You reached out to her in that empty classroom you used to know and she smiled - the warm, bright smile you had gotten so used to seeing and so close to forgetting - and it felt as if it was a dream. If it was, you thought, you never ever wanted to wake up. If you died right at this moment, you would be at eternal peace while some poor soul takes your place in the world.

"But even muttering little things like that seems kinda silly, don't you think?"

That would be nice.

"Why don't you leave me alone? Just disappear, and never come back!"

You didn't mean the words you said back then, but you were scared and didn't want to make a step towards the only friend you ever really had. Now you know that even if a miracle occurred and answered all of your questions, nothing would matter because knowing everything now wouldn't do anything to change the past.

"I wouldn't want to leave you all by yourself."

She was sweet, too sweet and too kind to a person like you. It was disgusting.

Neither of you spoke as you regarded her with a sense of bewildered awe and guarded caution, while she simply stood there smiling as she always had.

Always?

You distinctly remember the time you caught her crying alone in the very same classroom two years ago. You remember ignoring the tears no-one else saw - the one crack in a smile you may have learned to love - swiftly turning and heading home as if it wasn't your own heart that threatened to strangle itself for being so cruel.

Then again, you were always such a cold, cruel, callous fool.

Yet with that memory came a whole string of memories, tying and constricting your brain until you felt like you were falling.

Falling,

falling.

... falling?

"Shintarou." Her voice was hauntingly cheerful, eyes glowing and smile radiant. The long hair you had longed to touch stood still; still as her heartbeat. There was cold, hard metal in your hands which you disregarded.

The world had disregarded you in the same way, after all.

"Why..."

She continued to speak, lips curved into that ever-present smile, but none of it mattered anymore. You didn't need to care. You didn't deserve to care.

Ayano deserved so much more than you anyway.

Nice, cheerful, happy Ayano.

"Why do you think... "

You didn't think at all. Not any of the logical genius you were supposed to have had, nor any of the fleeting thoughts of how you ever found the girl an annoyance or how she laughed even through a bad grade.

You didn't think about the way she held onto your hand when you refused her. You didn't think about how she never gave up on you or the way she always wore her red muffler - vivid against her uniform, vivid as blood against the pavement.

You didn't think when you slowly turned the blade towards yourself, fuelled by something you didn't even know.

".. I died?"

Your hand slipped.