A/N: I was first going to base this on Akane's DN game, Poisoned, but I changed my mind and the story went it's own way. Many ideas were ones I came up with on my own, but I will not claim the idea of Near and Mello's project. I will not steal and I give full credit for the project idea to Akane. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and please check out Akane's game at . Review!
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or any of its characters. I also do not own the idea of Mello and Near's project. That idea was made by Akane at cursedmoons.
Blood. One of the most famous signs of pain, but not the worst, no. Pain can come from deep within you; it can tear you until you have nothing else. It can poison your heart and get you addicted to something…way more than you should be. I'd experienced anger to such an extent, but never pain. Not until I found myself on the cold common room floor, right next to him. Near. And he just smiles and looks into my eyes. "I trust you," he says before closing his eyes. I knew I wouldn't see them open again soon. Or perhaps never, but I had hopes.
I don't know how this situation came to be, but I never planned on this. How I failed L, and failed everyone around me. I just wish I knew what I'd done…
Flashback: Day 1.
"I cannot believe Roger is so absentminded. Near and I could never get along, especially not for a project!" I'd told Matt as we lounged in my room. I bet he had millions of things to say, but I only cared about myself.
He managed to calm me down, which most of the orphanage kids said was impossible. Matt, my little pet, had managed. He smiled reassuringly and said, "Just ignore him. It's only three days, right?"
I nodded. Three days could seem like years when working with my rival, but perhaps there was a reason we were assigned to do the project in the first place. It had to be L, I'd assumed. Who else would do such a thing as pair Near and I together?
As much as I hated to do so, I followed Near to the library that morning and got straight to work. He always talked about his opinions, and no one else mattered. His eyes always seemed to show no emotion. There was really nothing interesting about him, but I decided to listen to what he had to say. He was younger, so whatever way you put it, he had no advantage over me. He talked for about an hour about our project's topic, Poison, before letting me have a go.
"Is there anything you'd like to add, Mello?"
I'd said what he had written was fine and we left the library for the day. Roger was impressed with our work so far but refused to tell us how we were doing. I hated it, but Near didn't seem to care. I wondered around for a bit and had lunch before finding myself at the door to Roger's office. He was obviously about to leave the room, but strode back to his chair and waited for me to join him at his desk.
"Ah, Mello," he said, "Is there anything you needed?"
"Oh…uh no, Roger, I was just looking for Near."
"Near?" he said, almost surprised. "I haven't seen him. But I see you are coming to an understanding?"
"Roger, NO. Don't act like you think I'm his friend or something. I'm not and I never will be."
Roger nodded and gathered his papers. "I must be going now. Do you need anything else?"
I nodded and left his office. How could he possible thing my rival and I could ever become friends? I gave up trying to understand him and returned to the library. I was thinking of checking out a book at the time and would have had Linda not interrupted me. She was as annoying as usual. I didn't talk to her much, but she seemed to be interested in my life since my project with Near began. I thought she was a bit nosy, but that may not have always been the case. Maybe she was just born that way.
"Mello!" she squealed, as high-pitched as usual.
I grunted, just enough to make her think I was listening. Then she continued.
"I've been looking all over for you. So how's the project with Near coming along?"
"Fine."
"So…you're becoming friends," she said, her curiosity driving me up the walls.
"No. If I'd been given the choice to work with him, I wouldn't, but it wasn't my choice."
"O-okay, Mello, I was just asking! Anyway, you better not do anything to Near or you'll be in BIG trouble!"
"That is," I replied, "if Roger finds out. Which, if I'm sly, he won't."
"Mell-oo!" she whined, "I'll tell Roger if you do anything, because Near would tell me!"
I raised my eyebrow, but only found the words to say, "God, you baby, I won't do anything to him."
She stormed off the way she usually did and I continued my search for a book. After about an hour of searching I found one, dusty and kept on the highest shelf. I knew at that moment that it must have been something Matt had read and liked. He read little and hid the books he liked. We usually liked the same style, so I gave this book a try. Afterwards I took the book to my room and left it on my pillow. I'd probably get some reading done when night came, but it wasn't time for sleeping yet. For now, I'd go down to the common room and see what that pest Near was doing. He could always be found in the common room, likely to be playing his puzzles also. I found him there, as I'd predicted to, playing his puzzle.
I gave a simple "hey" which seemed to catch his attention. He laid the puzzle piece he'd been holding aside and turned to face me. I hated him staring up at me, so I sat on the cold floor next to him.
"What brought you here?" he asked, a small grin covering his face.
"I just thought we could talk," I replied, barely giving it any thought.
Near's grin grew wider and he said, "Mello wants to talk to me?"
I gave up trying to explain my purpose and left him to his puzzle. If he wasn't going to understand that I was talking to him for the project, there was no point in talking to stupid Near at all. Once outside the common room, I decided to go outside. I found the boys there, playing soccer as usual. Each was covered in mud. They seemed to have dragged Matt outside, though he was more focused on his game than thiers. It was 'child's play' in his eyes.
As I got closer, one boy called out to me. They seemed to need someone to fill in for one of their players, so I decided to give it a go. Perhaps it would be fun. I spent the whole afternoon playing with them before we all finally went inside to eat dinner. Afterwards, I found myself in my room again. Since I had nothing else to do, I spent the time reading the book I'd checked out. From what I'd read, it seemed like Matt all the way.
After a while reading, I got the urge to pay Near a visit. I don't know what it was that made me want to see him, but I went ahead. His room was empty, which I found strange for this time of night. He was usually studying in his room by now. I planned on staying and waiting for him, but I heard faint voices through Near's bedroom window and had to follow them.
Outside, I hid behind a large tree and waited.
"Near is so amazing," one said.
"I wish I was as smart as him!" said another.
I was ignoring the conversation until my name was brought into it.
"Or being like Mello would be fine. Just to know I'm second. But all he cares about is beating Near!"
The boys' conversation was rather boring and I was happy when they left. To think I'd played with them earlier that day. It was true that I wanted to become better than Near, but they didn't have to act like I was that obsessed.
After I was sure they were gone, I went to the library again. I decided I'd need to check out a book. Perhaps I could get some new ideas from it. With it I went to Roger's office. He knew before I said anything that I was looking for Near. He told me he hadn't seen him and that it would be best to check his room. I did as he said and walked to Near's room in silence. I was surprised to find that he answered when I knocked at the door. He allowed me to share my ideas for the project with him. I must have been there for about an hour, but he was content with my presence. I apologized for keeping him up(which I never believed I'd do), but he said he'd enjoyed it.
"Enjoyed?"
"You had some very good ideas and I think you are taking this project very seriously."
At that moment, I felt like an equal. An equal to Near…
I finally gathered my books and left his room. I felt rather happy as I walked out. An equal seemed like a nice thing at the moment. I wouldn't mind, had we both been number one, and Near let me feel what number one was like.
When I returned to my room, my pet Matt was there. He had a few questions to ask and wouldn't let me sleep until I answered all of them. He asked if Near and I were becoming friends, and truth be told, I thought we were. So I answered him, "More or less…"
I was finally free of Matt and let myself sleep, almost enjoying it.
-
Flashback: Day 2.
I woke in the morning, still as tired as I'd been the night before.
"Sleep does nothing for me," I thought to myself.
I decided to go to Near's room first that morning, instead of having to wait for him. We decided to go together. We were both comfortable with walking to the library together…it was a miracle, on my part, mostly. The time spent in the library went the same as the day before, until Near began suggesting we poison ourselves. I wasn't up for the idea to begin with, but I finally gave in when he promised to poison himself also.
When our work was done for the day, we headed for Roger's office. Roger's office is near the entrance to the orphanage, which wouldn't help what came next. Children must have been playing hard outside, because they came in, manifesting their hype. Each one ran our direction, missing me, but Near wasn't so lucky. He began to fall backwards, and I would have let him fall, but something in me made me catch him. His eyes lit up when I did so and he thanked me in such a way I'd never seen him do before. It was kind of cute until he ruined the moment.
"Uhr, Mello…you can let go of me now…"
I blushed and released him. Sometimes he made me sick.
"I could have let you fall, you know," I said, smirking.
"But you didn't," he replied, and I could almost see his happiness in his eyes. "Thank you," he said again.
"I just didn't want to have a handicap partner," I replied, snickering.
In Roger's office, we received the usual, "you did a fine job today" talk before we left once more. I wasted some time before going on another search for Near. The first place I thought to check was his room. I had no luck finding him there. As much as I wanted to take a look in his closet, I decided against it and left his room. It was no use seeming like a stalker, and I'd hate to be caught in a weird situation had someone came in. As I was leaving, the door flew open, Roger being the one entering.
His eyes grew wide but he said anyway, "Oh, Mello. I was just looking for Near. Same from you, I suppose?"
"Yes, Roger," I replied, though that wasn't exactly the case.
"Well, since I haven't found him, I'll be leaving."
After he left, I remembered that I had something I needed to discuss with him and walked to his office.
"Roger, can you tell me anything about our project yet?"
"I'm sorry Mello. I can't. We have to look over it when it is complete," he said.
"We?"
"Yes, myself and a few of the other teachers."
I nodded and said I was fine with that and left. Could the "teacher" he was talking about really be a cover up for L? It had to be L, it had to.
The next place I headed for was the library. I found Matt there, and apparently he had extra homework that evening. He whined about the teacher saying he didn't work hard enough. With all the video-game-playing he did, I could see why.
"I think number three should work harder too," I added seriously.
"Yes. But don't you ever get off track?"
"Not that I recall, Matty. Get to work. You need to impress your teacher as much as you possibly can!"
At first, I thought about Near when he asked. Why did I think about Near?
The thought filled my head and refused to leave. In the past few days, yes, Near had gotten me off track, but did that mean he was too much for me to take? When I'd almost had enough of Near, I decided to go outside. Something to get my mind off of Near would be there, surely. When I was a few feet from the door I saw him, crouched on the floor in a tight ball. I stopped next to him and frowned.
Near looked up, his expression in no way different than it usually was, but in his eyes he looked lonely.
"Would you like to come play with me?" I asked, offering my hand to help him get up.
"No thanks," he said, "I don't really like going outdoors."
I helped him up before leaving him to join the soccer match. It kind of took my mind off of the project and Matt was a rather good teammate today. My team won every game, as usual, though I didn't brag. The boys already despised me enough, so it wouldn't help to give them another reason.
After the game, I found myself inside again. I went to Near's room to make sure he was okay. After all, he'd been acting strange earlier.
It was dark by now, and I expected Near would be in his room, but like the night before he wasn't there. Since I knew I wouldn't find him any time soon, I decided to go outside for some fresh air. The air was fresh until Linda appeared. She was as whiney as usual, and no less annoying, but there was nothing I could say to make her leave.
"Could you tell me anything about Near?" she asked.
"Do you like him or something?" I said. I meant it as a joke, but she took it seriously.
"Or something!" she yelled, blushing.
I raised an eyebrow, "You like Near?"
She made me promise not to tell, though she was the loudmouth of everything.
"I promise, I promise," I said, "but I'm going to bed."
She nodded and I went inside. Some rest would have been nice a long time ago, but I'd have to make due with whatever time I had left to sleep. A few minutes and I was up again…
Rain was pouring against my window now, and the first thing I did was take a look through the glass. Something white, pale, was standing in the distance. My first thought was a very supernatural one. I could have sworn it was the ghost of A, one of the orphans who died here. Then I remembered who else is always white. Near. Why would he be outside…this late at night…or at all? My curiosity took over and I went to find out.
The rain was pouring harder when I finally found Near.
"What are you doing out here? Are you crazy? You'll get sick!"
"You care?" Near said, "I just wanted to feel the rain. I don't get the chance to much anymore…"
Near. Are you so lonely that the rain is your company? That you don't know another face. I want to help you. I do.
We found a spot beneath a random tree and sat down, both of us soaked with rain water. Near looked so cold…
Without worrying about his reaction, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me. It was a bit of a haze, but I remember feeling his lips against mine. When it ended, I went off to bed again. Near didn't seem to have changed, but he'd changed me in so many ways. From just one kiss.
Good night, Near. I said to myself, smiling one last time before drifting off to sleep.
-
Flashback: Day 3.
This was it, the last day of the project. I'd be free from Near. Yet, somehow, I knew I would miss it. I would miss Near…
Just like the day before, I went to Near's room before the library, and once again we went together. He was quiet the entire way and seemed as though he hadn't remembered the night before at all. In the library, we touched up the areas we missed and got our project ready to hand in. Poison. What a strange thing. It takes over you, it kills you, quickly or slowly depending on the amount. It can be painful, and it can cause blood. I'd learned that, if nothing else. But there was other pain. Something else inside me was causing me to ache. To suffer.
I thought about Near the rest of the morning and finally decided to go check his room. Who I found there was not Near, but Matt.
He seemed to be looking for me, as I was looking for Near. He thought it was sweet that I was looking for Near, though the project had already ended. I flipped him off because it was what came easily to my mind. He didn't take it seriously, but left me to my business.
"Oh, and Mello?"
"Yes?" I replied.
"When you need me…or anyone…I'm here."
"Thanks," I said, smiling.
I was beginning to feel sick now, so the smile was rather distorted. It was L. He'd be judging us.
The rest of the day was spent roaming around the orphanage until I found myself in the common room, staring at Near. By now, Linda seemed to be making a painting of him. It was rather good, but I think I may have been jealous. She wanted to be with Near. And in a sense, so did I. I waited for the moment to be right before asking her to draw me. She was busy drawing Near, so I decided to go out for some air.
The boys wanted me to play soccer with them when I came outside, but I refused. One threw the ball to me, so I returned it…right at his head.
"Ow, Mello! That hurt!"
But I didn't care anymore. Something was driving me off the edge.
"Yo, Mels, what's wrong?"
It was Matt.
"I'd rather not talk about it, okay?"
"Okay," he replied, still showing sympathy.
I left him and found myself in my room. I fell crashed down on the bed and nearly cried.
What was it… What was making me feel this way?
There was a knock on the door and I jolted up.
"Mello?" came a quiet voice.
I knew it was Near's.
"Yeah?"
"We don't have to continue being friends after this. I'd like to, but the choice is yours."
He sounded so broken. This was why I was so nauseous. I wrapped my arms around him, only because it was all I could think to do.
"I hate you, Near, and I think we should go back to our old ways."
"I accept that," Near said, then leaving my room.
I wandered around the corridors until lunch when Roger found me.
"Mello, I need you in my office. Near, you too."
"Yes, sir," we said together.
This could be the result of our project…
Inside Roger's office, he settled in his chair before speaking.
"L is dead."
"L?"
I only let my rage show for a few minutes before deciding.
"I'm leaving."
"Mello," Roger called as I opened the door.
"I'm almost fifteen, Roger. I can handle myself."
And my time spent at Wammy's house was over.
END: Somewhere New.
I found myself not far from Wammy's house before turning back. The gates were still unlocked, so I let myself in one last time. I went straight to the common room, and luckily, found Near there. No one else was there, so I crouched beside him and pulled him close to me. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered "I'll miss you" into my ear."
"I'll miss you too," I said, beginning to cry.
"Smile," Near said, "one last time."
I did so, and he smiled back, closing his eyes.
"I trust you, Mello," he said. "No matter what you do."
And I was off to somewhere new. I'd go anywhere, far from here. And no one would ever know how much I loved him, or how much I wanted to turn around and kiss him one more time.
I find it hard to believe that we're now so far apart. All I remember are the flames…
-
"Hey Mello!" a familiar voice chanted.
I turned to face the person, seeing my best friend.
"Matt." I hugged him tightly. "I thought you died!"
"We're both somewhere new now," he said. "I think it's Heaven."
Matt smiled and looked into the waves that crossed our feet. "And this is an ocean," I added.
And as I looked down into the depths of it, I saw a boy younger than me, in all white. He'd managed to survive and even found Kira.
"Matt?"
"Uh-huh?" he said, grabbing my hand.
"I think we did a good job. I think we served our purpose."
I waited for Matt to answer when yet another voice came.
"Yes, you did."
Lying in the sand was L, looking more happy than ever, as though all the weight had gone from him. He smiled at Matt and I, and then smiled at Near. Even though I'm sure he hadn't seen it, Near smiled too.