Which You Should Never Be
A/N: So I really loved Amy and Rory. A ton. I was devastated, no beyond devastated to see them go. But I know that it was necessary, just like after seeing the Christmas special I feel as if it is essential for me to write this. I love Clara and so this tells the story of Clara and the doctor and their travels. It starts from before the Christmas special. I plan to update weekly. :)
Chapter One
He wished he had enough energy to be angry, to slam the door of the tardis as he walked into it. He wished he could scream in rage at the universe for taking away someone he cared about so much. Even worse for taking away two people he cared about.
But no, the doctor had no energy for that. Instead, after visiting the young, little Amelia Pond for the very last time, after telling her all about her future, of course, he could barely manage to shut the door and take the tardis away from her home for forever.
He was just so tired, so tired of eternity.
He fell on the floor near the tardis's control area and he just layed there. What was the point in living so long? Everyone just left or died and he was left with so much pain. He felt the overwhelming urge to give up and live out time alone, to his own pain and somewhat insanity.
"Raggedy Man." He put his hands over his ears as he heard those three words again. He closed his eyes as once again he saw her face turn towards him, her eyes crying as she said so hurriedly and forcefully. "Goodbye."
He didn't want to have to think that he screwed things up again! He couldn't take it. He could never save anyone he cared about. Ever.
"I'm so sorry." The Doctor muttered, tears filling his eyes as he sobbed, "Sorry for messing up your idea of me, Amelia. Sorry for not saving Rory or your daughter." He thought of River song, of her demise. He had no idea when that was to happen. When she was to go and he would have to practically lead her to her death.
Oh, it hurt so badly! The thought of Rose, who he'd left with pretty much himself. At least he hadn't screwed up AS badly on that one. She still had him, sort of, he supposed. He wondered, in some part of his mind, if he'd made the right decision. He didn't know if he had, and he would never know.
And then Martha, and Donna. Donna with so much of the world in her head, one she could never recall as long as she lived. And Martha because he could never love her in that way because he could never live for forever.
"Just stop! Please!" He cried out, as memories filled him of all his companions, all the time. He was tired of time, tired of so much.
Laying there, exhausted, and crying, he came to a decision, one he hoped so badly to stick by, knowing he and every human being were better off it he kept.
He decided to live alone until the day something would kill him permanently.