Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I rent it...

Summary: Finding the right moment to ask seemed easier said than done. Crellie fluff/angst.

A/N: I just wanted to write some fluff for once. Has nothing to do with what I'm currently writing, just fluff for fluff's sake. Enjoy!

The First Time:

The laughter bounced off the beer-stained walls, bending through the hallways and sliding underneath the doors, penetrating the haze that settled over the house as party-goers frequently trampled over one another to get to the cleverly placed kegs around the common area. It was the annual Kauai Luau Now! Mixer, a cornucopia of every college stereotype, headed by some random frat, attendees only caring about the unlimited liquor at their disposal.

Craig pulled Ellie into the front door, grabbing a lei from off the wall. "You're gonna need this." He could feel the cold glare radiating from Ellie, holding the laughter back. "It looks really nice with your coconuts." He placed it strategically between the coconut bra she wore over here black tank, looking supremely out of place. "Lovely."

Staring back at his matching bra, she grumbled. "Remind me never to make a bet with you again, Manning." She yanked away from him, snatching up the closest cup to her hand.

Craig chased her close behind, tickling her ribs. "You like it. Admit it."

She snorted, pulling away again. "I will never admit to defeat." She finished the drink, wiping her mouth when Craig leaned over and kissed the corner of it. "What was that for?"

"Just because." He dragged her further into the house, seeing more debauchery and blatant illegal activity with a small circle surrounding a bong, smoke coming from the center like a signal for help. She watched him, his eyes glistening like a child at Christmas. "It's fun, isn't it?"

She kept her smile to herself, knowing that they didn't belong there. "We don't even go to this school."

"So?" They found a group of people near the back, dancing to the DJ set blasting through their makeshift speakers. Perking a quizzical brow, Craig bowed. "Shall we?"

Ellie simply rolled her eyes, beginning to dance along to the electro-pop music playing. It didn't take much to allow the alcohol to drift to her head, the subtle relaxation crossing over her shoulders, saturating her limbs as the gentle sway of her hips went in time with the beat. She turned to face Craig, butting her head with his. "I hate you sometimes."

"Yeah, I know." He pulled her closer, smelling the sweet vanilla in her hair. Eying a quieter spot off the back porch, he pulled her along. "Hey, they even have a hammock."

"Of course." She could feel the buzz in her toes as she poured another cup from the conveniently placed keg. She scooted closer to Craig on the seat, leaning back, their shells knocking into each other, causing her to snort. "Look at us." She had really liked the idea of drinking in the States, finally being legal and taking full advantage.

"I know, we fit right in." He pulled her closer, her head on his shoulder as the breeze passed behind them. "Why don't you go here for graduate school?"

"Because I would actually like to finish the damn thing." She finished her beer, tossing the cup to the pile that was nearby. "Besides, all this salt water in the air fogs up the brain. Also, too much sun. Look at the children, all dazed and confused." She had been avoiding the subject of moving to LA for him, wanting to keep the summer between them special, but taking his hand, she gave him a sincere smile. "I'll think about it."

He watched as she place her head in his lap, her red mane contradicting the halo formation that the light from the beer sign created around her head. The longing was getting the better of him, having her to himself for the summer was nothing short of a miracle. He could still see her figure standing in his doorway, a duffel bag in her hand and an plea to go to the closest watering hole. Weeks later, he still was drunk from the sheer air of her, feeling the urge to do something bold. Leaning to kiss her hairline, he whispered. "I really like you."

"Not so bad yourself." She crinkled her nose, belching and covering her mouth. "Sorry." They looked at each other in silence, only the cheering from the distance could be heard, a meaningful glance spoke volumes, easily slipping in adolescent habits. "Use your words, Manning."

"You're gonna be my wife, aren't you?" It wasn't meant to be a question, but he shied away from the doubt that always lived under the surface.

She couldn't answer the question without stammering, the response on the tip of her tongue. Instead she took his cup, finishing it off. The silence lulled over them until she took his hand, pulling him to his feet. "Would you dance with me?"

Craig could see the fear but love that lingered behind her green, wise eyes. She knew the world before it knew her and disregarded it at face value. But out of the haze, she took his hand, chose him and knowing that, he had to keep on holding on. "After you."

The Second Time:

Craig paced around the living room barefoot, waiting to hear the carbrakes in the front of the building, signaling her arrival. She was supposed to land in JFK an hour ago, knowing that traffic was bad because of the storm. The rain hitting the windowpane paired with the ticking of the clock had him climbing up the walls. He had gotten to the point that with every squeak and knock from the street herald his attention.

It wasn't until he heard a distinctive door slam, racing to the window to see her red ponytail from below, her trademark duffel and her flimsy umbrella. He chuckled, watching her as she tried and failed to open it, giving up and throwing it to the ground. She looked up to his window, giving him the finger when she noticed he was watching her all along. She proceeded to ring the doorbell, leaning on it until he answered. "Open the door, dickhead."

Craig laughed out loud. "I think I should let you stand out there for a while until you cool off."

"Two can play that game." She walked out into the street, throwing her hand in the air. He could see a small smile of satisfaction on her face as he pounded downstairs, catching her as she had already opened the door to the hailed cab. Bemused, she blinked back the pouring raindrops. "Oh, hello." Looking down, she saw his bare feet. "Where're your shoes?"

Rolling his eyes, he snatched her bag. "You made your point." Apologizing to the driver, he grabbed her hand, running back to the door. Once they both were safely inside, he pulled her closer, breathing her in. "Hello."

"Hi." They kissed briefly, every touch heightened by the urgency of being there. Walking quietly up the staircase, hand in hand, they made their way to the top floor, his small apartment awaiting them. Immediately, she stripped off her soaked tops, peeling away each layer like a chameleon, walking toward the window, only in a bra and slip.

Craig walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer, not getting enough of her presence, her simple existence. "You're here."

"Yup." She intertwined their fingers, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles and listening to his breathing. They enjoyed these silences, always warm and welcoming, never cold or distant. It was their friend that safely pointed them home, the gentle blanket to console their doubts and fears, there and never faltering. "I'm sorry it took so long. I wanted to get her sooner but--"

"You're here." He turned her around, pulling her even closer, holding her so tight that he wanted to fuse inside her, make her part of his genetic makeup, carrying her in his pocket, never letting go of his renegade writer. She looked up at him than, seeing a plea to kiss her, never asking, her pride always getting in the way. He did as he was asked, feeling her push him.

They reached the bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as she undid her bra. His eyes traveled her body, thinking about the countless times he imagined her, in these walls, aching her company in the lonely nights. Grabbing her hair, she let escape a moan, it cascading down her torso as he lifted her on the bed, watching her crawl backwards to the head, meeting him halfway as she unbuckled his belt, yanking down his pants and boxers with one fluid motion. He chucked, impressed. "Have you been practicing?"

"That's called 'natural born talent'." She chuckled again, as their closeness was electric, a growing current toward the other until they finally met, colliding into one another, fitting the pieces to the puzzle as every thrust formed a rhythm, tearing down the walls that she built for the world. She arched her back, his hands feeding her spasms, an euphoric high trickling down her spine as he went deeper and deeper.

He suckled at her breast, her nipple coming to life like a spring flower. He kissed her, licked her, devoured her until he couldn't hold on any longer. Without warning, he reached his climax within her, the utter bliss that followed encased them, gliding them both safely to the ground again. He could feel her shiver underneath him, her eyes never leaving him. With other women, they always closed their eyes, as if they were imagining someone else, someone better, shutting him out. But never her. She stayed with him, threw every climb and descend. He pulled her closer, holding her as they both were limp from exhaustion, both contently fucked.

Out of breath, she wrapped his arms around her, fitting her head in the curve of his neck. "I needed that." She took his hand, kissing each finger softly. She had always enjoyed his hands, the slight calluses and ridges on his tips, tracing them and rediscovering every crack and scar they held.

He watched her satisfied smile, one of accomplishment and ached to be inside her again, to live within her as she had with him. "It could always be like this, you know?" He hadn't meant to make the question so soon, the usual cop to the inevitable.

"It's just another few months. I'll be back before you know it." She sat up to kiss him, ignoring the obvious.

His hand traveled down her backside, reluctant to stop talking. "I know." He had recently moved here to be closer to her. They had been in the city a total of four nights before she left for London for a year, interning at NME. He had been there last month, but he was tired of increasingly becoming a nylon, parts of him spreading across an ocean.

After making love a second time, they both listened as the storm grew more violent, seeing leaves hit the windows and slash the screen. Ellie instinctively curled closer to him, a ball in his lap as he stroked her hair. He took her hand, delicately playing with her ring finger and lightly kissing it. She noticed, meeting his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Kissing it for good luck." He smirked deviously, knowing how much she opposed the idea of marriage. He had only asked her once, two years before, knowing it wasn't exactly a proposal, but wishing he had the gumption to ask again. "You will marry me one day, right?"

Ellie turned to face him, cradled in his embrace as her eyes grew heavy. "One day... when my hair turns gray."

He watched her doze off, inwardly hoping it would be sooner than that. "I guess I could live with that."

The Third Time:

"Hey, could you pass me the buns?"

"Huh?"

Jimmy Brooks pointed to the package of buns on the table. "The buns?"

Craig nodded absently. "Yeah, sure." He watched on as Ellie, in a two-piece bathing suit, and Paige were walking near the surf, the pair meeting Marco closer to the rocky mounds. He was memorized at her complete exposure, knowing she rarely left the house if it was high noon, knowing the beach was something that was off-limits. He enjoyed the view, admiring her coming out of her shell. She was twenty-six and looked perfect, always wanting to picture her just that way.

"You okay, man?" Jimmy had been manning the grill, cooking assortments of meat, looking over the beach. "Ellie trouble?"

"Naturally." He took a seat next to him, dusking off the sand that clung to his cargo shorts. He was glad for the day's overcast didn't bring out the sun, but the Toronto area was getting one of the few warm days in April. They were visiting from New York, celebrating Marco's graduation and enjoying each other's company, but Craig still couldn't shake his benign problem.

"She's pushing me away."

"I can see why." Jimmy continued to flip over the hamburgers, not missing a stroke when he felt Craig's accusing eyes. "I mean, with her homelife, would you be so keen to jump into that sort of relationship?"

"It's different with us." He kicked a small rock, looking down at his knees, avoiding to look at her again. "I see her, completely. And I still want her, bruises and all."

"And that's great. But you can't just assume it'll be the same deal for her."

"I know." He knew how fragile the balance they had was. How one misstep could cause the dominoes to fall, triggering complications that didn't need to be unturned. But he needed a commitment, something to keep him motivated, dedicated to. Despite loving her, he had nothing more to hold onto, nothing to grab a hold of when the world spun out of control. She was his center and he needed that to stay in one piece. "She just needs to make a decision."

"She will, when she can." He stuck a fork into a hotdog, placing it in a bun and shoving it toward Craig. "But if you push her, you'll lose her."

Craig took the food, unable to eat until he saw Ellie walk up to him, sitting next to him and stealing it away. "Mmm, thanks." She chumped down, eating happily as Marco took her up and pulled her toward his belongings, showing her a book from his bag. As they animatedly discussed its contents, he watched their exchange, wondering how others saw them when they were together. Were they as openly affectionate or was the wall as visible to everyone else?

It wasn't until the ride back to the hotel that the tension broke. "What's the matter with you?"

"Me? Nothing." He took her hand across the console, kissing the back of it before she snatched it back. "What?"

"You've been acting like an asshole all day. Did something happen?"

"No. Nothing happened." Nothing ever happened, that was the trouble. The wall, the ever-present boundary line was facing him, too high to climb over and too low to curl under. He was blocked, and as he grew closer and closer to breaking it apart, he hated himself for caring so much.

They pulled into the parking lot in silence, only this was silence's evil twin, the one that made any situation more awkward, hanging over them like a cloud of doom, dripping over the shoulders, drenching them with contempt and self-loathing. He was malice with his technique, sneaking through the cracks of the walls no one else could access, leaving this void of emptiness and hopelessness. They both hated this silence, but too afraid to ever face him, knowing that the words would come out wrong, the silence twisting it for his own entertainment, misconstrued and deceitful. They both agreed to wear it out until it was lifted, when a simple smile from the other was able to destroy it and could push it away. But unlike before, no smiles appear. Ellie went to her suitcase, pulling a few garments out before heading into the bathroom.

Craig plopped on the bed, looking at the ceiling and allowing his mind to hallucinate in pictures, trace the future he wanted to lead with Ellie, pockets of it with missing pieces, punched holes and unfilled spaces across the patterns in his mind. He reached out to them, beginning to see them take shape, but what he longed for was a fantasy. He had something real in the room, something breathing and full of energy, and yet, it didn't suffice the devoid that her love could be. He heard her come out, smelling of flowers and spices. She laid next to him on the bed, wrapping a slick arm around his torso and wet hair by his face. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

He tried to reset the urge to sigh, exasperated with loving her and never having her, completely. He reached out and be left hanging, but she always came. She let him in, once or twice in the night when she would curl next to him, let him hold her close. She let him in when she let him read her writing, her nervous pace making his heart light. She let him in when she watched him from the side of the stage in a small club, humming along to every chord change. But as soon as it was there, it was gone. And if on cue, she got back up, returning to the bathroom, blow-drying her hair. It was than that he asked her for the third time. "Would you marry me, Ellie?"

She shut off the dryer, looking confused as she poked her head out the doorway. "Did you say something?"

Craig looked at her, such a beauty. He knew he would live the rest of his life, even if it was at a distance, being with her. She was endgame for him. "Nope."

The Fourth Time:

He had decided long ago that it wouldn't be cheesy. That the moment had to be natural, but things like that could never be, when you let fate take the wheel and determine the answer, it's out of your hands. He was a man who liked having the control, in the studio, on stage, but he couldn't control her, never could. He thought that he had the power to break her, make her second-guess everything, but it was really her all along, holding the cards and dealing them as she wished. She was the puppet master, dangling him along without him being wise, gladly going along with it until he finally earned her. But how can you truly earn someone like Ellie Nash? He asked himself that question everyday, fearful to know the real answer, afraid that he could never live up to the standards. They had been together in some form for ten years, the constant longing and wanting as natural as the morning sun. He had adapted to the arm's length distance, not regretting the choices that led them there, only privileged that he was invited on the ride.

But in the back of his mind, he knew he deserved more than this. He had been patient and understanding, more than willing to bend to her needs, but time was slipping past and they were frankly getting old for these childish games. She was his lifeline when he had none, his conscience and voice of reason, his beacon when he couldn't find home, and his heart, the only one he had left. She had chipped away parts of him, stealing them and keeping them, parts he didn't want back but wanted to share with her. He received some things in return, sparse and far-between, but taking them in stride, nonetheless. But after everything, walls still remained and one needed to be knocked down soon.

Pulling up to their small cottage, he was reminded of how they came upon it, after Ellie had the urge to go for a long drive in the countryside, finding shelter when a storm flooded the roads. They fell in love with it instantly, buying it that next morning. It eventually became a structure of their love, rebuilding it to its former glory, the efforts reflecting what Craig would have liked their relationship to be. After three years, it had become something they both owned, something that was completely theirs. It was just before dawn, knowing she was still asleep, he parked the car, looking at it from afar, like he always felt with her.

He pulled out the black box, looking at it in the twilit sky, shimmering against the clouds as it sparkled on it own. He had gotten it from Joey a few Christmases ago, in hopes to gain the courage to ask her properly, but when the moment arose, something always held him back. He eventually kept it with him, taking it on tours and leaving it his pocket, becoming something of a good luck charm. He didn't know why he kept it, possibly fearful of Ellie finding it, but he really knew that if he could see it, a tangible object that it was real, that she was real, it would give him the strength to go on.

He knew that he should have felt grateful, many never knowing the love that he had with her, but it wasn't enough. Loving someone, the way he loved Ellie, consumed him, inspired him, drained him, destroyed him. He was a victim of it, but refused to feel pity. He accepted her, knowing she was damaged goods, like himself, part of the reason why they clicked so well, but he needed more. They were both victims, and yet, he seemed to be the one that was getting hurt the most. Despite his understanding, it was also the bane of his existence. He knew why she put up the walls, but he figured that one day, she would let him in, if anyone, he thought it would be him. Selfishly, he wanted the only entry into that part of her, where her thoughts, her feelings, were her own, a no man's land that was guarded by all, be opened to him. But he stayed, living on hope along that it would carry him through.

Finally leaving the car, he entered the house, and to his surprise meeting eyes with Ellie. "Hey."

She remained at the window, facing the small rose garden she had planted last summer, holding her stomach and looking distressed, wiping her face. "Hi." She took a seat, beckoning him toward her. "How was the show?"

Craig ignored her question, looking concerned as he joined her at the breakfast table. "What's the matter?"

She turned away, the reflection of her frown stained the window, causing Craig's stomach to spasm. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay..." He took her hand that was laid on the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze when she faced him again. "What's on your mind?"

"Too much." She released a halfhearted chuckled, sniffling and reciprocating the gesture. "Thinking about how selfish I've been. How I haven't really giving you as much as you've given me."

"What are you talking about?" He pulled her up, having her stand close to him as she leaned forward, resting her head on his forehead. He could feel her shake and brought her down to his lap, until her tears grew more frequent, wiping them away with the back of his hand. "Ellie... sweetheart..."

"It's just... you love me so much." She stood up, leaving his side and pacing around the kitchen, looking manic. "At first, I thought it was everything I could possibly want, having you finally love me as much as I loved you, but than it became suffocating. Before I realized, every decision I made revolved around you and I felt like I was losing myself. That nothing belong to me anymore, not even more heart. And so I pushed you away. I thought, if I could take some ownership in my life, even if that meant pushing away the best pat of me, it was worth it to have something that I could have to myself. I thought I earned that, deserved that." She stopped, looking at him with an alarmed look. "But than all I ever got was years of having you, but you never having me. And no matter how you look at that, it's wrong."

Craig shook his head, walking to her with open arms. "But we're happy, aren't we?" He embraced her, but was pushed away, a look of panic in her eyes. "Ellie--"

"Don't you see? I wasted away years, good years, being scared of letting you in. I thought that, if I gave you all of me, I'd have nothing." She chuckled again, a snort coming put. "And than I woke up this morning and you weren't there and all I wanted was your body beside me, holding me and feeling your warmth and it was like a lightbulb went off over my head. Like the very thought of having you was realized. I had you. I have you and I don't need anything else. I've found myself, or whatever you're supposed to do, and I know that I'm not myself, not completely until you're there beside me."

Craig was overwhelmed with emotion, coming down to his knees at the hearth of the fireplace, finding himself there after all the pacing and pushing. He took her hands, bring her down and enveloping her in his embrace, both crying. Between breaths, he kissed her stained cheeks, pulling out the black satin box. His voice was shaky, thinking it was the best moment he'd ever had. "Will you marry--"

"Yes." She kissed him before he could say it again, holding him close and laughing. "I thought you'd never ask."

The Final Time:

The sky just turned to dusk as she walked around the backyard, thanking their guests in the small reception area. Lanterns decorated the lawn, protecting the early summer bugs from attacking everyone, creating a heavenly glow. Ellie watched as Craig laughed with Spinner and his bass player, his own glow surrounding him while she enjoyed the general splendor. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, turning to see her oldest friend, taking as seat. "So you're married, eh?"

Ellie snorted, nudging Ashley and pulling into a hug. "I guess you're the only single one now."

"Hell yes." She nodded approvingly as she scooted closer. "So, how does it feel?"

Ellie pondered the thought, looking over her friends that congregated for the event, some coming far ans wide to see their union. Her heart expanded tenfold when Craig looked back, a gentle smile on his face as he looked over her wedding dress, a small bump poking out and her hair flowing down. Clearing her throat, she shrugged simply. "Good."

"I figured it would only take a matter of time to wear you down."

"I guess." She reflected on the past few months, the preparations of the wedding and the surprise that only her and Craig were aware of, making everything seem realer than she could ever imagine. It had been a long time coming, but it felt right. "Only a matter of time."

Long after the guests left, and the dawn peeked over the horizon, they laid in bed, Craig's head on her stomach, talking softly. "Are you happy?"

Ellie chuckled at the question, so many being asked and only few that stood out. He laid there, next to their baby-to-be, a life force that was belonged to them as much as they belonged to each other. She thought she could die from happiness at that moment, but instead, she gently grazed his forehead, tangling her fingers in his curls. "More than you can ever know."

FIN.

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