Klaroline weekend this is my first one-shot Klaroline wise, I haven't written anything good ever since my last update of my ouat fanfic two girls against the odds, which was months ago, and now that my tumblr friends got me to join their Klaroline (*cough* cult) ahem fandom, I've been wanting to write something here for ages, but here it goes.
Impersonation and other disasters
Summary: as revenge towards her clepto roommate Caroline sets Katherine up in a dating site with a sickening sweet profile. Planning on setting her up with a disaster date, Care begins to chat with "Elijah" not knowing it's really his brother Klaus chatting back, when it the time comes to meet in person, what happens to them when the REAL Elijah meets the REAL Katherine?
Part 1: neurotic event planner and lazy lawyer
"Caroline calm down, are you sure you cannot work it out?" Stefan's peacemaking voice asked from the other side of the cellphone line as a disgruntled Caroline almost talked his ear off with complaints.
Meet Caroline Forbes, bubbly and positive entrepreneurial Event planner, chocolate lover, environmental activist, serial shopaholic, only child, former pageant queen with a brown belt in karate on-her-way-to-world-domination one high profile party at a time.
Now meet her best friend Stefan Salvatore, successful architect, ex-football player, scotch enthusiast and all around easy going guy. Who at the moment was juggling a life as an architect and part time counselor to his two longest friends.
which brings us to Caroline's current problem, Katherine Pierce, ex con-artist turned Public Relations Manager (Think Olivia Pope but without morals) vodka lover, former reform school inmate, award winning smartass with a perchance for expensive things on her way to ending up in either rehab or jail before she turns twenty five.
The three of them had made a pact back when they had graduated from high school, to get through college then move to New York City and never look back. Funny enough they did end up moving in together after college, mostly because they had enough student loans to afford their own places and life in the Big Apple looked increasingly scary to face without backup.
Katherine and Caroline had taken to it like pros since apart from knowing each other from high school they had also been at the same sorority dorm in college and Stefan who had gone to Chicago University instead of Whitmore, hadn't minded at all sharing his living space with two girls. Eventually when things started looking up for all of them they had agreed to upgrade and move into a three bedroom executive type apartment loft in downtown SoHo.
And sure Katherine and Caroline where friends, well "frienemies since high school" actually, but it was no secret that Stefan was the glue that kept them together, they both feigned standing each other for his sake on the days things got on either of their nerves, after all he was Katherine's long time "we should stay friends" high school ex turned party buddy, and Caroline's best friend, but secretly they both know they couldn't live without the other girl, not that either would admit it.
But now thanks to a whim of fate Katherine and Caroline had been left alone to share their apartment.
Enter the exorcist soundtrack.
"I swear Stefan she's driving me crazy, not in the normal, I'm-exaggerating crazy, but in the real life, Katherine-is-gaslighting-me crazy" Caroline said into her phone arriving at the apartment while struggling with the keys.
"What did she do now?" Stefan chuckled from the other end of the line, ever since he had moved out from their three bedroom place in downtown SoHo and Caroline and Katherine had pooled their resources to keep the expensive loft, he had gotten used to receiving calls like this at least once a week from either her or Katherine
"She keeps taking my things, my bracelets, my shoes, my earrings, in fact everything in my vanity seems fair game and please let's not remember the lost curling iron debacle" Caroline kept listing "plus she has no sense of actual organization"
"I know, I know Care but as I recall I did offer to have you guys move in with me in my company's apartment complex, free of charge and I remember all I got as an answer was "hell no, Stefan, us? Leaving SoHo for Brooklyn?" so I don't see how I can help"
"We don't even fight, when Katherine is home it's like, okay we can do this, but then she goes to work, or I go to work and leave the other alone here and then boom disaster complete" Caroline grumbled kicking off her shoes and going straight to the fridge where Katherine kept her stash of chocolate granola bars "I don't understand, it wasn't this hard when you lived with us"
"Of course it wasn't, only because I've known how to play mediator with all of you ever since my breakup with Elena made me a honorary member of the cheerleader team" contrary to popular belief in Stefan's case, playing the "good honest guy" in high school had actually benefited him in the female department, he was nice to everyone and understood girls like a pro, he would never say it out loud but that "I'm a nice guy" attitude had gotten him laid more times than Damon back in the day.
"Don't remind me, you were like the resident grief counselor, used to sit there all serious while all the girls told you their woes" Caroline smiled and readjusted the phone so she could eat the granola bar "Can't you just tell her to quit the kleptomania, use your puppy dog eyes, even Katherine can't resist them"
"I'm sorry but ah, nope, it's up to you to deal with it, besides see it from her point of view, you organize everything, from the toiletries to the cereal in the pantry" he paused remembering Katherine's last rage infused telephone rant "by type, color and size, trust me if you think she is driving you crazy imagine what it's like for her to deal with your obsessive compulsive cleaning"
"Stefan Giuseppe Salvatore, are you taking Katherine's side?" Caroline shrieked making her way to her room and finding it made a mess
"I'm not taking anybody's side Care; I'm just saying that the key to having a good relationship with your roommates is putting yourself in their shoes"
"yes and that's exactly what Katherine is doing right now, literally" the blonde muttered seeing an open box of shoes peeking out of the open door of her closet "I love Katherine, Stefan I really do, she's not a bad friend, but today she went too far dammit"
"Do I want to know what this is about?"
"THE BITCH STOLE MY FAVORITE LOUBOUTINS" Caroline screamed with a frustration making Stefan wince "those where actually genuine vintage, I bought them with my first paycheck, Katherine is SO going to pay for this" Caroline said to herself in rage cradling the empty shoe box in her arms.
"Uh oh, I know that tone, Caroline, this is where I tell you not to do something stupid" Stefan sighed shaking his head; Katherine was going to regret trying to gaslight Caroline now. He had tried to warn her after all. "The last time I head you utter that phrase in our apartment, Katherine's shampoo got mysteriously switched with pink hair dye"
"Oh don't worry Stef, I promise I won't do anything stupid"
"Caroline!" Stefan warned but his blonde friend had already hung up.
Now Caroline Forbes had little to no experience in matters of payback, mainly because she happened to be the "kill them with kindness" type of person, and when her subject was someone like Kat who knew her well enough to anticipate any dirty trick she could come up with, then things where really difficult, especially after the shampoo incident, when Katherine started to be more careful in order to avoid another prank like that.
No, Caroline didn't want Katherine's hair to turn bubblegum pink this time, she wanted something that her roommate wouldn't expect, something inconspicuous enough to not make Kat suspect anything until the joke was on her, but that also caused her a great deal of rage. Sure she had to be the better person, but screw it Caroline didn't want to be, those Louboutins had sentimental value. Yet as far as revenge ideas went all the plots Caroline's head could come up with where either too juvenile or had the potential to leave Katherine handicapped. And as much as they drove each other crazy, Caroline still liked Katherine well enough to not want her dead...Yet
looking around online didn't help much either, neither did calling Bonnie who had taken Stefan's side and told her to forget the prank "Arghh this is hard, nom don't look at me like that Muslin" Caroline snapped looking at the smug Persian cat that had just made its way out of Katherine's bedroom, seemingly having been disturbed by Caroline's crazy rants, Muslin simply stopped on her paws for a minute, rubbed her fur against Caroline's leg with a friendly purr and continued on her way to her feeding dish, Caroline sighed all too used to the feline's antics "Maybe you are right Mussie, maybe I should take a break" deciding to continue on that in the morning knowing Katherine was due to arrive anytime she moved on to the couch to watch TV.
Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately the TV was the one to give Caroline her worst revenge idea yet.
This is sadly how our story begins.
let it be known children that in our society there is no worse influence to the youth than MTV, and there are only so much episodes of "Catfish" and "Disaster Date" that a girl can watch without coming out of the TV induced haze with a some issues, so kids remember, don't do this at home, what Caroline decided to do to Katherine would sooner than later bite her in the ass anyway.
"It's perfect Muslin" Caroline cried picking the cat up from its lazy perch in the couch and spinning it around in her enthusiasm "All we have to do is set her up with some guy that she'll hate, in some place that's absolutely terrible and make sure the date goes awfully"
Now Muslin had to roll her tiny eyes, sometimes being the only child/cat in a household like this had its drawbacks, sure she had plenty milk and more often than not she got fed gourmet meat, but to deal with those humans of hers, no amount of high class tuna was worth it and she let Caroline know right away with an angry "Meow, Meeaeeeawww"
but since Caroline couldn't understand cat, she just brushed it off, I mean it's hard to take an animal seriously when it's a Persian cat wearing a pink tutu "Come on Mussie this is going to be fun" she said sauntering up to her bedroom with her laptop and a very annoyed cat under her arm.
Now Caroline knew she had to be smart, Katherine owed her a few favors and she could use that to get her to agree to go on a date with someone she picked, that wasn't the problem, the problem was that being a (ex) almost criminal, Katherine could charm the pants out of any New York city male, as long as it had legs, Kat could swindle her way out with that silver tongue of hers. This brought her to where she was now, in the happy endings dot com website.
being an event planner sure had its perks when it came to networking, thank heavens for that, happy endings dot com was one of the best online matchmaking agencies in New York, how could it not be, Caroline herself was acquainted with CFO April Young since they brought lots of business into Caroline's party planning hands, having a 100% success rate and safety policy, which was exactly what Caroline needed, because she was about to lie in the whole soul mate application.
"Okay, let's see what we have here? Name: Katherine Pierce, Profession: PR Manager Hobbies: ahh hmmm" Caroline paused trying to come up with a list of things Katherine wouldn't be caught dead doing "Okay Hobbies: reading poetry, going to museums, scrapbooking, playing chess, and roller-skating" Caroline stifled a laugh at how un-Katherine that sounded "Oh Kat this is going to be hilarious, next is likes and dislikes, well that's easy, Likes: Dogs, little children, charity work, going to church (Caroline let out another giggle) chick flicks, Coldplay, classical music, comfortable clothes and outdoor picnics" Caroline clapped her hands in mischief "Dislikes: Cats, shopping, high heels, dance clubs, violence and Rambo movies... traits I look for in a partner: Surprise me"
Muslin again looked at Caroline with a face that said "human you are crazy"
"Gosh I feel sorry for whoever falls for a profile like this one, Stefan would say I should think this trough I mean, poor person, whoever agrees to date Katherine, but who knows, maybe I won't even get any messages worth looking into, so it's not like it's a big deal right Mussie?" The blonde girl reasoned to herself picking the cat up again and logging off her laptop thinking that after all maybe she should try to call Stefan again.
Not long after, Katherine did get home and after a usual fight for bathroom rights and gossip girl marathon Caroline forgave Kat, forgetting entirely about the fake profile in that dating website until about some days later, when a mail popped up in her inbox.
A week later somewhere else in Manhattan.
"We need to get Elijah laid, the sooner the better" was the first thing Niklaus Mikaelson heard from his younger brother Kol as his brother barged in trough his office doors... at seven am.
"Good morning to you too little brother, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Klaus asked only to be interrupted by the other half of Kol's dynamic duo, his beloved pain in the ass Rebekah
"Cut the crap Nik, Kol for once in his life is right, Elijah needs a girlfriend, fast, I can't take this anymore" now Rebekah was always one prone to dramatics but to be teamed up with Kol against Elijah of all people? That perked his attention up.
"And why do you both think I can help? Last time I checked, being a divorce lawyer didn't exactly qualify me as a relationship counselor" Klaus chuckled mocking his two younger siblings
"See Bekah this is why we love him, Nik and the infamous Mikaelson sense of humor, I would join in on the joke if it weren't for the fact that we came here as a last resort"
"That is what makes it so interesting" Klaus smirked watching Rebekah glare at him in distaste "what could our perfect older brother have done to you both to make you ask me for help?" Then looking up into their faces with an evil smile he narrowed his eyes
"He cancelled my bloody credit card that's what he did"
"And mine"
"Put an actual limit to my bank account"
"Scared away my last seven dates"
"At least you managed to actually bring a one night stand home Kol" Rebekah had almost been driven to tears "all the guys I like just vanish as soon as they see the babysitter Lijah sicked on my back"
Kol and Rebekah continued on like that for a few more minutes complaining on how their eldest brother needed a life and how it was ruining their lives "I assume this has to do with the elaborate betrayal Celeste dealt our brother a few months ago am I right?" Klaus once again was tacitly reminded why he had chosen to voluntarily move out his family's multimillion dollar New York mansion in favor of getting his own place as soon as he had graduated from Law School.
Why willingly endure family drama like this when he could live alone in his penthouse. Elijah being the eldest had naturally insisted on keeping the manor after Esther's death. As an investment banker he thought it more convenient to just keep living there instead of going through all the bothersome paperwork that finding himself a new home entailed.
Sadly with the mansion also came Rebekah and Kol who also thought that living of Elijah's brotherly indulgence was easier than spending their own money.
"well duhh, ever since he broke up with that Satan worshipping trash he has been all too strict on us" Rebekah shuddered recalling how her brother's current ex had gone all schizo on Elijah after being caught embezzling money from one of her high profile clients, how where they all supposed to know that Celeste was loopy?, she seemed perfectly serious when Elijah brought her to meet the family.
"He IS within his right you know, it might be our family home, but legally he's the one that pays the mansion's electric bill" Klaus again pointed out "and I have told you many times before, all this could be resolved easily if you both moved out" But Klaus knew they wouldn't.
the thing was that unlike Klaus who was just two years younger and was usually treated like an equal by their eldest sibling, Rebekah and Kol being five years younger, had always seen Elijah more like a parent figure, so telling them to move out was like telling them to leave Dad's safety net and venture into the big bad world. Whatever their age, Elijah would always be in the minds of Kol and Rebekah the "father" they never had, and as such he was still supposed to provide food and shelter.
"And leave Lijah alone to fend himself? What do you take us for? YOU?" Kol jibed further confirming Klaus's theory.
"We just want him to lay off our backs for a while, you know get him to not be such a downer" Rebekah pleaded with puppy eyes coming to perch herself next to her twin "just so he stops hounding us both around"
"And let me guess Bekah, Kol here came up with the brilliant idea that getting our dear, very moral brother, "laid" was going to accomplish just that" Klaus didn't gave to point out the flaw in their logic, they heard it clear enough in his mocking voice.
"It can't be worse than everything we have already tried" Kol mumbled under his breath "I mean he got Rebekah a bloody bodyguard for Satan's sake"
"Please Nik, and I'll consider it an early birthday present" Rebekah begged with her sweetest face "you know Lijah better than anyone else" she was quite compelling with her best pleading look almost on her knees, knowing that as the only girl in the family she had the biggest chance of getting anything out of Niklaus
Klaus sighed knowing even he could not deny his baby sister help when she looked so desperate "Fine, I will help you, but" He was never one to pass a golden opportunity when he saw one "in return, you both will stay out of my business from now on" he gave them a pointed look, referring to the many times those two liked to drop by on his penthouse unannounced
The twins looked at each other for a minute then nodded "Deal"
who knew Elijah had been overbearing enough to drive them this low Klaus thought to himself "well then I'm all ears, how do you propose we find Elijah a woman, one he would willingly take to his bed to boot" the two men in the room almost groaned, unlike Klaus and Kol, who really had no problem picking up a random one night stand to unwind after a hard day, their bloody perfect older brother had the habit of actually wanting to get to know the girl he wanted to have sex with.
Klaus never understood his logic.
Kol thought it was downright stupid.
And Rebekah just considered the trait "quite romantic".
"I unlike you two pigs, have already thought about that" Rebekah sang already perking up, having realized beforehand that both of her brothers would per usual screw it up, pulling out her tablet and swiping her fingers complicatedly a couple of times she grinned "here it is, happy endings dot com"
"You actually had the guts to sign up our brother in a dating website?" Kol gasped taking a hand to his chest in pride "Oh Nik, our Bekah is finally growing up"
"Shut up Kol" Rebekah snapped pulling up the page with Elijah's profile "A friend of mine met her husband here, she says it's one hundred percent safe and works like any other normal dating agency, all we have to do is find someone pretty enough that's as boring and proper as Elijah" she finished looking quite proud of herself
Klaus took the tablet from her hands and examined the website, Bekah had chosen a rather nice picture of their brother, wearing his usual suit and tie looking calmly at the camera, Elijah too had heard of online dating and he hurried to point out the next flaw in his baby sister's plan "Elijah would never agree to it, even if we, or rather, you, find some girl pleasing enough for him, you do realize he would actually have to chat with her at least once, before she agrees to meet him"
"That's the beauty of Internet Nik, she won't know it's not Elijah behind the screen" Kol said adding his own brand of brilliance to the plan
"You want to pretend to be Elijah in a dating website? Kol mate hate to break it to you but do I even need to point out why that's disturbing?" Klaus smirked pretending to shudder
"Not him, you" Rebekah smiled making Kol let out a loud guffaw and watching Klaus's smirk turn into a glare "It's perfect actually, you know him better than anyone else, you could pretend to be him for a few chat conversations, then when it is time to meet her" Rebekah stopped racking her brain for the next part of the plan lucky for her Kol had her back and picked up on her train of thought
"You lie to Elijah and tell him to meet the girl as a personal favor to you"
"Absolutely not, I said I would help but this, this is even more ridiculous than the time you dressed up as each other on New Year's Eve" Klaus growled "come up with some other way to set him up"
"We have already tried everything Nik" Rebekah pleaded
"No"
"It will only be a few conversations; we would do it for you"
"No you wouldn't"
"He took my credit card, don't be cruel"
"Then use your bloody personal account Rebekah"
"He banned me from bringing girls home too"
"Not my problem Kol"
"Please Nik" they both said in the same sad tone
"I said no, come up with something else"
"Fine, I didn't want to do this, but the end justifies the means right" Rebekah heaved a tortured, almost painful breath and rummaged through her purse pulling out a blue key chain.
"Bekah is that?" Kol gasped with gravity "you don't have to do it you know"
"I'm sorry but it's the only way" Pushing the lone key towards Klaus Rebekah looked at it mournfully "This is my copy to the key of your apartment, if you do this for Kol and me, I'll give it back to you, that means, no more me dropping by in the middle of the night, no more surprise apartment visits and no more accidents with your furniture"
"Hmm tempting" Klaus murmured stroking his chin, was it finally happening? Was Rebekah really agreeing to stop using his apartment as a free hotel? But if he was going to impersonate Elijah online and willingly get caught by him he was going to need something more, so he looked right at Kol raising an eyebrow
"Fine, I'll give you mine too" Kol grunted taking out his own key chain and removing the one that belonged to Klaus's place then putting it on the table next to Bekah's offering "Happy now?"
"Not really but, this will do" Klaus smirked with his usual wolfish grin pocketing the keys away "Now let's pick a candidate for our brother shall we?"
Ten minutes and lots of dating profiles later, the three younger Mikaelson siblings had already assembled a couple of prospects that looked compatible enough with their boring moral brother.
"What about this one, Katherine Pierce, she looks hot enough, Elijah likes brunettes" Kol pointed to the picture of a brown haired woman depicted smiling and pointing to the billboard of a recent Broadway production
"she apparently likes classical music, playing chess, reading poetry gosh she sounds like a spinster, she even dislikes shopping" Rebekah groaned reading over the profile "if she's anything like what it says here Elijah will love her"
"Well then, I guess we found our winner" Klaus announced dryly "a perfectly boring woman for our perfectly boring brother"
"Good luck trying to woo her, she might be hot but brother I don't envy you an inch" Kol snorted earning himself a whack from Rebekah
"What he means is that we owe you one Nik, you are the best brother"
Half an hour or so later Rebekah and Kol said their goodbyes and left to their respective jobs, leaving a very wary Klaus looking at the profile of one Katherine Pierce.
Deciding to get it over with fast, he typed up a message that he hoped sounded like it came from his elder brother, and then snapped his laptop shut.
Meanwhile somewhere else in Manhattan
Caroline opened up the one lonely message in the fake profile she set up for Katherine, her first thought was to end the farce and take the profile down but she was curious nevertheless, who in the world would consider himself compatible with someone as snore inducing as she had pretended Katherine was.
the answer came simply enough when she clicked on his picture, the man's name was Elijah Mikaelson, he was really handsome and an investment banker apparently, and even reading his profile made Caroline yawn, he liked books, reviewing balance sheets, formal suits and badminton, his hobbies unsurprisingly where the same, he disliked loud music, violence and New York's traffic, all in all he sounded like the perfect snob with a stick rammed up his butt.
Which made him perfect for Katherine, but Caroline wasn't sure if she should reply to him, I mean Katherine had been behaving recently and she had Elijah's feeling to consider too, he might look like a snob in his profile but that didn't mean he was one at heart. the mail he sent sounded more like a legal memo than an actual introduction to someone you want to meet, and Caroline knew about that stuff, half of the events she planned where usually weddings, but she had to be the bigger person right? Caroline snorted reading it again.
Dear Miss Pierce
I find that you and I have enough interest in common to make me wish to know you a bit more, I also enjoy poetry and dislike violence so it would seem that if we were to meet we would possibly get along, let me assure you that it would be a pleasure to receive a reply in case you also want make an acquaintance with me.
with nothing more to say E.M
okay scratch that, this Elijah guy was obviously a snob, so she just read the brief impersonal message he had sent her and closed the window on her tablet, convinced she had done the right thing...
too bad Katherine's good behavior didn't last and neither did Caroline's resolve to be a bigger person, so three days later, she was using fake-Katherine's inbox to rant into a stranger's unknown email.
Dear Mr. Mikaelson
please call me Kathy (Caroline snorted, Katherine hated that nickname), are you always this formal or is it just the suit?, never mind, my answer is yes, I would love to make your acquaintance, I am sorry for not replying sooner you see, I have a roommate that plays very loud music at night and does not let me sleep, as a result I am constantly either falling asleep at work or high strung on caffeine, needless to say that the situation has me forgetting many work and personal appointments, among them your email, luckily she was out all night yesterday so I managed to actually get my eight hours of beauty slumber, hopefully tonight she will also be out too, dear lord I am rambling am I not? Oh well it doesn't matter Mr. Mikaelson if you no longer wish to get to know me, I will understand.
Sincerely Katherine Pierce
Feeling better after her brief rant to the Elijah guy that would probably not even message back after he heard hers and fake-Katherine's angry anti-roommate rant. Caroline went back to her job, feeling oddly better after getting that off her chest
Meanwhile in the middle of a six figure divorce signing somewhere else in New York.
Klaus's blackberry beeped signaling a new message. not being one to ever ignore an email, like all workaholics, he discreetly opened his inbox hoping that it was a mail concerning the Anderson case, that highly anticipated litigation that he was about to snatch up from under his competitor's nose. But what he got wasn't exactly a mail for him; well it was for him sure, but not the real him, but the him that was pretending to be Elijah online.
he almost burst out laughing after reading fake-Katherine's reply, this stranger had spunk, telling him right away that she didn't expect him to write back and sure, with an attitude like that she would have gotten on the real Elijah's nerves, but the girl that sent the roommate rant spiked Klaus personal curiosity, why not prove her wrong by replying? He was bored as hell anyway.
So he did, he typed something up for her, signed Elijah's name at the end and hit send. Part of him knew it was disturbing how well he could impersonate his brother, but he ignored it, after all, that Katherine girl was funny enough, maybe there was hope for her and his brother.
And overall that day neither Caroline nor Klaus had any real idea of how messed up the situation really was
so this is going to be a three shot or for shot possibly, I originally planned to make this as a prompt for someone else but since it's Klaroline weekend on tumblr, I decided to finally man up and write a Klaroline fic, note that since I'm also a hardcore Kalijah fan those two might be popping in and out of the story next chapter, if anyone is interested I'm escaily in that site..