PANCHITO: SEASON ONE

DISCLAIMER (A SHORT LETTER TO THE READER, PLEASE READ):

This is a TV show idea.

Please remember that this is HUMOR and PARODY and NOTHING SHOULD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

THEME SONG: "Best Friend" by Foster the People

"The 157 Pieces of Pottery Story"

Chapter One: Sorry I Burned Down Your House But Mickey is an Arsonist

The hallway at the Disney Studios was packed.

From one end to the other, cartoon characters, all the way from Mickey Mouse to Horace Horsecollar and back were lined up outside the CEO's door.

Everyone wanted the same thing: a yearly bonus and a raise. They weren't asking for much, except for one of them.

Panchito Pistoles, the Mexican rooster who only appeared in one feature film, who had a pretty stable life in Mexico until he was found in a meager talent scout search in an El Paso Fair in Texas, who carried two pistols, wore a large hat, and sang in his prime was now in charge of the most ironic but suitable job the studio could give him. Firework Technician. Standing there in the back of the massive line smiling, looking like he just walked off the only movie set he'd ever been in with himself as a leading role, Panchito was hoping for more than a raise and an extra week off, he was hoping for a promotion. He watched as Donald, his amigo, walked in with a pep in his step, and a grin on his face. The duck looked back and waved, Panchito waved back and when Donald shut the door behind him the rooster laughed to himself.

"I hope he gets something good," he said, "he deserves it."

"Yeah me too" it was Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, a slowly rising but fallen star, "do you know what it's like, living in your brother's shadow for eighty-four years?"

"No idea." Panchito said.

"It's sickening," Oswald replied, looking back at the rooster "I sure wish Dad were here."

Oswald sighed and looked down at the floor, "He always made me feel better."

Oswald began to cry. Even though Walt has been dead for over forty years, Oswald took it hard, for he was the only person that still saw him as something special, took notice, did everything to make him comfortable in this new lifestyle of being a model. Panchito nodded, understanding how he felt, he wasn't as attached to Uncle Walt, but he sure felt underappreciated.

"There, there mi amigo." Panchito said, kneeling and giving Oswald a brotherly hug and a shoulder to cry on, "It's all going to be alright you'll see."

Oswald nodded, not realizing that he got the rooster's shirt wet with salty tears. "I don't want to go back in the vault."

Panchito stood up, picked up the sad rabbit and put him on his shoulder giving him a piggy back ride.

"It's dark and scary in there." Oswald continued, "are you afraid that you'll end up there Panchito?"

Panchito smiled, and laughed to himself a bit, "Me, no?" He said his winning confidence showing, "There's nothing to be afraid of Señor Oswald it's just a vault." He picked up Oswald again and sat him down on the floor. "Besides," Panchito said continuing, "if they try to do anything, just come to me alright, I'll rough 'em up a bit eh?" He playfully punched Oswald in the arm, and they both laughed.

"Thanks for that." Oswald said turning around, as the line moved along. "Eres bienvenido, amigo, no trouble at all."

It was Oswald's turn to go in, he turned back to Panchito who was behind him, urging him to open the door.

"Come on Señor Oswald," Panchito said, trying to encourage his friend, "what's the worst thing that could happen?"

Oswald shuffled his feet around, and noticed that his palms were getting sweaty, "I can't. I'm just too afraid."

Panchito gave a fatherly smile as he stepped in front of the door, "I'll go in with you if it'll make you feel better alright?" The rabbit nodded and they entered the room.

The CEO's office was dark, gray, and rather businessman like. Panchito and Oswald walked toward the large black desk which had a large black chair behind it, and on the desk was an iPod, that was appropriately playing the theme to The Godfather. The CEO, Jesse Summers, who was cheerful and optimistic was swaying back and forth to the sweet violins and was imagining himself in Tuscany, Italy.

"So," Mr. Summers said with a cheerful voice, "you want to receive your bonuses?"

Oswald nodded, "Yes sir," he said, "I was also wondering if you could move me out of the vault?"

Jesse turned around, the light from the window shade recreated the iconic scene. "Of course!" He said, turning on the lights, "I'll have your things escorted out right away."

Oswald smiled, Panchito looked down at him and winked, "Muy bien, amigo."

Oswald nodded and replied with, ""Gracías, Panchito" and left.

Panchito stood there patiently waiting for Mr. Summers to hang up the phone with the secretary before he spoke:

"Oye Señor Summers, " he said, taking a seat in the soft cushiony chair, "I was wondering if I could-"

Mr. Summers cut him off, "Mr. Pistoles," he said, clasping his hands and looking at the rooster as if he were prey, "where are the fireworks?"

Panchito watched as Jesse tapped his fingers on the desk, patiently waiting for an answer, "¿Por que?" He said twiddling his thumbs becoming nervous and sweaty, "Because," Mr. Summers said, "we need them for tonight's shows and I noticed that there seems to be a shortage."

"A shortage?" Panchito asked, "I'm still not following you señor."

"Oh don't worry," Mr. Summers said, "you will, where are the fireworks?" He asked, getting a bit more heated as the conversation went on.

"Um...they..." Panchito said under his breath, trying to find the words, "They shot off."

"Shot off?" Mr. Summers asked, concerned.

"Si," Panchito nodded his head, twiddling his thumbs again, "they sort of had an... accident."

"Where?"

Panchito laughed nervously, "Su casa."

Mr. Summers rolled his eyes annoyed by the Spanish, "English please Mr. Pistoles."

Pistoles nodded, "Your house."

Mr. Summers smiled, trying not to explode and ring the rooster's neck, "What happened to my house Panchito?" He said, eyes twitching a bit.

"What do you mean what happened?" Panchito said, standing up and leaning on the desk. "I got the fireworks, aimed them at your house, and fired them causing your house to catch on fire, what's not to get?"

Panchito watched as Jesse Summers's face turned from a slight red, to an erupting Mt. Vesuvius.

"Something wrong?" Panchito asked, slowly backing away from the desk and toward the door.

"You," Jesse said grabbing a signed bat from the New York Yankees Babe Ruth team that hug proudly on the wall. "I'm going to ship you to Colonel Sanders and him make a nice big bucket of grilled chicken!" He lunged toward Panchito with the bat, swinging with all he had.

"Really?" Panchito said, dodging the CEO with ease who fell on the floor and smiled. "If you're going to kill me," Panchito said heading toward the door, "I want to be fried, I'm not going to go into your stomach as some grilled chicken, I am a man."

Jesse turned towards him, "Fried chicken gives me stomach problems."

Panchito smiled, "Do you want to know why I burned down your house amigo?" he said, walking over, kneeling over and getting into Jesse's face, "You forgot about my birthday again." He said partly lying to his face.

In truth, Jesse did forget about Panchito's birthday, which was today, but that wasn't the reason Panchito burned down Jesse's house. Mickey was involved in all this.

Mickey, being a psychotic loony bin, prompted Panchito up to burning down the CEO's house so that way he can build up an gigantic mansion of his own and fire him.

Normally, Panchito was a good guy, with a good heart, etc. etc. but this time ironically enough, Mickey had a gun pointed to Panchito's head.

"If you don't do it," Mickey said to him, "I'll kill you, your friends, and your entire family."

So, not wanting anyone to get hurt or die, Panchito agreed to the deal, only if he was in the clear once the smoke cleared.

"Oh don't worry," Mickey said, "you'll be safe." He handed him a piece of paper, Panchito put it in his pocket and walked away.

So when Jesse was pacing and cursing and carrying on like an idiot, Panchito started to feel somewhat guilty and thought about caving in.

"Señor" he said.

Jesse wasn't paying attention, too busy running a rut in the floor. Knowing that he wasn't going to listen, Panchito pulled out his left pistol and shot it in the air. "Señor!" He yelled over the bullet as he sheathed his weapon.

"What is it?" Jesse asked, catching his breath.

"I have to tell you something," Panchito said, with regretful eyes, "you may want to sit down for this."

Jesse nodded and sat back down in his chair. "What is it you need to tell me?"

Panchito smiled a bit, "I slept with you wife jefe."

This was true.

"Come again?" Jesse said, trying to take in the news.

"I slept with you wife." Panchito repeated.

Jesse nodded, "That's what I thought you said,"

He took off his glasses, placing his hands on the desk.

"Where?" Jesse asked.

Panchito looked at the floor and then at the desk, "In your office."

"Mr. Pistoles," Jesse said, with a completely calm and tranquil face, "you've done some crazy things at this studio. You destroyed rides, made children cry over being racists, made parents cry over being racists, made me cry over being racist, hell, you even made your own mother cry."

Panchito nodded, recalling the day when he called everyone a racist toward Mexicans.

Jesse continued, "You shot the night guards."

Panchito smiled a bit, "In my defense I thought they were burglars."

Jesse sighed, "They had jackets with the word 'Security' written on the back."

Panchito sat down in the chair again, "They could've stolen it."

Jesse shook his head, "They had the right credentials, look, the point is, you screw up, a lot."

Panchito rolled his eyes, "That's an understatement."

"But never have you slept with my wife in the office. Ever." Jesse said, looking serious as ever, "So I got to ask you one thing," he said, getting up looking like he was about to strangle the life out of the rooster, "what'd she say?"

Panchito exhaled a bit, "Called it the best night of her life."

Jesse nodded, "Really, how'd you do it?"

Panchito smiled. "Well jefe it went kind of like this..."

When he was finished, Panchito walked toward the door, laughing and smiling:

"Okay, glad we had this talk."

Jesse nodded, taking his notes that he had written down during the conversation and put them in a drawer. "Me too Pistoles," he said, watching as the rooster walked out of the door, "you're fired."

Panchito stopped and turned back, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you, what did you say?"

"You're fired." Jesse repeated.

Panchito nodded, ""Sí, señor. Adiós jefe." He said, waving and walking out.

"Adios." Jesse said, looking at the floor seeing the paper that fell out of Panchito's pocket.

Standing up from the desk, Jesse walked over to the paper, picked it up, and looked at it. On the paper were Mickey's plan for the property Bob's house once stood on. A gigantic house. At the bottom was a small checklist that looked like it was erased in a hurry but still visible:

Step 1: Get someone to burn down house.

Step 2: Kill CEO.

Step 3: Take over the world.

Mickey's signature was at the bottom.

Outside the office, the line had dissipated into a crowd of mingling and conversation.

At the water fountain, Mickey was talking to Minnie about their future plans in their future house.

"Oh Mickey," she said hugging him, "that sounds wonderful!" She kissed him, "I'll see you at dinner okay?"

Mickey nodded, "You bet Minnie."

He hugged her back. Looking over her shoulder, Mickey saw Panchito, walking toward him looking as happy as ever.

"So," Mickey said, letting Minnie go and waving goodbye, "did it work?"

Panchito nodded, "Like a charm, I still don't understand why you need a bigger house though."

Mickey sighed and looked toward Minnie, "All for the senoritas señor, all for the senoritas."

Panchito smiled, "So let me get this straight, you used me to commit arson all because of a girl that you've been going out with for eighty-four years?"

Mickey smiled, "Love does crazy things to you?"

Panchito nodded, "Like arson?"

The door opened, and Jesse Summers stood, eyes wanting to find the person responsible for his house.

He looked at Mickey and smiled, "Mr. Pistoles, can I borrow a gun?"

Panchito nodded and handed him his left pistol.

"Gracias." Jesse said.

"De nada, eh," Panchito said, noticing that he was pointing the weapon at Mickey, "what are you doing with it anyway?"

"Oh nothing," Jesse said.

Mickey, who was drinking water from the fountain, wasn't paying attention.

"Say good night you arsonist bastard." Jesse said and shot Mickey in the torso and head.

Everyone stopped talking and moving and looked over. The blood was everywhere, and Minnie was crying. Jesse walked over to her:

"He was a fascist, racist, arsonist and tyrant sweetheart. Eighty four years of robbing people blind."

Minnie sobbed, "He was going to propose!"

Jesse sighed and looked at Panchito who shrugged his shoulders looking as if he had nothing to do with it.

"Want my advice?" Panchito said to Minnie, "Take the parrot." He said, pointing to Jose who was looking out the window.

Jose turned towards her.

"How are you in bed?" Minnie asked.

Jose beamed up and smiled, "As the Americans say in their songs, I'm sexy and I know it."He said as a big cloud of Brazilian cigar smoke filled the room.

"So," Panchito said, as Jesse handed him back his gun, "are you going to hire me back now?"

Jesse pulled out a pink slip from his pocket, "No Pistoles, you're still fired."

Panchito nodded, and with a smile said, "Sorry I burned down your house."

Walking down the hallway toward the front door, Panchito held his head high, put his thumbs in his pockets and whistled. Oswald looked over and noticed that he was walking toward the exit.

"Hey," Oswald said worried about his friend, "what's going on, where are you going?"

Oswald looked at the rooster with eyes of hope and concern. Panchito turned and smiled, grateful to see that someone was listening to him:

"I'm going on permanent hiatus Oswald" Panchito said, feeling sorry for the rabbit he knew needed a friend.

"Can I go with you?" Oswald asked, innocently and wanting some company.

"No I'm afraid not."

"Well, will I ever see you again?" Oswald asked.

"No sé," Panchito shrugged his shoulders, "we'll see amigo. I may never walk this hallway again."

Oswald nodded and looked back at the others, who were talking and all appeared to have a life other than greeting guests and working at the parks. Oswald extended his hand for a handshake, but Panchito kneeled and hugged him instead.

"I'm going to miss you, you know." Oswald said.

Panchito nodded, "Me too." He stood up, trying not to cry.

Panchito smiled, put on a face and sighed, looking around the hallway and at his friends one last time, "Well, Adiós amigos." and walked out.

Note: Currently fixing formmating mistakes in other chapters. I am aware of this and the fact that some Spanish is inccorrect. Unfortunately due to a busy schedule, I do not have time to go through and correct this. Apologizes for this.