Ted always had a date with destiny.
A dance with fate.
He and the universe often exchanged words.
But someday his luck had to run out.
When everything would collide together and the architect wouldn't come out on the other side unscathed.
That day was today.
A drunk jackass on a cell phone T-boned the cab he was in.
It slammed into his window sending Ted's world spinning.
He never saw it coming.
He never thought he would die.
Not without meeting The One.
Where was she?
Pain exploded at the center of his skull and everything went dark.
A loud crash accompanied the shatter of glass.
Thank God he wore his seat belt.
Car sirens wailed in the night as it rained.
People were screaming for help.
He couldn't breath.
Something heavy was weighing down on his chest.
"Hey! Buddy! You alright?" The driver asked.
Ted didn't reply.
Dark hooded eye lids rested on his face as he tried to give a watery breath.
A bloody limp hand rested at his side.
The driver almost thought he was dead.
Almost.
If Ted's quivering torso was anything to go by.
New Yorkers walked around the accident as an ambulance was called.
"Okay, just try and hang on. I'm gonna try and get us out of here."
Ted tried to respond.
He tried to paw the crushing weight off his chest.
He wanted to.
But his hands wouldn't move.
Couldn't move.
Oh God! Just make it stop!
Somebody pried his door open.
Flashlights shined in his face.
Glass was swept away.
A faint ringing sound in his ears drowned out everything as Ted was finally pulled from the cab.
They placed him on a soft surface and strapped him down.
On the inside of his head he started panicking.
An oxygen mask was placed across his face.
Lights.
Swirls of colors and people.
Pain and clouded memories.
Why couldn't he remember?
Don't panic Ted, just try to breath, a rational side of him soothed.
Why couldn't he breath?!
A deep whine made its way to the back of his throat.
Ted!
What?
I've got you pooh-bear.
Who are you?
Just hold on.
He was.
He relaxed and drifted off.
SPACE-SPACE-SPACE-SPACING-WE-LOVE-SPACING-SO-MUCH
"Ted!...Ted...Theodore!"
Oh my God, what now?
Another voice, "I think he's waking up."
"G' way," Ted slurred.
"Oh yeah. He's awake."
"He can hear us."
He felt a flair of annoyance rise up in his chest.
"Ttteeedd...Ted Evelyn Mosby..."
"Oh m' Gaw, jus' be quie' wi' you?" He complained.
"Ted..."
Wait.
Robin?
"Come on Ted it wasn't that bad."
Yup, it was totally Robin.
"Not that bad?!" Someone else that sounded like Marshall croaked. "He got T-boned by a drunk jackass and broke his sternum! How is that not bad?"
A laugh, "Please. I've mountain biked with a broken sternum."
"I'm calling Barney," Lily told the two.
It was just guess work he couldn't actually see them.
He did however, have a tube-like thing stuck in his throat.
Ted's eyes fluttered.
"Hey buddy, are you awake?"
No.
Okay...maybe.
"Ted!"
He felt like screaming in frustration.
"Press the call button maybe they'll take the tube out."
"I'm calling, jeez."
Bunch of jackasses.
Couldn't they tell he wanted to sleep?
Correct him if he was wrong, but car crashes usually did that to people.
"Ted?!"
Here we go.
It was Marshall.
"Blink once for 'no' and twice for 'yes!"
Ted blinked once.
Someone laughed.
"Even at deaths corner he's still obstinate."
"Well you try blinking in his condition, it's harder than it looks!"
Another laugh, "Again: mountain biked with a broken sternum!"
"I thought you said you jumped out of an airplane."
"No. It was a helicopter and completely different injury."
Lily interrupted them, "Guys, the doctor is on his way."
"What about Barney?" Robin asked.
She looked incredibly nervous, "Hehe! He's uh-he's on his way too!"
He wasn't coming, Ted concluded.
Barney, not the doctor.
"Ted's awake."
Crap.
Marshall spotted him.
With his eyes open and everything.
Robin and Lily came over.
They all thought he looked awful.
He sported a giant purple bruise across his entire face, deep cuts here and there, arm in a cast.
The hospital brought him in a few hours ago, placing him in surgery for some damage to his kidney.
A few broken ribs had come with it.
Ted's fractured sternum is what they were initially worried about.
Excessive bruising spread across his torso where the seat belt had been.
Marshall insisted it was a miracle he survived the whole process.
Robin shot him one last annoyed, good-ol-skeptical look.
Lily sat down next to him and cupped Ted's fragile hand in her own.
"Ted...we were all really worried about you."
He tried to give her a smile.
"I hope you're okay buddy," Marshall said.
Robin smiled at Ted and gently rubbed his uncasted arm.
"Is Barney here yet?" She asked Lily.
Awkward silence.
"I have, uh, no idea."
Ted tried shaking his head. Give it up guys.
Barney wasn't coming.
The doctor finally came in and decided to take the tube out of is throat.
It was all very painful.
After it was over, Marshall asked him, "So, uhh, what happened? Did you see a bright light?"
Ted just stared at his red Jell-O stirring it around and around with a spoon.
"Ted?" Robin prodded. "You okay?"
She wasn't talking about physically.
"Yeah...yeah I'm okay," he answered. "Umm, no I didn't see any bright lights unless you count the emergency room staff as God's choir of heavenly angels."
"Darn it!"
"I didn't die Marshall. If I had there would've been a bright light."
"TED!"
The doors slammed open.
Barney in a crumpled suit came stumbling in, gasping for air.
"TED! TED! DON'T DIE TED!"
The architect chuckled, "I hadn't planned on it."
"Ted!" Barney knelt at the foot of his hospital bed. "You can't go, you still have so much to live for Ted!"
"I'm fine!"
"Ted!"
"Enough with my name already!" He shouted and then winced at the pain in his chest.
Lily shot him a concerned look.
Marshall rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "What shall we call you?"
Ted's eyebrows shot up as he pleaded, "Dduddee."
"FROM NOW ON 'DUDE' IT SHALL BE!"
"Oh God," Robin swore and backed away.
"Look, I understand and appreciate the fact you all were worried. But now you're just freaking out."
Marshall scoffed, "What are you talking about, we're not freaking out. We're freaking in!"
This time it was Ted who closed his eyes and said, "Oh My God."
"HALLELUJAH!"
Barney echoed the lawyers cries.
"Kill me nnooww," Ted moaned.
"I'll join you," Robin said and pressed the call button.
Author Notes: I hadn't intended for this become a one-shot but hey, if that's how it works out. If not, let me know in your reviews and comments :) Also, despite what Marshall and Robin claimed, Ted had a fractured sternum, not broken. Sternums are actually really hard to break. I hope you enjoyed it, have a great night.
BeneathTheYellowUmbrella-OMG thank you! I'm a HUGE fan of yours XD