Greetings! This story was born when my friend Rainlight2427 and I had the weirdest conversation about tiny people and the Revolutionary war. Consequently, the two of us wrote up this chapter with a little help from her sister Catbludger3903. It's a tiny bit strange, but, oh well. Enjoy. And I also do not any part of Hamilton the musical :(
One Inch Tall
If you were only one inch tall, you'd ride a worm to school.
The teardrop of a crying ant would be your swimming pool.
A crumb of cake would be a feast
And last you seven days at least,
A flea would be a frightening beast
If you were one inch tall.
If you were only one inch tall, you'd walk beneath the door,
And it would take about a month to get down to the store.
A bit of fluff would be your bed,
You'd swing upon a spider's thread,
And wear a thimble on your head
If you were one inch tall.
You'd surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum.
You couldn't hug your mama, you'd just have to hug her thumb.
You'd run from people's feet in fright,
To move a pen would take all night,
(This poem took fourteen years to write-
'Cause I'm just one inch tall).
-Shel Silverstein
Have you ever been really short? If the answer is yes, multiply that experience by a thousand. Really. No, I'm not joking. Do it. Ready? Okay, now open your eyes and imagine living in that world.
If you have successfully accomplished this, you should see hordes of giant black stamping things. These are what are commonly known as shoes. See what I'm getting at? Being small is not a good thing. I'm talking to you, tall people who whine about how tall they are. The lack of height is not a fun experience. At all. So, ignore all those idiots who think they know what it's like and go on how great it is to be tiny. They're either tall and romanticizing everything, or they're lying.
Now, let me tell you of these tiny people (Person, really. She is one of a kind, as far as we know.)
1776
A tiny figure appeared at the edge of a small plant. Ida scrambled up the stalk of a flower. A wasp whisked by and she let out a little shriek and fell backwards.
"Oof!"
For her lack of size, she could make a lot of noise.
"No! Go away, you stupid, zippy bug! Don't you have someone else to scare?" The offending insect ignored her. She humphed.
Ida started forward, instantly tripped, and fell backwards.
"Aaah!"
She continued to fall through the air to the ground which seemed to be about eighteen inches away, a large distance if you are about two inches tall (which, in case you haven't noticed, she was).
There was another yell, this time, from someone else.
Uh-oh. No one had discovered her in all of the three days she had existed (Well, except that one time when a bunch of school children had found Ida playing, demanded a wish from "the fairy", and proceeded to shake the living daylights out of her. Needless to say, after Her ordeal, Ida wasn't particularly keen on fairies.).
"AAAAAARRRGHHH!"
It was a slightly masculine voice, Ida mused as she fell on his boot. Then she realized her situation and sat up, ready to make a run for it if the need arose. Suddenly, a hand swooped out of nowhere and Ida found herself flying up in the air a good few feet away from the ground. Trembling, Ida looked up into a freckled face that appeared to be connected to the hand that clutched her tightly.
"Wha...?" his mouth fell slightly open as he examined his prize. "What are you?"
Play dead, said a voice in her head.
Why? asked another. Maybe it's friendly...
The other voice scoffed. I'm sure you'll be telling that to yourself as it cooks you over a fire and seasons you with salt and pepper.
Seasoning? What's that?
Nothing you need to know, dummy!
Aren't we the same person?
Oh, shut up.
The other voice in her head recoiled slightly. That's not very nice!
Her captor interrupted her train of thought. "Are you...well...Are you a fairy?"
Oh no. Not again.
Ida carefully considered her answer. If truth be told, she had absolutely no idea what she was. No one else like her seemed to exist. Well, honesty was a good policy.
"I dunno."
He regarded her mournfully. "I don't suppose you know a good inn around here, do you?"
"Uhh...no?"
The boy sighed. "Well, I guess I could take you along," he said reluctantly, "but you need to be potty-trained. I am not taking along someone who needs help going to the bathroom."
Ida gaped indignantly. Of all the rude things! "Of course I'm potty-trained, you disgusting twit. Some people have no discretion." She muttered the last part to herself.
"I...I guess you're coming along, then."
"When did I agree to that?"
"Do you even have anywhere to go? I bet that you don't even have a home."
Ida gasped automatically. "I do, too! I live in the flowers."
"That cannot possibly count!"
"Does too!"
"Does not! And besides, you probably don't even have anybody to help you. You'll be stomped on or eaten by a rat or something if you keep living like this. Someone meaner than me might find you!"
Ida huffed. Rats were scary if they were bigger than you. "Oh, alright. But you need to tell me your name, first."
He flashed his most charming grin. "John Laurens, preferably in the place to be, with two—"
"Right," said Ida, cutting him off, "I am Beatrice Adelaide Louisa, long-lost princess of the fairy kingdom of Tir Nan Og, most delicate and wisest of all of the little peoples, hero of all lost little bunny rabbits."
John Laurens cocked an eyebrow at her. "Are you really?"
"Umm, yes?"
He pinned her with a glare.
"Fine! Mine name's Ida and you're a—a—a meanie!"
Laurens shrugged and stuck her in his pocket.
"HEY! Let me out! This is precisely why you've been judged a meanie!" Her tirade went on for about ten minutes, until he shushed her.
"You're gonna have to be quiet now, okay? We're getting close to the city."
"What city?"
Laurens thought fast. "It's a magical place called New York city. Unfortunately, it's also crawling with the most horrifying, rigid enforcers of the British government. They also resemble lobsters."
"They do?" asked Ida, understandably frightened by the image.
"Yep. They also carry gun-swords called bayonets. They are used to kill people right and left, because they listen to the king, the evil terrible king, who sits on a throne of lies and takes people's money, on purpose." He widened his eyes for emphasis.
"Is the king going to eat me?" she shivered slightly. "Is he a monster?"
"He might eat little girls, because you're right: he is a monster."
She gasped. "NO."
He nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, he would. That evil, son of a—"
A British officer cut him off by asking for his permit to the city, unknowingly saving a young girl from profanities.
The two entered the city. Ida was duly impressed by it size, and told him so.
Laurens only grinned and said, "Welcome to New York city."
So, what'd you think? Good? Bad? Leave it in the comments! One more thing: Rainlight2427 insisted on putting the Elf references in. I don't own those either...
If you are interested in more tiny-people stories, Catbludger3903 might post one in the Turn (a television show set also in the Revolutionary war about Washington's spies. It's actually really good.) fanfiction archive.
See ya!