Sensitive Steele – Wishful Addition-Alternative Scene
Laura and Steele have returned to their room after the big blowout session in the Latent Hostility class. Laura hangs up the phone after checking in with Mildred and goes over to Steele to try and talk about what happened. He's in no mood to talk.
L: Look, are you going to freeze me out like this for the rest of the night?
R: Nope. I'm going to sleep for the rest of the night. If you choose to interpret the silence that comes with that as my freezing you out, that's your prerogative.
L: Mr. Steele. I don't want to fight with you; I just want to talk…about what was said earlier. I mean, can't we do that? Can't we talk about it?
R: (continues to be silent)
L: (stands in the middle of the room, waiting for some sign of acquiescence but getting nothing) Fine. (gets into her own bed, mumbling to herself) What did I expect anyway? It's the same old story with us. (sighs) There's no point to any of this.
R: (hears her last remark) Do you really believe that?
L: (startled by his voice suddenly filling the room. Sighs) I don't know. No. I don't believe that. I know there's a point. There has to be. There has to be a wonderful, worthwhile point to all of this - to you and me. Otherwise, why do we do it? (pauses) I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean it. I was just so angry. And not even at you. Well, not entirely. I was a little angry at you. Angry at you for not being the way I need you to be. Angry at myself for needing you to be that way in the first place. Angry at the sun and the moon and the stars and whatever invisible force that caused two of the most important men in my life to walk out on me without so much as a look back. Angry at how their actions, which now seem to have taken place a lifetime ago, continues to keep me from fully giving myself, my heart to someone I so intensely want to be closer to. (realizes that she's gone on for a while and has been irreversibly transparent, she looks over at him and finds that he's no longer on the other side of the room but standing next to her bed.)
R: Laura. I think it's time we dealt with this anger of yours. I'm not willing to let it come between us any longer. I need you and want you more than I've ever needed or wanted anyone in my life. And I'm not just talking about making love. That will come when the time is right and it will be a splendid event – of this I don't have any doubt. But, I have yet to right the wrongs visited upon you by those two important (said with disdain) men from your past. And, dammit Laura, I shouldn't have to. I'm paying the price for what those bloody bastards did. If I'd known how badly he hurt you when he came sniffing around for your help on the Vandemere case, I would have shown Wilson the door without so much as a handshake and a smile right after I introduced his face to my fist. And don't get me started on your father. There's no excuse for what he did and that's the end of that. But that still leaves it with you and me doesn't it? Here we are, two people who claim to care for each other but cowardly refuse to step one foot out of our comfort zones to let things move forward. I'm tired of being afraid. As intensely as you want to give yourself to me, that's how much I want you to. What will it take for you to trust me?
L: (sitting up now, she looks at him with sad, regretful eyes) I don't know.
R: (exasperated at that answer, he abruptly turns toward his makeshift bed) Ah…okay. Well, neither do I. Goodnight.
L: (caught off guard by his sudden retreat) No, wait. Please. Don't turn your back on me. Please. (extends her hand, beckoning him to come back)
R: (he returns and sits next to her, he ignores her extended hand) I'm listening. (still quite angry)
L: (annoyed at his impatience but knowing he has a right to be) It's not that I don't trust you. I do. I don't believe you'd intentionally do anything to hurt me. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for making you put up with my past problems, my baggage. I hate it. I hate that it's causing this animosity between us. I don't want anything to push us apart. I don't know why I continue to let my insecurities dictate the nature of our relationship. (looking into his eyes) I know that you haven't stayed around simply to sleep with me. If that were all there was between us it would have happened by now. I can't tell you how many nights I dreamt of you loving me. (she closes her eyes. He watches her) You're always very gentle and sweet. (saying with amazement) And it always seems so real. I can actually feel your skin caressing mine, your hands touching me, your mouth on me, your warm breath on my face, your scent so intoxicating, I can hear your voice softly whispering in my ear, the feel of you…
(her fantasy is interrupted by his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her toward him)
R: (after kissing her, he breathes her name into her lips) Laura…
L: (head spinning) I hate it when you kiss me that way. (sighs her words softly) I always want more. Isn't that funny?…(falling into his kiss once again, eyes drifting shut)
R: (pulls back from the kiss and looks into her half-opened eyes. he runs his hands down her back, caresses her sides) I meant what I said about it not just being about us sleeping together, but, at this particular moment that's all I can think of. (torn) Oh my, Laura, I don't want to make a mistake and do something we're not ready for. There's still so much to work out between us.
L: (tries to listen to what he's saying and think rationally, but struggles) I know. But…I…I want us to be together. Now. Tonight. I know you love me. Don't you? Despite everything?
R: Laura…
L: (beginning to regain her normally controlled demeanor, she puts some distance between them) You're still thinking about earlier today. The things we said, the things I said.
R: Laura…
L: No. It's ok. I'm sorry. I really must look like an idiot right now. (bitter laugh) I should have left you alone, let you sleep. But no, I had to push you into talking to me about this. I felt like I couldn't sleep if we didn't at least try to clear things up. Now, I'm just embarrassed.
R: Laura, please. You don't have to be embarrassed. I know you didn't mean what you said this afternoon and I don't…
L: Maybe I did mean it; I don't know.
R: (caught off guard by her retort – he watches her for a moment, then turns away, leans forward, elbows on knees, head in hands) Perhaps you're right - we should get some sleep. (goes over to his makeshift bed and gets in)
The room falls silent…
Neither of them gets much sleep. Laura finally falls asleep just before dawn and when she wakes a few hours later, Steele has already gotten an early start. She stares at the disheveled blankets for several minutes before throwing her own back and heading toward the shower.