a/n: so this came to me while i was watching a rerun of the Grey's episode "What I Am", the one with Meredith on morphine. i started thinking what if that was addison? and so this fic was born. this is set right around that episode, i don't really know where. i'm going to pretend the disasterous addex kiss in the bar never happened because i didn't write anything that says otherwise.

summary: addison's the one with appendicitis and the one on morphine. i essentially stole the idea and changed it. if you look really carefully there are scenes that have the dialogue and characters changed, but you can recognize them from the episode if you pay attention.

disclaimer: i think the fact that i admitted to stealing it would prove that i don't own this.

this is supposed to be a oneshot, my first one shot actually, but i'm seriously considering continuing it.

Addison woke up with a pain in her stomach and not a normal stomachache either. But she got dressed and went into the hospital anyways because there were women and children to save. That was mistake number one.

Mistake number two was that she decided to ask Bailey for an intern, specifically Alex Karev. She knew he hated her service, but truth be told, she liked working with him and he had been complaining less lately, ever since she had released him from it. She liked to think it was because he actually missed her. She knew it was probably because Sloane had him fetching coffee and his dry-cleaning.

Anyways, mistake number two was walking up to Bailey, even as she began to feel worse and she had to force herself not to turn into an on-call room and curl up into a ball.

Mistake number three was opening her mouth. Because the second she opened her mouth she had to turn to avoid throwing up all over her friend. So she ended up throwing up all over the floor, barely missing Alex Karev's shoes.

"That's nasty," Izzie Stevens announced. No shit, Sherlock. That take you and Watson put together to figure out? Addison thought. She got cranky and unforgiving when she was sick.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked quietly. Over the time he had spent on her service he had become very protective of her. And, yeah, okay maybe he had a crush on her, but it was a crush and it would pass. Besides, it's not like she would ever feel the same for him. And anyways, it was only because he couldn't have her. It would pass.

"Is she pregnant?" Addison heard Christina ask Meredith. No, that wasn't possible. Right? Because the last person she had had sex with was Derek and… no, she could not be having her ex-husband's baby. God couldn't possibly hate her that much. She knew what she had done was wrong, but hadn't she been punished enough? Because she thought watching her husband pine for another woman and then sleeping with said woman while she was in the same building, then finding her underwear in his jacket was punishment enough. And then Mark Sloane showed up… no, she had been punished enough; the universe could not possibly hate someone enough to make them pregnant with their ex's child.

Miranda was the only one with any sense and guided her friend to an exam room. "You've got a fever," she proclaimed upon feeling her skin.

"Really? I couldn't tell from the fact that I'm sweating like a pig but I feel like I need a parka," Addison snapped. "I'm sorry, I'm not a very good patient," she winced.

"You're vomiting and you've got abdominal pain. Are you pregnant? What did you manage to do this time?"

"What? No! I cannot be pregnant, Miranda, it is just not possible. It's just not."

"How long since your last period?"

Addison struggled to remember, "Maybe… I don't know… I don't remember. I'm in pain! I can't remember!"

"You need to remember."

Addison struggled to remember. "Maybe two weeks ago. About there," she thought. Her eyes lit up, "Which means that I can't be pregnant! I haven't had sex since then."

Miranda winced at the very blunt, un-Addison-like delivery of that news. "Thank you for that. Well, that's good news; you don't need a baby to complicate things with Derek. But it means I'll have to run some more tests."

Addison groaned and writhed as her pain intensified, "Great, sure, fine. Can I please have some morphine?"

"You sure you want morphine?"

"Yes! Please, Miranda," she moaned, clutching her stomach.

Bailey sighed, "Alright."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Addison giggled as the drugs took their effect. The world was so much better drugged. No evil ex-husbands and their slutty interns or having to worry about having feelings for your own intern. Nope, not here. She should really drug herself more often. She giggled again.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked as he walked into the room. It was rather sad to see her lying in a hospital bed in a hospital gown, but at least she was smiling and the look was one she pulled off well.

"If it isn't my intern! What're you doing here? I thought you were with McSteamy now."

"What're you on?" he inquired as he looked at her chart. Morphine. This should be interesting.

Her face screwed up as she tried to remember, "I don't remember, but you should get some. I don't hurt anymore."

"That's good." He didn't like the thought of her in pain.

"So why aren't you with McSteamy?" she said in a tone of voice that might have convinced him that she was lucid if it weren't for the fact that she had just referred to Mark Sloane as 'McSteamy'.

"I got assigned to your case. Well, me and Izzie. Actually Izzie's shadowing me for the day. So we both are. And did you just call Sloane McSteamy?"

"Oh." Addison looked very interested by his explanation of why he was there. "Yes. I heard Meredith call him that and I thought it fit. I think it fits very well," she explained with a giggle.

Alex's face darkened for a moment, "Well, I would love to stay and chat but I actually do have other patients. Patients who aren't completely drugged out of their minds."

"I'm not drugged, per say… okay, yeah, I might be a little, teensy bit drugged." She held up her thumb and her pointer finger to demonstrate just how little she was drugged.

Remembering Meredith on morphine, he thought it was amazing that she hadn't said anything to really embarrass herself. Even drugged she was conscious of what she was saying.

"Anyhoo," she giggled, something she was doing very often lately. "Can I get some ice chips?"

"I'm not your slave."

"And you also don't have veins with tubes going into them," she pointed out. "I really want some ice chips. Pwease?" she switched to a little girl's voice and batted her eyelashes.

He laughed, "I hope you don't think that'll work."

"Why not? It worked on Derek. And on Mark. Why shouldn't it not work on you? Wait, what did I just say? Stupid double negatives. I'm so confused."

Alex was contemplating leaving after that remark about Derek and Mark and him, but when he saw the frazzled look on her face, he couldn't drag himself away. It was so unlike her for any sort weakness to show on her face that he wanted to stick around.

"Alex! Ice chips! I'll let you scrub in if you get me ice chips!" she exclaimed.

"Are you bribing me?"

"No. Maybe. Yes. Is it working?"

He laughed. "No. Maybe. Yes," he echoed.

"Don't mock me. I've got fellowships in… in… a lot of long, medical sounding words that I can't remember at the moment. When you can boast fellowships in medical sounding words and that you're the best… best…"

"Neonatal," he supplied.

"Right, neonatal. When you can boast that you're the best neonatal surgeon in the whole world like me then you can mock me."

"Really, the whole world?"

"Yes, the whole, wide world," She nodded resolutely. "You're mocking me again. What did I just say about mocking me?"

"I don't know, what?"

"That… that… that…" she stuttered as she lost her train of thought, "What was I saying?"

"How charming and attractive you find me."

"Really?" She looked at him in wonder, "That really doesn't sound like something I would say, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. But it was what you were saying."

"Don't confuse the poor woman, Alex," Izzie ordered from her position by the door where she had been watching the exchange. "She's confused enough without you. You were actually saying something about ice chips," she said to Addison.

"Why would I want ice chips?" Addison asked, trying to piece everything together in her drug muddled mind.

"I don't know, but you were asking for them. Don't you have other patients?" Izzie looked pointedly at Alex.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah," he agreed, flustered that he had forgotten about them, walking out the door.

"Bye, Alex!" Addison yelled and waved enthusiastically.

"You're scary when you're drugged," Izzie commented. "Not that you aren't terrifying completely sober."

"I resent that. When's Alex coming back?"

"Why? I'm not good enough for you?"

"No, you're fine, but you're nowhere near as fun to look at."

Izzie laughed and nodded her head. "He is good looking."

"This is what I'm saying. But I kind of hate him. He's loud and obnoxious and he put my career in jeopardy and he's cocky. Too cocky. Plus I hear he's a bit of a manwhore."

"He is."

"I don't want to get hurt again. Which is what he would do. He would hurt me. I think. I don't really know."

"I don't think he would… wait, what?"

"He would hurt me. If I started something with him."

"You want to start something with him? I thought you hated him."

"I do, until he starts saying stupid, perfect things and looking at me. I feel good when he looks at me. It makes me feel special. He pays attention to me, Izzie. He listens to what I say. He takes what I'm saying into account. With Derek, I could have told him that during the middle of one of my surgeries the boogeyman came and possessed my patient and he would have said something like 'that's nice' or something and mumbled something about a surgery he had. And with Mark, he would listen, but eventually it all went back to him. Is it too much to ask for some attention? No one pays attention to me. No one loves me. I just want to be loved. And I want to be loved by Alex."

Izzie stood there blinking. Who knew that the confidence that Dr. Montgomery exuded was a shell? And who knew that she felt that way about Alex? She looked at the papers that Alex had left on accident. "I've, um, I've got your test results. You've got appendicitis apparently."

"Great, I can't even come up with an original disease. Nope, I have to have the exact same thing Meredith Grey had. God, now I'm not just the evil adulteress bitch wife that wouldn't go away, I'm a copycat too. As if my life didn't suck enough. That's just great. So appendicitis huh? I feel like I should care about that."

"You probably should."

"I don't though."

"Okay. Um, so your surgery's a little later today, either Alex will be back to prep you."

"Okay."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Izzie dumped her lunch tray down beside Alex and sat down. "How do you feel about Dr. Montgomery?"

"What?"

"How do you feel about Dr. Montgomery?"

"Um… I'm not answering that."

"Seriously, Alex, you should go ask her now. She's on drugs, she won't remember a thing."

"Ask her what?"

"How she feels about you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Please don't pull that innocent crap on me. I've seen you watch her. And you've stopped complaining whenever you get assigned to her. You're falling for her."

Alex was quiet for awhile. "How'd you figure it out?" he finally asked.

"You mean I was right? Damn, I'm good."

"You didn't know?"

"Nope, I was just guessing. But now I know! Go, go ask her now!"

"Why?"

"Because then you'll know, and I can't tell you because that would ruin the entire thing. Anyways you'll know and she won't remember. Of course you'll have to tell her later."

Desperate to get away from her incoherent babbling and curious what she could possibly be talking about, he agreed to do as she said. She walked him to the door of Addison's room to make sure he would do it and then left them alone.

"Hi!" Addison chirped as he walked in the room, "Are you here to prep me for surgery?"

"No, not really."

"Not really? So you're kind of here to prep me for surgery and mostly not?"

"I need to ask you a question."

"'Bout what?"

"You. And me. Us."

"There's an us?" She bit her lip trying to remember, "I don't remember there being an us. I remember me wanting there to be an us, but I don't recall an actual us. Should I remember an us?"

"No, but you want there to be an us?"

"Shh!" she hissed spastically waving her hands in front of her face in a very ungraceful manner to signal him to shut up, "Don't talk so loud and don't tell Chief or Bailey, they'll flip out."

"They will. Would you be willing to take that risk?"

"Maybe. If you're a good kisser. Are you going to kiss me now or am I going to have to wait and kiss the next male that comes in the room, providing it's not my ex-husband?"

"I'm not going to kiss you now."

"Why not?" she pouted.

"Because I know that you're not going to remember this when the drugs wear off and when I kiss you, I want you to remember it."

"Oh. So will you kiss me when the drugs wear off?"

"If you want me to."

"I do. Oh, and a little tip, don't listen to anything I say when I'm off drugs, I have a tendency to pretend that I'm fine or that I don't want you to kiss me when I'm off drugs."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. So can I kiss the next guy that comes in the room?"

Alex laughed, "You have a one track mind. No."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll regret it when you figure out that you did."

"How do you know what I would do?"

"Because I know you. Well, at least I do when you're not drugged."

It wasn't perfect but coming from him it sounded like such a perfect thing to say that even if she wasn't drugged she probably would have teared up. But considering she was on morphine and had essentially no inhibitions, she started sobbing.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked worriedly, sitting down on the bed beside her. "Addison, what is it?"

"I need- I need you to stop saying such perfect things!" she sobbed. "Please stop being so freaking perfect! I can't hate you when you're so perfect. And if I can't hate you then I have to admit that I like you and then that just opens a whole other can of worms. Because if I admit that I like you then I have to admit that I like you as way more than a coworker and friend. And then I start getting my hopes up and then you decide that you don't want me after all and then I get hurt again and then I'm broken and you move on and I'm all alone. Again. And right now I can't be alone. So please stop being so perfect!"

Alex looked a little freaked out by her confession, but elated that she liked him like that. "For the record, I would never decide that I didn't want you."

"See, you're doing the perfect thing again! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" she cried, hiding her head under the pillow.

"And I would never hurt you. Not intentionally. Not the way Sloane or Shepherd did," he continued.

"La la la la! I'm not listening!" she shouted into the pillow.

"Not listening to what?" Miranda asked as she walked into the room.

"That," Addison replied, pointing at Alex and bringing her head out from underneath the pillow. "That perfect person. He knows exactly what I want to hear and then he says it. And it's perfect. That is too much perfect for one person. He's too perfect. Make him stop being perfect."

"Is the word perfect starting to sound weird to you, or is that just me?" Alex asked in his usual annoying manner.

"And then he goes and does that," Addison announced.

"Karev is far from perfect. He doesn't do things when he's told. Because I distinctly remember telling him to prep you for surgery and yet here I am ready for surgery and are you prepped? No."

"I would just like to point out that that is not my fault. People seem to think that everything that goes wrong around here is my fault. It's not. God forbid I try and get my husband back. God forbid I break up the perfectness that is Meredith and McDreamy. But they seem to forget that if I hadn't slept with Mark then Derek would have never come to Seattle in the first place and then they never would have met. So really they should all be thanking me. But they're not. They're all blaming me."

"That's very nice, Addison, but I really need to get you to surgery. Karev, prep her for surgery."

"Yes, ma'am."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Alex was wheeling Addison to O.R. 2 when she spotted her soon to be ex-husband. "Ooh, look! It's McDreamy! Derek! Derek!" she yelled across the hall.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked as he walked up.

"She's got appendicitis and she's on morphine," Alex answered.

"Well, this should be fun," Derek commented, "What do you want Addison?"

"I'm over you. I just thought you'd like to know."

"You're over me huh? Then why are you still wearing your wedding rings?"

"Dude, leave her alone," Alex interjected.

"No, he wants to know why I'm still wearing my wedding rings, I'll tell him why. It's because I want to remind myself that I did the best I could, but it didn't work. Because even though I started the entire mess, you were the one who ended it. But you like your rings, so here, you can have them," she said, twisting the rings off her finger and handing them over. "You can give them to your girlfriend, although I doubt she'll appreciate the hand-me-downs."

She sounded so normal at that moment and she sounded like she meant every word that Derek stopped in his tracks. Alex laughed, "Dude, she got you good." And then he wheeled her off for surgery.

"Alex?" she asked when they were alone in the elevator.

"Yes?"

"Will you be there when I get out?"

"That depends. Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

"Then yes, I will be there."

"Good."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

The surgery went well and without a hitch. Alex went to scrub out and then wait in Addison's room.

Just as he was finishing scrubbing out Bailey walked in. "Nice job," she said curtly.

"Thank you. So I'm just going to go…"

"And where do you think you're going?"

"I think that I'm going to Add- Dr. Montgomery's room. She specifically asked for me to be there."

"Well, alright, but if I find out that you're just trying to avoid Sloane…"

"I'll be in the pit for the rest of the year, yeah, I know. Can I go?"

"Go ahead."

"Thanks."

Miranda rolled her eyes, "Nasty interns, can only think about getting into their attendings pants."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

True to his word, Alex was there when she woke up, the drugs worn off. "What are you doing here?" she asked when she saw him sitting in the chair beside her bed.

"You asked me to be here."

"I did? What else did I ask you for?"

"Ice chips."

"Oh."

"And for me to stop being so perfect."

"I said that?" She blushed.

"You did. You said some pretty interesting things, actually."

She looked down at her hands, "Where are my rings?"

"You gave them to Shepherd along with a pretty great speech about how you were over him and why you were still wearing your rings. And then you handed them over and said if he cared about them so much then he could give them to Meredith. It's really too bad that you don't remember the look on his face."

"Good. I was going to throw them away or something, I don't know. I never got around to it. I don't really remember anything. And anything I do remember is foggy. I remember crying."

"That was when you were telling me to stop being so perfect."

She looked a little frightened. "What else did I say?"

"Well, you told me to stop mocking you and that I could mock you when I could boast that I was the best neonatal surgeon in the whole wide world like you are now."

She blushed again. "Those were my words exactly?"

"Pretty much word for word. Except you included something about fellowships in long, medical sounding words that you couldn't remember at the moment."

She winced. "Anything else?"

"Some very interesting things about you wanting there to be an us."

Addison jumped at that. "Well, I was on drugs, you can't hold me accountable for what I was saying, I don't even remember saying it."

"You also told me not to believe a word of what you said when you were off drugs, because you have a tendency to lie about your feelings." He smiled, "You said that if I didn't stop being so perfect then you couldn't hate me and if you couldn't hate me then you'd have to admit that you like me. And that you'd get your hopes up and then I'd decide I didn't want you and then you'd be hurt and alone and broken. You've apparently thought this out very thoroughly."

Addison was getting redder with every word and eventually had to cover her face with a pillow. Alex got up and took the pillow away from her face. "I'm going to tell you what I've already told you, except you don't remember. I would never decide that I didn't want you. And I would never hurt you, not intentionally, not like Sloane and Shepherd did."

"Alex…"

"You also asked me one more thing."

"What? What did I do to utterly embarrass myself now?"

"You asked me to kiss you."

She covered her face with her hands, "I'm afraid to ask, but what did you say?"

"I said no." She breathed a sigh of relief. "And then you asked me why and I told you that you wouldn't remember it when the drugs wore off and I wanted you to remember. And then you asked if I would kiss you when the drugs wore off, and I said if you wanted me to. So I've got to know, do you want me to?"

Addison looked like a deer caught in a set of headlights, weighing in everything before everything. He was her intern. She was his superior. The divorce wasn't even finalized. But Derek had already moved on, he was already dating. He was happy. Why shouldn't she be too? But would kissing Alex make her happy? Um, yes, every part of her brain screamed. But it was complicated and could possibly damage her reputation. And people would think that she was just trying to get back at Derek, that because he had his intern, she needed one too. Which she didn't. She didn't want to be another on the list of the growing list of attendings sleeping with interns. But what did she want? It was a question that she had been asking herself for weeks and now the answer came to her. Alex. She wanted Alex.

"Yes."

So he leaned down and kissed her. And she kissed him back. "Addison?"

"Yeah."

"I'm off now, do you want to go on a date with me?"

"I can't get out of bed, Karev," she pointed out with a smile.

"I'll go run and get some food. That way you don't have to eat the crap the hospital gives you. Anything you want in particular?"

"A burger sounds really, really good right about now."

"You eat burgers?"

"Yes. Don't most people? Why does it surprise you that I eat burgers?"

"You always struck me as more of a lobster bisque and shrimp cocktail kind of girl."

"Just get me the damn burger."

"You get bossy when you're hungry."

"Yes, I've accepted this and moved on with my life, you should too. Preferably while you're going to get me a burger."

He laughed and kissed her again. "I'll be back."

"Don't forget fries! And a diet Coke," she yelled after him.

"I may be your date, but I'm not your slave. You could say please or I will forget the fries and your diet Coke," he called over his shoulder.

"Please!"

so do you want more or should i leave it here? i warn you any continuation would be total fluff but personally i like fluff when it's these two. if i get a couple people reviewing and telling me they want more then i'll write more.