Disclaimer, I own none of this, Eoin Colfer, Cornelia Funke, and Andrew Lloyd Webber do. It was a dark , stormy night. Artemis Fowl was reading his favorite copy of Inkheart, the new version, the one his mother gave him. Of course, his mother didn't realize that he was tired of the childish books. Yet this one was quite interesting. This was the 3rd time he'd read it and out of curiosity, he was going to try to read out loud Artemis: "And that's when she saw him. He was standing there in the rain, arms crossed over his chest, as if that would warm him a little." -and that's when there was a loud BOOM and Dustfinger fell from the ceiling.- Dustfinger: OH MY GOD!! WHERE AM I?? Artemis: -blink- UUUHHHHH……. BUTLER!! -Butler comes running in- Butler: Yes, sir?... Oh my God…. He must die….WAIT!! Who wrote this script? –Sigh- Fine. –Looks off his script- UUUHH… Who are you?? Oh my God, whoever wrote this is like, a monkey who broke his glasses because he left them at home and they got run over by a hippopotamus that was driving a shark car. Artemis: um, okay. Dustfinger: I SHALL BURN YOU ALL TO PIECES!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! -Arty, But-but, and Dusty both heard the sounds of two giggling girls in the background.- Artemis: That very sound strikes fear deep inside my heart…. -two preteens named Crystal and Sophie came out of the shadows. They both giggled again and tried to explain in the best way that they could.- Crystal: We snuck in here on a dare, but I didn't know the great Artemis Fowl was going to be afraid of a couple of laughing girls. Sophie: YEAH, WHAT SHE SAID, BITCHES!! Crystal: Sophie, shut up and don't swear or I'll tell on you . Sophie: -cries- Dustfinger: YOU!! Crystal: Aww, he remembers us, how nice. Butler: You KNOW these two? Dustfinger: Yes, Sophie tortured me, Crystal stole the Hulk's pudding and blamed it on ME, and then got punched by him and got a swirly from Sophie. Sophie and Crystal: -INNOCENT smiles- -Erik from Phantom of the Opera pops out of nowhere. Erik: I SHALL PUNJAB YOU, RAOUL!! THE GRASSHOPPER JUMPS JOLLY HIGH!! JJJOOOLLLYYY HHHIIIGGGHHH!! UHHH… Sophie: OH MY GOD!! IT"S ERIK!! I LLLUUURRRVVVEEE YOU!! –attacks Erik.- But-but: simply picks up Erik (me: sob) and throws him out the window. Artemis: -glares at Crystal- Crystal: -glares back twice as hard than Artemis ever thought possible- what are YOU glaring at? Artemis: -whimper- Crystal: Oh my God, why are you whimpering, am I really THAT scary? Artemis: BUTLER!! MY INTELLECT IS TOO HIGH FOR THIS CRAP!! Crystal: Oh you think you're so smart? All you do is math problems and play on the computer all day. I can do that, too. Artemis: You're a fine one to talk, Miss Oh-I'm-so-smart-I-paint-my-nails-5 times a day. Dustfinger: Stop fighting, you two because Butler left to get bread and milk for some stupid reason and he told me to babysit you two and I don't want Artemis ripping you apart because we all know that guys are stronger than girls. Crystal and Sophie: -rolling on the floor laughing- Dustfinger: What? Crystal: Okay, I'm sorry, Dustfinger, but if wasn't for your fire you would be defenseless and Artemis, you can't even beat up Sophie. Sophie: YEAH!! Wait, what?
Crystal: I could definitely beat you up Artemis, you're wimpy, sorry, but it's true. Artemis: I would very much like to fight you. Crystal: -eye twitch- Bring it, burrito boy. Artemis: OK. Crystal: -punches Artemis square in the face.- Artemis: -is knocked on his butt and holds his hand to his nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding