Cleaning out my Closet
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or have any affiliation with anyone who does I'm just borrowing the characters. I promise to wash them before I return them.
Spoilers: Strip Strangler, Season1 and some references to Season 2, 3 and 4.
Author's note: Okay this is something that sprang into my head while I was re-watching 'Strip Strangler'. It is going to at least contain references or ideas of femslash so if you don't like it don't read it, but please feel free to read any of my other stories. As always reviews are always welcome but don't flame as it's just simply sad. This story is dedicated to my mate Lor and also many thanks to my friend Sas for the loan of the nickname.
Grissom, Catherine, Warrick and Nick are all sitting around me in Cath's sitting room chatting and drinking wine. "Okay guys, next topic will be funniest event at a crime scene!" Catherine tried to encourage conversation between her subdued friends, who were all tired from several tough cases.
"Catherine! I hardly think that's appropriate!"
"Grissom, chill out! We're just trying to relax and for saying that you can go first."
"Cath," Grissom's voice sounded desperate and whiny.
"No! Now get on with it!" A massive grin spreading over her face.
"Well, I guess the best time I've had at a crime scene is a couple of years back when we had to smash through all those walls to find that lady's body!" Grissom flashes a small smile at the memory, and I hid my face behind my hair to hide the fact that I was blushing, but I needn't have bothered as Warrick distracted my friends by saying, "I didn't even know that and I was there! You really can hide your emotions well, you must have kicked ass at poker!" My friends laughed at this and I started to relax, well as relaxed as I ever get.
"Ooh! Me next! I've got one!" Warrick chuckled at Nick's enthusiasm.
"Go on then, before you wet yourself."
Nick threw a cushion at Warrick's head then started his story, "I never told you guys about this one because it was such an intense case, and we were all distracted enough. Do you guys remember that case that got nicknamed 'the strip strangler'?"
We all made various noises to show that we did and he continued, "Well, Grissom had sent me back to the crime scene on my own with the words 'be careful, the cliché is true serials return to the scene,' running through my head. When I got there, I worked for a while then I heard something from the closet, I went towards it slowly with my flashlight out and my hand hovering over my gun. Just as I was about to open the door this women appeared, who turned out to be a reporter, and I stood there yelling at her, "Get out of there! Get out of the closet!" I was so scared then but soon after I realised it was just plain funny!"
I sat there, Nick's words bouncing viciously round inside my skull. 'Get out of there. Get out of the closet. Get out of the closet. Get out of the closet.' I shut my eyes trying to stop his voice taunting me like that. "Sara? Are you okay?" Warrick's concerned voice broke me from my stupor, though it didn't stop the voice, I realised how strange I must look, but I felt like they wanted an answer to a different question.
"I'm going to get another drink." I mumbled and tried to flee the room, but as it often had done in the past, Grissom's voice stopped me in my tracks.
"Um Sara? Don't you think, um, that you've had enough?" Grissom looked uncomfortable and I realised he was trying to keep another of my secrets from my friends. I felt like crying, because I was such a fraud, hiding everything from the people I called my friends. I had to get out of there or they were gonna see the tears brimming in my eyes.
"Fine, whatever. I'll just have water." I practically ran from the room. As I left, I heard three angry voices turn to Grissom and yell at him, I wasn't really listening but the voice that stuck with me was Catherine's. All I heard was the word, "Explain!" yelled with a lot of force.
I lent against the kitchen counter and I felt the scorching trail of tears streaming across the well-known paths. By now, I would have thought I'd have run out of tears despite the fact that I knew that that was scientifically impossible. I let the weight of this unbearable problem pull me to the ground. I sat there not thinking anything for the only time in my life my mind was completely blank. It scared me. It felt like if I wasn't thinking anything then I didn't exist. You will have heard the expression 'I dream therefore I am.' the way I saw it dreams were the same as thoughts. I sat there in the silence of my own mind, I should've been thinking of a plan, I should've been thinking of yet another lie, I should've been preparing.
"Sara? Are you okay, hun?" Warrick's concerned voice breaking through the screeching silence in my mind.
"Um… Yeah I'm okay." I didn't expect him to believe me, I mean what was I supposed to say? 'Oh no actually I'm awful because I've been lying to my friends for so long!' somehow I didn't think that was gonna happen.
"Sara, I know that you and Grissom, even at the worst of times, have that one thing in common that you're both great at. Hiding your emotions! So this… thing, whatever it is must be pretty big for me to even get a hint of you being upset."
"You're not wrong there."
"So… It won't make it better hiding it."
"I know. The problem is when you've been lying for so long, you almost believe it's true yourself."
"Yeah, I hear that." Warrick looked like he was going to try to convince me more but he was disturbed by a knock at the door.
"I've got it!" Warrick shouted, I was worried that my sigh of relief was actually audible.
"Hey, Greg! Come on in. You just go straight into the lounge, the rest of us are in there."
"So why aren't you?" I could see this already going a way I didn't want it to, simply because Greg was as curious as a toddler.
"Oh. Don't worry, Sara's just feeling a little out of it."
Greg rushed towards me and scooped me up, which was quite an achievement considering that we're about the same size, and spun me round in his arms and tried to make me laugh by saying, "Awwww! Poor Sassywassy!" I was very close to laughing and he knew it even Warrick was grinning. Then Greg tried to actually make me laugh aloud by tickling me under my chin, but he couldn't quite keep hold of my weight (mostly because he was still spinning) and we crashed to the floor with a loud thump mixed with a rather unnerving smashing sound.
"Greg!" Grissom's yell almost deafened me. Unfortunately, for me that was when I started laughing, which I assumed would earn me a yell from Grissom too but to my utmost surprise he rushed to my side and touched my arm, as this was so unexpected I jumped a mile. "Sorry, but you're bleeding." I looked at Grissom with disbelief on my face, if I bleeding I would know about it. Then I looked down at my arm and saw that my sleeve was torn.
"Damn it! This is my favourite shirt!" I started giggling again, because everything seemed so strange, or maybe that was the wine.
"Sara, I think we should take you to hospital." Nick's worried expression brought me back into myself.
I stood up, shook myself off (physically and mentally), I checked out my arm, it was just a scratch. I looked at all my close friends, no, my family, they all looked so worried and confused and just plain scared. "Guys, don't worry I'm fine! I promise, but since Greg did this, he can patch me up and clean up. Sorry we broke your wine glass Cath."
"Don't worry about it." I saw a small smile emerge she knew I was going to be just fine, she knew that I had a plan and she was right.
The rest of the team filed out of Catherine's kitchen without much incident, apart from Nick smacking Greg across the back of the head. I sat there on the bench quietly as Greg swabbed my cut with antiseptic and wrapped a bandage round and round my arm. As he was sweeping the shards of glass from the floor I asked, "Can you keep a secret?"
Greg looked up at me suspiciously and then grinned, "Anything for my number one girl!"
"Shut the door. Okay, I swear down if you laugh at this I'll kick your ass! Okay… Right…" I had to do it. I had to do it right then. I thought I was going to faint. "Greg. I'm a lesbian."
Greg looked at me; I could see in his eyes that he was suppressing thousands of jokey comments. Then he walked over and hugged me, "I understand how hard that was for you. Thank you." I leant into his warmth and I felt so safe and protected. "Come on we should go join the others. Is your arm okay?"
"Yeah. It's fine, thank you."
"What for making you bleed?" Then I just hugged him even tighter, and then I walked into the lounge feeling like me again. Sure there would be a time when I would tell the others but that could wait for now everything was just right.