Disclaimer: I don't own newsies or Patrick Bateman, I just like to merge them into one and make them fall in love with other men (joke…) don't sue me, I'll set Denton on you if you do (that's my hamster…joke again…) plus I'll soak ya, you bigshots! Hmph!
Chapter one
"I KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE…"
Or at least I think I did, I'm not sure what's true now…It all started a long time ago
~1882~
~New York City~
"Argh, I think it's cominggggggggggggg," cried Gertrude Bateman, she then said something unrepeatable in the realms of fanfic and collapsed on a strategically placed bed.
"What the 'eck are you going on about woman?!" came the cry of a male from the other room
"THE BABY, IT'S COMING!"
At this point, the man-who was also incidentally the father of the baby-did what any responsible, caring, considerate, masculine, soon-to-be-father would do-he delivered the baby
~Thalia (the author…) interupts~
Who are you trying to kid? *Whispers to reader* actually he collapsed on the floor…
~And back to the narrator~
Okay, so a nice lady from next door delivered the baby then revived the father who took one look at it and promptly collapsed again
Anyway, once they had managed to get the guy stable they decided amongst themselves to call the baby Patrick, Patrick Bateman…
Patrick grew up as a lovely boy, he was very good lookin' and *sings in annoying voice* Thalia has a crush on him ((Thalia slaps narrator)) ouch! He spent lots of time wondering aimlessly around New York city, driving people insane by saying repeatedly "I am not really there!" cause he thought it was funny to see the looks on their faces because he was very annoying. ((And ya wonder why Les idolises him.)) Well one day he met another kid called Spot Conlon, who was about 5 at the time, just younger than Patrick. He had no mother or father, he just spent all day trying to sell papers and make people afraid of him, but Patrick wasn't scared of him, Patrick used to laugh when Spot said that one day everyone would run away from him in terror cause he'd be so powerful. Well one day Spot got sick of Patrick laughing at him cause it really hurt his ego so he decided to get rid of this kid who though he was so great that he could challenge the all powerful leadah of the annoying-little-brat society. You see, Spot had one or two tricks up his sleeve, okay, he had one trick, a magic whopping stick, everyone thought it was just a normal cane, but NO! He could do whatever he wanted with this stick! So the very next day, when he met up with Patrick, he whopped him round the head with the stick, and with a massive cheesy-film-noise Patrick turned into a chicken… (Thalia: but Boots is the only Newsie-chicken, that wouldn't be right)
"Dangit" said Spot, his magic was not very good yet…He tried again, he hit the chicken over the head again and it disappeared. Spot smiled in a very nasty way and did a big Hollywood-style evil cackle, little did he know that he had transported Patrick to right behind him. Patrick grabbed the whopping stick and hit Spot, who had his growth permanently stunted as a result, then Spot got hold of it and hit him again, this time it worked and Patrick disappeared properly. Spot sat down and smiled contentedly, little did he know that he was now doomed never to reach beyond five foot three inches tall.
Chapter one
"I KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE…"
Or at least I think I did, I'm not sure what's true now…It all started a long time ago
~1882~
~New York City~
"Argh, I think it's cominggggggggggggg," cried Gertrude Bateman, she then said something unrepeatable in the realms of fanfic and collapsed on a strategically placed bed.
"What the 'eck are you going on about woman?!" came the cry of a male from the other room
"THE BABY, IT'S COMING!"
At this point, the man-who was also incidentally the father of the baby-did what any responsible, caring, considerate, masculine, soon-to-be-father would do-he delivered the baby
~Thalia (the author…) interupts~
Who are you trying to kid? *Whispers to reader* actually he collapsed on the floor…
~And back to the narrator~
Okay, so a nice lady from next door delivered the baby then revived the father who took one look at it and promptly collapsed again
Anyway, once they had managed to get the guy stable they decided amongst themselves to call the baby Patrick, Patrick Bateman…
Patrick grew up as a lovely boy, he was very good lookin' and *sings in annoying voice* Thalia has a crush on him ((Thalia slaps narrator)) ouch! He spent lots of time wondering aimlessly around New York city, driving people insane by saying repeatedly "I am not really there!" cause he thought it was funny to see the looks on their faces because he was very annoying. ((And ya wonder why Les idolises him.)) Well one day he met another kid called Spot Conlon, who was about 5 at the time, just younger than Patrick. He had no mother or father, he just spent all day trying to sell papers and make people afraid of him, but Patrick wasn't scared of him, Patrick used to laugh when Spot said that one day everyone would run away from him in terror cause he'd be so powerful. Well one day Spot got sick of Patrick laughing at him cause it really hurt his ego so he decided to get rid of this kid who though he was so great that he could challenge the all powerful leadah of the annoying-little-brat society. You see, Spot had one or two tricks up his sleeve, okay, he had one trick, a magic whopping stick, everyone thought it was just a normal cane, but NO! He could do whatever he wanted with this stick! So the very next day, when he met up with Patrick, he whopped him round the head with the stick, and with a massive cheesy-film-noise Patrick turned into a chicken… (Thalia: but Boots is the only Newsie-chicken, that wouldn't be right)
"Dangit" said Spot, his magic was not very good yet…He tried again, he hit the chicken over the head again and it disappeared. Spot smiled in a very nasty way and did a big Hollywood-style evil cackle, little did he know that he had transported Patrick to right behind him. Patrick grabbed the whopping stick and hit Spot, who had his growth permanently stunted as a result, then Spot got hold of it and hit him again, this time it worked and Patrick disappeared properly. Spot sat down and smiled contentedly, little did he know that he was now doomed never to reach beyond five foot three inches tall.