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A fanfic by little red
Author's Note: While reading "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", I realized that in Chapter 21 on page 457, Cho Chang and Harry Potter share a kiss which evidently took a half an hour to accomplish. If you don't believe me, go and re-read that page. It specifically says, "He returned to the common room half an hour later to find..." yada yada yada and so on. Well, I have compiled a number of scenarios that had taken up a half-hour time slot in the story. I know for a fact that snogging, or just kissing for that matter, doesn't take a half an hour, unless you're just really bent on it, or your boyfriend is prude and that's all he wants to do. Or if you're in a romance comedy and it takes a half an hour to do that spinning motion with the camera. But other then that, there is no way that Harry and Cho were kissing under some nargle-infested mistletoe for a half an hour. I have also taken into consideration that it takes a while to walk from one part of the castle to another, but this is too damn fun. By the way, each scenario is going to start with Harry and Cho having the same conversation from the book.
Disclaimer- I, such as a hobo, own nothing. But J.K. Rowling does, in fact she owns every character in this fanfic. She also owns the first part of my scenarios
Scenario 1: The mushy-romantic-sexy one
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
(This is my part now)
Cho pressed her lips against Harry's. It wasn't what Harry had thought. Instead of all romantic and Christmas-y and all that jazz, it was quite awkward. And wet. That silly cow had just been crying over her dead boyfriend, and now she was kissing someone else.
Cho pulled away quickly though. She was thinking the same things. She was torn between that hunk of burning love in front of her and that dead rotting corpse from her past. But just as she pulled away, Harry kissed her back. Okay, so maybe that dead rotting corpse could wait. Cho was feeling that tingly warm girly sensation that told her "Girlfriend! Cedric is SO dead! You've got one steamy love scene ahead of you. Go for it!"
Cho pushed Harry onto one of those red satin cushions that the room was littered with. (Harry and the gang have good taste!) Cho made a sexy growling noise.
"Oh dear Lord" thought Harry. He had just been growled at in a sexy provocative way and that whole tingly warm sensation that was all over his body was now focused on one area.
Harry was ready to get it on.
Cho was ready to get it on.
They then proceeded to get it on.
Needless to say, it was really good.
And it all happened in a half an hour. (Unlikely? Well, I've got a broad imagination, so I made it happen)
END SCENARIO 1
Scenario 2: The disturbing-pleading-favor one
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
Cho kissed Harry ever so lightly on the lips. It was a sweet gesture but Harry couldn't go on with it. He had someone else on his mind. But Cho had pulled away very quickly and began to cry again. Harry patted her on the back and Cho began to sob on his shoulder.
"I think I should go Harry," said Cho. "I'm so sorry. I can't do this so soon"
And with a ruffle of robes, Cho was gone. Harry felt disappointed, but he needed to see someone else immediately.
Harry ran down the corridors to the all too familiar office of Professor Umbridge. She was sitting at her desk wearing that horrid fluffy pink cardigan. She looked up, surprised to see him.
"Mr. Potter, I'm flattered, but you don't have a detention tonight. Although, you've had so many, I can see why you're confused. Your ban from the Quidditch team didn't include a detention with me." said Umbridge in her sugary placid voice.
"I know professor. It's just that I wanted to tell you that..Erm..That I'm prepared to do anything to get on the team again. Anything." said Harry.
"Anything?"
"Anything." said Harry defiantly. He would write lines in his own blood again. He would permanently clean Umbridge's office. He would even clean ever single cardigan she owned. He needed Quidditch. It was his heroin. And if he didn't get it back, he was probably going to start heroin as well.
"Well, Mr. Potter," said Umbridge in a deeper unnatural voice. "There is something you could do for me"
Umbridge whispered something in Harry's ear. He didn't even think she would request a sexual favor. But if it meant getting onto the Quidditch team, he was ready to do what she asked.
(A/N- I'm not going to say what that favor is exactly. I will leave it up to you, the reader, to think of something on your own. It can include anything from whips to handcuffs. It is in your hands.)
After [your sexual favor here], Harry started on his way to the common room. Only 20 minutes ago he was kissing Cho Chang, and now he just got finished doing [your sexual favor here]. But he was back on the team!
END SCENARIO 2
Scenario 3: The fluffy-bath-kitty one
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
Harry knew that Cho wanted a kiss. Harry couldn't help but think of something different as he pushed his lips onto Chos' pouting shivering mouth. Harry knew Cho enjoyed it, especially after she stuck her tongue in his mouth. He wasn't expecting that. But as soon as it happened, it ended. And Cho had tears streaking down her face again. She looked at Harry longingly, but Harry knew that Cho was still thinking about Cedric. He couldn't blame her. Cedric was a fine piece of ass.
"I have to leave Harry. I really do like you, and that was great, but I'm not ready to move on." said Cho.
"It's okay. This should be about you, and how you feel. But I'll be here when you are ready." said Harry.
'Why does he have to be so wonderful?' thought Cho. She left in a skirmish. She had to get back to her bedroom and have erotic dreams including both Harry and Cedric.
Harry on the other hand, was left in the Room of Requirement. He pulled out the Marauder's Map and found the little dot named "Mrs. Norris". She was lurking on the forth floor. He ran out of the room, all the time looking at his map to make sure Mrs. Norris wasn't going anywhere. He finally arrived to the hallway where Mrs. Norris was laying.
Harry eyed her, and he could feel Mrs. Norris scan his body. She was just about to run to Filch when Harry muttered something to her.
"I've been wanting to do this for a long time, Mrs. Norris."
Harry then jumped halfway down the hall and landed his hands on Mrs. Norris's body. He picked her up and began to say in a baby voice,
"Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!"
Harry had always loved cats, and now he finally had that oh-so adorable Mrs. Norris in his hands.
"Kitty want a bath? Kitty want a bath?"
Mrs. Norris didn't respond. Well, of course she didn't, she's a cat. But Harry began to lick her fur. He was giving what cats refer to as a bath. After 20 minutes of licking and 9 hairballs later, Harry returned to the common room. He wasn't going to tell Ron or Hermione about his run in with Mrs. Norris. He would tell them that he was talking to Cho after their snogging. But just about everyone would notice Mrs. Norris's gleaming coat
END SCENARIO 3
Okay guys, last scenario.
Scenario 4: The oldie-bearded-gross one (don't let the name scare you.)
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
Cho leaned slightly into Harry's body. Harry was considerably taller then her, so she stood on her toes and pressed her lips onto Harry's. Harry welcomed this graciously and kissed her back. They began to do what my dad calls "necking". Or what the English call "snogging". But Cho couldn't stand it anymore. Harry had awful breath, so she pulled away and muttered something about needing to change her tampon and left in a scuffle.
'Okay' thought Harry. He needed to waste 20 or so minutes before he could go back to the common room so he could tell Ron that he nailed Cho Chang and so Ron could tell the whole school, and end up making Cho feel like a cheap whore. At least that's what they do in my school.
Harry decided to go visit Dumbledore. He needed to ask him some questions. Like "Why are you being such an ass and not telling me anything?" and "How much ya bench?" and of course "How many girls have you shagged?" You know, guy stuff. Harry got to Dumbledore's office and began reeling off the names of candies until he got the password right.
"Cockroach Cluster..Lemon Drop..erm...Bertie Botts..uhh.Candy Condoms.."
The gargoyle who guarded Dumbledore's office jumped to the side to the phrase "Candy Condoms".
"That Dumbledore" said Harry. He then bit his finger in a Shirley Temple- esque type way.
Harry took the stairs up to the office where Dumbledore greeted him courteously. Dumbledore took Harry to the side. Dumbledore brought Harry to a big cushiony chair and sat down.
"You can sit on my knee little boy! Tell Santa exactly what you want for Christmas!" said Dumbledore.
"Umm, professor? I'd rather not play 'Sexy Santa' this time." said Harry.
"But I love that game! How about Dick Tracy: Sexy Eye? Or Sexy Cop and Dirty Robber? Please?" beseeched Dumbledore.
"Listen Albus! I need to know why you're ignoring me?" said Harry
"I'm feeling, I don't know! Suffocated!"
"You're just in it for the sex aren't you?" said Harry
"No, schnookums! I love you"
" Then maybe you shouldn't keep secrets from me! Why wont you tell me about Voldemort? I know that you used to go out with him, but I'm not interested in your old boy slaves! I just want to stop him from killing everyone!" said Harry
"Oh, you're right. You're always right. I should be open about my past." whimpered Dumbledore.
"Oh look Alby. Mistletoe" said Harry 'Hmmm. Déjà vu!' he thought.
He and Dumbledore did some lip locking and began to delve into those deep relationship solidifying conversations that always end in cuddling.
"We'll play 'Sexy Santa' later" said Harry.
END SCENARIO 4
A/N- Well, didja like? Review to let me know! I love you all! Wait.not you. But the rest of you are okay. If you liked this story, check out 'Harry Potter and the Mission of Life (version 2.0)'. It was on the site like a week and a half ago, but the site deleted it because it was rated pg-13 but should have been R. So if you enjoy R-rated things, check it out. You can review that one too. Thanks
-little red
A fanfic by little red
Author's Note: While reading "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", I realized that in Chapter 21 on page 457, Cho Chang and Harry Potter share a kiss which evidently took a half an hour to accomplish. If you don't believe me, go and re-read that page. It specifically says, "He returned to the common room half an hour later to find..." yada yada yada and so on. Well, I have compiled a number of scenarios that had taken up a half-hour time slot in the story. I know for a fact that snogging, or just kissing for that matter, doesn't take a half an hour, unless you're just really bent on it, or your boyfriend is prude and that's all he wants to do. Or if you're in a romance comedy and it takes a half an hour to do that spinning motion with the camera. But other then that, there is no way that Harry and Cho were kissing under some nargle-infested mistletoe for a half an hour. I have also taken into consideration that it takes a while to walk from one part of the castle to another, but this is too damn fun. By the way, each scenario is going to start with Harry and Cho having the same conversation from the book.
Disclaimer- I, such as a hobo, own nothing. But J.K. Rowling does, in fact she owns every character in this fanfic. She also owns the first part of my scenarios
Scenario 1: The mushy-romantic-sexy one
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
(This is my part now)
Cho pressed her lips against Harry's. It wasn't what Harry had thought. Instead of all romantic and Christmas-y and all that jazz, it was quite awkward. And wet. That silly cow had just been crying over her dead boyfriend, and now she was kissing someone else.
Cho pulled away quickly though. She was thinking the same things. She was torn between that hunk of burning love in front of her and that dead rotting corpse from her past. But just as she pulled away, Harry kissed her back. Okay, so maybe that dead rotting corpse could wait. Cho was feeling that tingly warm girly sensation that told her "Girlfriend! Cedric is SO dead! You've got one steamy love scene ahead of you. Go for it!"
Cho pushed Harry onto one of those red satin cushions that the room was littered with. (Harry and the gang have good taste!) Cho made a sexy growling noise.
"Oh dear Lord" thought Harry. He had just been growled at in a sexy provocative way and that whole tingly warm sensation that was all over his body was now focused on one area.
Harry was ready to get it on.
Cho was ready to get it on.
They then proceeded to get it on.
Needless to say, it was really good.
And it all happened in a half an hour. (Unlikely? Well, I've got a broad imagination, so I made it happen)
END SCENARIO 1
Scenario 2: The disturbing-pleading-favor one
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
Cho kissed Harry ever so lightly on the lips. It was a sweet gesture but Harry couldn't go on with it. He had someone else on his mind. But Cho had pulled away very quickly and began to cry again. Harry patted her on the back and Cho began to sob on his shoulder.
"I think I should go Harry," said Cho. "I'm so sorry. I can't do this so soon"
And with a ruffle of robes, Cho was gone. Harry felt disappointed, but he needed to see someone else immediately.
Harry ran down the corridors to the all too familiar office of Professor Umbridge. She was sitting at her desk wearing that horrid fluffy pink cardigan. She looked up, surprised to see him.
"Mr. Potter, I'm flattered, but you don't have a detention tonight. Although, you've had so many, I can see why you're confused. Your ban from the Quidditch team didn't include a detention with me." said Umbridge in her sugary placid voice.
"I know professor. It's just that I wanted to tell you that..Erm..That I'm prepared to do anything to get on the team again. Anything." said Harry.
"Anything?"
"Anything." said Harry defiantly. He would write lines in his own blood again. He would permanently clean Umbridge's office. He would even clean ever single cardigan she owned. He needed Quidditch. It was his heroin. And if he didn't get it back, he was probably going to start heroin as well.
"Well, Mr. Potter," said Umbridge in a deeper unnatural voice. "There is something you could do for me"
Umbridge whispered something in Harry's ear. He didn't even think she would request a sexual favor. But if it meant getting onto the Quidditch team, he was ready to do what she asked.
(A/N- I'm not going to say what that favor is exactly. I will leave it up to you, the reader, to think of something on your own. It can include anything from whips to handcuffs. It is in your hands.)
After [your sexual favor here], Harry started on his way to the common room. Only 20 minutes ago he was kissing Cho Chang, and now he just got finished doing [your sexual favor here]. But he was back on the team!
END SCENARIO 2
Scenario 3: The fluffy-bath-kitty one
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
Harry knew that Cho wanted a kiss. Harry couldn't help but think of something different as he pushed his lips onto Chos' pouting shivering mouth. Harry knew Cho enjoyed it, especially after she stuck her tongue in his mouth. He wasn't expecting that. But as soon as it happened, it ended. And Cho had tears streaking down her face again. She looked at Harry longingly, but Harry knew that Cho was still thinking about Cedric. He couldn't blame her. Cedric was a fine piece of ass.
"I have to leave Harry. I really do like you, and that was great, but I'm not ready to move on." said Cho.
"It's okay. This should be about you, and how you feel. But I'll be here when you are ready." said Harry.
'Why does he have to be so wonderful?' thought Cho. She left in a skirmish. She had to get back to her bedroom and have erotic dreams including both Harry and Cedric.
Harry on the other hand, was left in the Room of Requirement. He pulled out the Marauder's Map and found the little dot named "Mrs. Norris". She was lurking on the forth floor. He ran out of the room, all the time looking at his map to make sure Mrs. Norris wasn't going anywhere. He finally arrived to the hallway where Mrs. Norris was laying.
Harry eyed her, and he could feel Mrs. Norris scan his body. She was just about to run to Filch when Harry muttered something to her.
"I've been wanting to do this for a long time, Mrs. Norris."
Harry then jumped halfway down the hall and landed his hands on Mrs. Norris's body. He picked her up and began to say in a baby voice,
"Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!"
Harry had always loved cats, and now he finally had that oh-so adorable Mrs. Norris in his hands.
"Kitty want a bath? Kitty want a bath?"
Mrs. Norris didn't respond. Well, of course she didn't, she's a cat. But Harry began to lick her fur. He was giving what cats refer to as a bath. After 20 minutes of licking and 9 hairballs later, Harry returned to the common room. He wasn't going to tell Ron or Hermione about his run in with Mrs. Norris. He would tell them that he was talking to Cho after their snogging. But just about everyone would notice Mrs. Norris's gleaming coat
END SCENARIO 3
Okay guys, last scenario.
Scenario 4: The oldie-bearded-gross one (don't let the name scare you.)
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"
"What are nargles?"
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.
"I really like you Harry"
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .
Cho leaned slightly into Harry's body. Harry was considerably taller then her, so she stood on her toes and pressed her lips onto Harry's. Harry welcomed this graciously and kissed her back. They began to do what my dad calls "necking". Or what the English call "snogging". But Cho couldn't stand it anymore. Harry had awful breath, so she pulled away and muttered something about needing to change her tampon and left in a scuffle.
'Okay' thought Harry. He needed to waste 20 or so minutes before he could go back to the common room so he could tell Ron that he nailed Cho Chang and so Ron could tell the whole school, and end up making Cho feel like a cheap whore. At least that's what they do in my school.
Harry decided to go visit Dumbledore. He needed to ask him some questions. Like "Why are you being such an ass and not telling me anything?" and "How much ya bench?" and of course "How many girls have you shagged?" You know, guy stuff. Harry got to Dumbledore's office and began reeling off the names of candies until he got the password right.
"Cockroach Cluster..Lemon Drop..erm...Bertie Botts..uhh.Candy Condoms.."
The gargoyle who guarded Dumbledore's office jumped to the side to the phrase "Candy Condoms".
"That Dumbledore" said Harry. He then bit his finger in a Shirley Temple- esque type way.
Harry took the stairs up to the office where Dumbledore greeted him courteously. Dumbledore took Harry to the side. Dumbledore brought Harry to a big cushiony chair and sat down.
"You can sit on my knee little boy! Tell Santa exactly what you want for Christmas!" said Dumbledore.
"Umm, professor? I'd rather not play 'Sexy Santa' this time." said Harry.
"But I love that game! How about Dick Tracy: Sexy Eye? Or Sexy Cop and Dirty Robber? Please?" beseeched Dumbledore.
"Listen Albus! I need to know why you're ignoring me?" said Harry
"I'm feeling, I don't know! Suffocated!"
"You're just in it for the sex aren't you?" said Harry
"No, schnookums! I love you"
" Then maybe you shouldn't keep secrets from me! Why wont you tell me about Voldemort? I know that you used to go out with him, but I'm not interested in your old boy slaves! I just want to stop him from killing everyone!" said Harry
"Oh, you're right. You're always right. I should be open about my past." whimpered Dumbledore.
"Oh look Alby. Mistletoe" said Harry 'Hmmm. Déjà vu!' he thought.
He and Dumbledore did some lip locking and began to delve into those deep relationship solidifying conversations that always end in cuddling.
"We'll play 'Sexy Santa' later" said Harry.
END SCENARIO 4
A/N- Well, didja like? Review to let me know! I love you all! Wait.not you. But the rest of you are okay. If you liked this story, check out 'Harry Potter and the Mission of Life (version 2.0)'. It was on the site like a week and a half ago, but the site deleted it because it was rated pg-13 but should have been R. So if you enjoy R-rated things, check it out. You can review that one too. Thanks
-little red