departed to meet up with an STG unit currently on board the Citadel. Jacob and Miranda had also parted, as turning themselves over to the Alliance meant serious charges being brought against them. Grunt had caught a flight to Tuchanka with some Urdnot clan Krogan who were answering Wrex's call to return home. After a very solemn (and to Joker's mind, overly wordy) proclamation with lots of biotic flaring, Samara ended her vow to Shepard and departed the ship. Jack left the ship quickly after giving Shepard a friendly punch in the shoulder and "see ya around, fucker," while Kasumi and Zaeed left together with the apparent intent to see if they could gain access to the Spectre offices to pilfer some weapons and, so they claimed, add their names to the Spectre list. And Thane, well, nobody saw Thane after they had left the hangar, and his room had been devoid of any trace that someone had lived there for over a year with the exception of a brief thank-you note addressed to Shepard. Joker asked EDI if she saw him slip out on her surveillance cameras, but she reported that he was not observed leaving the ship. Joker felt slightly violated that a person could come and go on his ship as they pleased, but Thane seemed like a decent fellow, for a master assassin. In the end, the ship was gloomy, quiet, and cold, and his footsteps echoed on the brushed metal floors as he made his way through his ship.

The door opened to the crew's deck and he ambled out of the elevator and headed for the medical bay, ignoring the surprised eyes of remaining crewmembers who rarely saw him anywhere other than the bridge. The door opened and he almost toppled over in shock.

"Surprise!" chorused his closest friends. Shepard, Chakwas, Tali, and Garrus stood in the medical wing with smiles on their faces, and a small chocolate cake sat on Chakwas' desk. He stood there stunned for only a split second before his wits came back to him.

"Be warned. If you guys sing to me, I'll be forced to join in. And trust me, you don't want that," he said, smiling as he scooped some frosting onto his finger. "Did Gardner make this? Because it seems far too…what's the word…good?"

"Nope, picked it up on my way back from the Tower," Shepard said, handing him a fork. "Don't get used to it, we all might not be around long enough to have another one."

"Don't I know it," Joker replied, "but trust me, I have every intention of you getting me another one of these this time next year."

He was surprised but pleased that his alien friends hadn't departed yet, and even more happy that they had stuck around to celebrate his birthday. Garrus pointed out that the Alliance had little disciplinary authority when it came to other races, and when they reached Earth they would most likely simply get interrogated and then released or shipped back to their homeworlds. They were determined to stand by Shepard for as long as they could until he faced his Alliance tribunal, and if possible, testify on his behalf.

After the cake, Shepard produced some beers (including, to their delight, a few dextro-amino acid brews for Garrus and Tali) and they drank them down. Dr. Chakwas poured herself a glass of brandy and she sipped its contents as they chatted and relaxed. For a time, they were able to forget the impending trials.

Outside the medical bay, the ship became quiet and still as the crew left. Many came by the med bay to wish Joker a happy birthday and say their goodbyes. As the last of the crew left, Vega remained in the mess hall, anxiously pacing around the empty hallways and clearly eager to get underway.

"I guess I gotta head upstairs," Joker said, "Thanks, guys. Let's do this again, if we're all still here in a year."

Tali and Garrus headed back to their stations, again wishing Joker a happy birthday as they left. Joker turned to head to the elevator.

"Hold on a second, Joker," said Shepard, "I have something for you." He rummaged in the pockets of his uniform, and pulled out a small picture in a light wooden frame. "I know your copy was lost when the original Normandy went down. I got Liara to do some digging and she found the original in the old Academy archives. Joker grasped it and turned it over. Two young soldiers smiled up at him from the photo, their Alliance dress blues newly adorned with officer's insignia.

"Good times, huh? We headed off to specialty training a couple days later. God I got so drunk that night," Joker said, memories of their graduation flashing in his mind's eye.

"Yeah. I don't remember anything from about midnight on…. Anyways, I wanted you to have that. Happy Birthday my friend, and I'll do my best to not be dead for the next ones," Shepard smiled.

"I'm going to hold you to that," Joker said, uncommonly sincere, "there's something that's pretty cool about flying your buddy's spaceship."

Although the prospect of returning to Earth held uncertain consequences, spirits were high as the Joker maneuvered the ship out of its berth, and gunned the throttle, hurtling the ship past the massive wards of the Citadel and into the pinkish blue clouds of the Serpent Nebula. The quiet hum of the Tantalus drive was a symphony to his ears. The Normandy became an extension of his body. He was conscious of every movement, the smallest directional corrections as evident to him as the brilliant clouds of gas and dust past which they soared. Switching to manual control, the joystick rose from the right armrest of his chair, while the controls for the four antiproton engines were exposed on his left. He placed his hands on them, feeling the cold black rubber and plastic. His fingers curved perfectly around the stick, falling into their familiar contour. Again he firewalled the throttle and pulled the joystick back, easing his ship into several wide barrel roles. The instruments on his screens danced and flickered as he twisted around again and again, as the brilliant clouds of the nebula spun in the windows. He reveled in the familiar, gentle tug of the inertial change at his insides. He pointed the ship's nose at the Serpent Relay gleaming in the distance.

"The board is green, brace for acceleration," He said into his mic, "Relay jump in T-minus five…four…three…two…one…"

The relay flashed blue-white as it fired, and he was squashed into his seat as the ship entered the wormhole.