If I could just have one last dance with you...
Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.
Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia.
Chapter One: Save the last dance for me
The tears were so far gone down Brian's face now that he could taste them. Bitter and cold.
Brian was vaguely aware of Michael rubbing the back of his neck, but right now he could barely register anything. In his head he was back there, dancing with Sunshine, kissing him, and then there was the bat...
Fresh tears escaped Brian's eyes as he remembered Justin smiling at him as he walked away, and in that moment, he had known why Debbie called him Sunshine, Brian couldn't believe that he'd never seen it before.
That's because you never looked. He told himself, and he was right, he never had. He'd looked at Justin as a hindrance above all else. The kid had annoyed him because he'd made him repeatedly break his one-fuck policy. And as Brian sat in the hospital with Justin's blood hanging around his neck; stained into the same object Brian had used earlier that night to try and take his own life, he realised that the kid could make him break another one of his rules.
No regrets.
What the fuck am I gonna do if he dies? Brian thought to himself. He knew he shouldn't have been thinking about it, and he also knew that Brian Kinney from a few hours ago would ask him why in the hell he cared about the twink anyway? But here and now, he didn't have time for all the bullshit he used to spew forth. He was wrong in the way he had treated Justin. The kid had truly loved him and Brian had thrown it back in his face. And Brian loved him, oh god yes, Brian loved him, and despite Brian's belief of telling it how it is, he suddenly began to realise that the only person he was lying to was himself. Brian winced as the memory of that bat colliding with Justin's fragile skull replayed in his mind. He would always remember that moment for the rest of his life for being to first time he had ever seen things clearly. Justin was beautiful, fuck, he was perfect. All Brian wanted to do was protect him and love him and be loved by him. And he would also remember that moment for being the most scared he had ever been in his life. In that split second, Brian didn't know if Justin was alive or dead, and seeing Justin's blood spilling out onto the cold concrete...he could have killed Chris Hobbs right there but his Sunshine needed him, and Brian never wanted to leave his side again.
Sitting here, he felt so empty, and nothing else mattered. He genuinely felt like if Justin didn't make it, Brian wouldn't be able to go on.
He'd have no reason to.
He couldn't believe he hadn't realise how Justin's smiles lit up his day, or how happy he'd been just to turn over in the morning and see his face. Even when they went to New York to find him, yes, it was partly because Brian was pissed about his credit card, but partly because he wanted to get his Sunshine back.
Please don't let him die, Brian silently begged to any God that might be listening. I have so much to tell you, Sunshine, so much to give you, and you have so much life left inside of you. Brian wasn't about to let Justin's heart be stolen away from him, but he couldn't control the higher powers. No matter how much he tried. For Christ's sake, Justin, all you wanted was for me to come to your prom; you could have had anything else! I would have given you anything else!
"This is all my fault." Brian whispered softly.
"This is not your fault." Said Michael. "He wanted you at his prom, no one could have predicted what happened, and..." Michael took a deep breath to stop his lip from trembling. "...even if he does...go...you gave him the thing he wanted most, you showed him you loved him-" Michael stroked down the side of Brian's neck affectionately, "-it's all he wanted in his life."
This could be Sunshine's last dance, thought Brian, breaking down into tears, and he saved it for me.