Disclaimer
A fic about my favorite SG-U girl. Vanessa James.
She wasn't a frail. Growing up on a farm, with four brothers had made her tough. She was one hundred and thirty four pounds (all muscle if you please) of ass-kicking commando. A fully certified, Pararescue Jumper, with the green foot tattooed on her ass to prove it. She had pulled wounded pilots out of live engagements in Iraq and 'recovered' Taliban leaders in Afghanistan. She wasn't frail, but sometimes when Matt looked at her she felt delicate.
She wasn't dumb either. Dumbasses don't get field commissions. She didn't delude herself though. She was smart enough to know she was no TJ. Not a college girl like Chloe either. She wasn't a planner, she was a doer. And that was fine. She never relied on her brain. She wasn't dumb, but when Rush looked at her and didn't explain, because he knew, he knew she wouldn't get it, she knew she wasn't smart.
She wasn't disloyal. She'd enlisted right out of high school. The air force was her life. It was all she wanted, a home and a purpose. There was no bright future outside the service for her. This was as good as it got, but it was good enough. She wanted off the ship, yeah, but so did everyone else. Still, sometimes she thinks Greer can tell. He can tell that if push came to shove, she might just do anything to save her own skin.
She knew she was lonely. There was no deluding herself there. And one look from Chloe made it plan that other people knew it too. She wasn't sure how. She never said anything. Never let it show in front of anyone. On the outside she was iron, on the inside oh god, she felt hollow.
She wasn't a coward. She was at home on the battlefield, a soldier to the core. But this was a different kind of war. She wasn't a pilot, the best she could do was stay out the way. Like some kind of big useless sack of meat that was eating and breathing up precious supplies. She felt useless and it terrified her. And when she looked in the mirror she knew, she wasn't brave.