On The Brink

by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap

Albus Potter is on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: On The Brink (of a Nervous Breakdown)

Albus Potter wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and hibernate for the better part of winter or rather the rest of his life.

"Albus—"

"Albus—"

"Albus—"

His office was buzzing with an endless stream of people. He groaned and rubbed his temples as another rushed in. One person would come in, another person would come out with contract after contract. Working for the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee tended to be a tedious job. It was rare that something actually happened. As the holiday season approached it seemed the magical community was losing all sense of secrecy and was performing magic whenever they damn well pleased.

For the most part it was innocent. They'd pop up out of thin air and frighten a Muggle. His department never dealt with anything too serious. The extreme cases were above his pay grade and if he had a say in it, it would stay that way forever.

"Albus, I need your signature—"

"Albus, another pop up in—"

"What do you want to do about the baby dragon—"

"I need a statement for—"

Albus sighed tiredly. He sat slumped in his chair as he dealt with one person after the other. He was genuinely looking forward to his lunch break today. The one-hour would allow him to recharge. He could shut his door with magic and breathe.

He had to force himself to stop from rolling his green eyes as a man dropped a stack of files on his desk. He had just finished organizing said desk and now he couldn't remember what color the finish was anymore thanks to all the damn parchment.

Merlin, they all looked the same. They were all nameless. Albus didn't care to make connections at work or know anyone's back-story. Most of them didn't last long anyway. They wanted a higher role in the Ministry. They wanted hustle and bustle. They looked forward to normal human interaction while Albus stayed holed up in his office day after day trying to permanently glue himself to his chair.

"Potter! I need your signature—"

"Albus—"

"Albus Potter—"

The desperation in their voices made Albus squirm in his chair. He didn't bother asking what he was signing. Mechanically, he reached for his blue feathered quill and scribbled his name barely able to finish writing the 'R' in 'Potter' as someone else handed him something to sign.

"ALBUS! Another—"

Albus scowled. If only his parents could have picked out a more appealing name for him. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have minded hearing people shout it at the top of their lungs all day. He hated his name. Hell, he hated his job and his sad excuse for a life. He always thought about disappearing but he would have to go to the ends of the Earth so he wouldn't be found. Everywhere he went people knew who he was. His messy dark hair, vibrant green eyes and lanky stature screamed Potter. No matter how hard he tried to fold into himself and act nonchalant and unassuming it didn't work.

The Wizardrazzi was always tailing him. It didn't help that some people mixed him and his father up and called him Harry. Though it was becoming less and less common as his father was now starting to go grey.

"Albus, I need—"

"Albus—"

"Albus—"

His back tensed as more people entered his office and his head was starting to pound. He could only take so much on a day-to-day basis. A man, a woman, three women, two men…a…was that an elk? He shook his head and rubbed his eyes with his fist. He fiddled with his horn rimmed spectacles that were sliding down the bridge of his sweaty nose and nodded halfheartedly at brunettes, blondes, red heads and since when did he employ someone with pink hair? He blinked again, eyes aching, and shoved an angry hand through his hair.

Albus loosened his black tie that was hanging stiffly around his neck as more people filed into his office. The room fit about ten comfortably but there had to be about twenty people vying for his signature. He felt like he was suffocating. He removed his spectacles, hands staring to shake, a sure sign he was on the verge of having a panic attack.

"OUT!" he shouted hoarsely. "GET OUT! Everyone out now!" He slammed his fist against a pile of parchment to get his point across.

Everyone stopped moving abruptly. The woman closest to him with a blonde bob had a sour look on her face as she held out a thick booklet. She dropped it on his desk, narrowly missing his fingertips, and promptly walked out with the rest of her colleagues.

He hadn't meant to sound so harsh. The last thing he wanted was word to get out to the higher levels of the Ministry that Albus Potter had a temper problem. He really wasn't in the mood to have a visit or hear a lecture from his father about controlling his anger.

Soles squeaked and heels tapped the wooden floor as people quickly shuffled out of his office. As the door shut, a small smile appeared on his thin lips as he sat back in his leather chair ready to try and relax.

"Albus?"

A soft knock at the door followed by a shaking voice, a brown haired woman poked her head into his office nervously. He narrowed his eyes and stared at her in the doorway, waving her in. Thankfully, she closed the door behind her before anyone else could follow. She nervously paused at the door, twiddling her thumbs, and then walked towards his desk, taking a seat across from him in a brown leather chair.

Albus wasn't a looming figure. He didn't scare anyone. Even though he tried to appear as antisocial as possible when he did venture out of his office old women tended to seek him out. He was their shoulder to cry on. He let them do it willingly most days, not because he cared, no, because it was the only way he was going to make a connection with a woman.

Even though more often than not they were weeping over the death of their spouse.

"Piper," he said, acknowledging the woman sitting before him. "What is it?"

She smiled tightly at him, which only irritated him further. Piper Meadows, his assistant, never brought him any good news. The last time she came into his office…well, he didn't want to think about that.

He rubbed his temples with his fingers and sighed, "Just tell me."

Piper bit her bottom lip and locked her eyes with Albus. She always tried to soften the blow as much as she could. She took a deep breath from her chair, trying to prolong the conversation they were about to have. Her job had many perks, bonuses, benefits, and paid vacations but giving Albus bad news was not one of them.

For the past year it seemed to be happening on a frequent basis.

She crossed her legs but turned pink and quickly uncrossed them, the hem of her blue dress sliding up her thighs, revealing too much skin for her liking. Piper quietly tugged at her dress and then readied herself for the evidential blow-up.

"Well," she began quickly, "it's almost Christmas and—"

Albus scoffed. "The holiday isn't for another month." She had better not been trying to ask for a raise. Hell, she was lucky to get a Christmas bonus this year. Albus didn't feel much in the giving mood.

Piper furrowed her brows and then pinched the bridge of her freckled nose. She had to do it. She had too. It was her job after all. Yet after three years she liked to think of herself as more than his assistant but his friend. Though Albus had a track record of treating his friends like crap.

"Your Mum, she sent you a letter—"

He cut her off again with growing agitation. "Well, what did it say?"

Albus tapped his fingers on a piece of parchment impatiently and then abruptly stopped, rummaging through his desk for a blank piece to write on and then grabbed his blue feathery quill. He was ready to scratch down some of his generic pleasantries to his parents.

"The usual?" He licked his top lip and squinted, mind racing with what to write down.

Dear Mum and Dad,

I'm doing well. Tell Gran to stop sending me food in the post. I'm eating. I've finally gotten my flat furnished. Work has been keeping me relatively busy. I'll see you at Christmas.

Albus

It was short. It was sweet. It didn't give too much info into his life. His mother was always prying for more information.

Piper shook her head, brown curls bouncing dangerously around her face. If he would just open up his own mail she wouldn't have to go through this in the first place.

"Spit it out then," he demanded. "I haven't got all day."

Piper tutted and said, "She wants you to bring your girlfriend with you for Christmas and it isn't a suggestion." She reached into her dress pocket and pulled out a crumpled letter that had clearly been reread and folded over several times. "It's a command."

Albus reached over and snatched the letter from her hands. He ripped it open and quickly scanned the words, his face turning a deathly shade of white.

"No," he said, hands shaking. "No."

Piper grimaced. "It isn't as bad as it seems. Just think about it. Maybe, maybe this year you tell them the truth."

"No," he repeated. "Why does she—no."

He was starting to hyperventilate. At the sign of his distress, Piper threw herself into crisis mode.

"Albus, I can floo to Cecilia right now. I'm sure we can schedule something," she said, the wheels in her head turning trying to form a plan. The look of agony on his face made her feel queasy as she tugged at a bouncy curl of hair. "It shouldn't cost too much."

Albus gaped at her. "Have you gone mad? They'll know right away. My father is an Auror and so are a slew of other people in my family. They're not as daft as the media. They'll know the moment she walks through the door."

Piper couldn't disagree. Cecilia was a great woman to have on his shoulder to get the Wizardrazzi to leave him alone about his love life. Yet she wouldn't last more than ten minutes under the calculating eye of Ginny and Harry Potter as his fake girlfriend. Affection wasn't Albus's strong suit but it wasn't Cecilia's either. It also didn't help that his girlfriend-for-hire, who was really a mutual friend of theirs, was a lesbian.

"Here's an idea," she said as confidently as she could, "maybe it's time we tell them the truth. The woman that you've been linked too for years isn't actually your girlfriend. She's a friend. We don't have to go into too much detail."

Albus rolled his eyes. "I've been telling them we've been together for two years."

"They haven't met her once," she pointed out, "that's suspicious enough."

"I've been lying to them for two years—"

"Maybe we don't use the word lie. This has gone on long enough. I don't even remember why we started this in the first place."

"No," he responded tensely.

It had started innocently enough. Albus was just tired of the pity and judgmental stares he got from his family. Poor Albus, can't find a nice girl. No one wanted to date him at Hogwarts. Even his little sister could find love but Albus? No. No.

Maybe he was 'funny.' That's the term his Uncle used to describe gay people. He was funny. Funny. Funny. Funny. Strange. Maybe it was just better if he didn't find anyone at all. Suffice to say his parents did not think what his Uncle Percy said was funny at all.

Being 'funny' wasn't okay in the Wizarding World. Apparently being single wasn't either. Albus came to the conclusion early on he couldn't win if he was straight or gay.

The pressure had started to eat away at him. Thanksgiving dinner all of his cousins showed up with someone latched to their arm while his grandmother cooed one day it would happen for him. On Christmas Eve he watched from the corner as family and friends got engaged. No one cared about his work. No one cared about his hobbies because at 25 time was ticking and he needed to find a wife.

He wasn't aware he had a biological clock that everyone but him could see.

He started to look at women as potential prospects, not partners. Who could he choose to appease his family?

Then one day Cecilia was there. She was the kind of woman you knew but didn't really know. She had been in the same year as Albus at Hogwarts but a different house. Their paths had only crossed during lessons. Cecilia with her dark brown hair and mysterious blue eyes. She was cultured. She was funny. She could drink Albus under the table. She was also trustworthy as Piper's best friend. They could talk for hours without getting bored of each other. They had common interests.

Albus found you could walk into a bar with a woman, get photographed and people would start-saying things. Albus didn't deny it when his mother squealed in delight that he was finally seeing someone. Emphasis on finally as she rushed off to gossip with the other women in their family to share the great news. He didn't give much detail away. Hell, he never exactly said they were together. He just agreed they were together…at a bar but he just left that last part out.

Besides, at first Cecilia thought it was funny because she was a lesbian. They were also very careful, no matter how much the Wizardrazzi dug, they never figured out her secret. Sometimes he offered her money because what started as a joke became a stressful and endless favor that had strained not only their friendship but hers and Piper's as well.

"She can come with you for Christmas and then you're going to have to break-up with it. The time has come."

Albus mumbled something unintelligent but Piper chose to ignore him.

"Albus, she's in love."

He sat up in his chair, an alarmed look on his face. That was news to him.

"Since when!" he bellowed, banging his fist angrily against his desk. "Since when has she been dating someone? She better not tell anyone. She's supposed to be my friend and—"

"Since six months ago," she said, cutting him off.

Piper was giving him a blank stare. She didn't want to reveal her true emotions. All she wanted Albus to do was to stop lying. His lies were taking a toll out on her. He didn't realize how selfish he could be because he wasn't in charge of his own life. She had to keep everything running smoothly. She had to create diagrams to keep all the information straight. His twisted web of lies was hard to keep up with and Piper's master list was starting to get confusing.

"She knows the rules but she's not your friend," she said very bluntly. "She hasn't been your friend for a long time Albus and you haven't exactly been hers. You have to look at this from her perspective. This hasn't been easy. She's constantly bombarded with questions and dragged through the mud. No one calls you a whore when you wear a certain outfit or you're out at a certain time during the night. What kind of life do you think she's living?"

"Well, no one told her to go out with that tight green dress on. It left little to the imagination."

Piper glared at him. "Don't. Don't be that guy. You're not that guy."

Albus didn't say anything for some time. He should have felt ashamed. He should have felt sorry but if anything he just felt rage at being betrayed. What kind of life did she think he was living? Did they think it was easy for him? At least when she went home she had someone to unwind too. Albus had no one. He was always alone. Part of it might have been his fault but he couldn't and wouldn't take all of the blame.

"Do you think I enjoy lying to my family?" he asked lightly. He was staring at Piper but he seemed so far away as if his head was elsewhere. "I can't lead a normal life."

Piper pursed her lips together and hung her head, guilt overcoming her. She couldn't handle the sadness and the vulnerability in his eyes. It was rare that Albus let his walls down and revealed his true self. She had been working for him long enough to know the true Albus Potter but sometimes the façade was so good she could forget who he really was.

"Albus, your mother stopped by and paid me a visit."

Albus nearly choked on air. He had to smack himself on the back for fear he might choke himself to death.

"Please tell me you turned her away."

Piper gave him an uneasy look. Ginny Potter was a very nice woman but she could be intimidating when she wanted to be. No matter how many times Piper interacted with her she couldn't help but get nervous. She reminded Piper of her own mother, able to know when she was lying, able to get under her skin, pushed her until she heard what she wanted. It was clear Mrs. Potter always got her way and that was no exception when she came to see Piper.

"Not exactly."

Albus stood up abruptly and started to pace the room. His heels making noise against the wooden floor as he rushed back and forth, back and forth, scuffing the floor slightly.

"What did you say?"

"She wanted to know after two years if you were finally going to make it official."

He gave her a confused look. "Official?"

Piper held up her left hand. "Marriage."

Albus blanched. Marriage? The last thing on his mind these days was marriage.

Especially to his fake lesbian girlfriend.

"Piper," he said, as calmly as he could, "tell me you didn't."

Piper sighed. "She was just so excited. Her eyes were twinkling and her entire face just lit up at the idea. I didn't say yes but I didn't say no."

Albus abruptly stopped his pacing and gaped at her. He felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He was going to die right there on his office floor. Better yet he should've just flung himself off a cliff.

He could see it in his minds eye at the very moment. The world seemed endless at the dead of night at the edge of a cliff. With one jump his entire life could be over. He would stand so close to the edge it would look almost like an accident. If he sneezed he could fall right over. Lose his balance. There would be questions, sure, but it wasn't like anyone would miss Albus Potter.

Maybe he'd fake his death because there was no way he was going to spend the holiday with his family and live this down. No, dying seemed like a much better option.

He also wasn't sure as he stared at Piper who was squirming nervously in her seat and pulling at the hem of her dress if he should have fired her but she dug him in this hole she would have to get him out of it.

If she thought she was getting a Christmas bonus this year she had another thing coming.

He threw his hands up in the air and started to shake them nervously, flexing his small bicep muscles.

"Piper, what the hell am I going to do?"

"Get engaged by Christmas?"

He gave her an incredulous look and started pacing again, this time picking up the pace at double the time, nearly knocking into his oak bookshelf.

"To who!" he bellowed. "The other more obvious issue is I don't actually want to get married."

Piper scoffed. "People get divorced all the time."

"Piper!"

She laughed nervously as if to say she was just making a joke but she hadn't been. She figured Albus would be all for it. Sort of. Maybe. Not really. She was going to lose her job over this, wasn't she?

She really should have listened to her mother and studied to be a Healer.

"We'll get someone new," Albus said, coming to a stop. He had a hand to his chin and was rubbing it quickly, lost in thought.

She nodded in agreement. "I figured you would say that. I'm already working on it. Albus, don't worry," she said brightly, "I've got this."

He stared at her, curls bouncing up and down around her head as she nodded, hands folded in her lap.

Bloody hell.

He was getting married.

Author's Note: A new story after all these years! This story is a result of me watching too many romantic comedies but being a cynic at heart. Prepare for a moody Albus and a family filled with issues. Let me know what you think in a review.