Who Wants to Kiss Elizabeth Swann (Turner etc)
Who Wants to Kiss Elizabeth Swann (Turner etc)??
A POTC Parody
(Aboard the Dutchman during AWE)
Davy Jones: You're a cruel mind, Jack Sparrow…but I've a crueller one!!
Jack: Doubt it, bub.
Davy Jones: stabs Will
Will: (various pain noises)
Pause
Elizabeth: (rushes up to Davy Jones and kisses him)
Jack: Eww…
Will: (cough cough) Excuse me?? Dying here!!
Elizabeth:(humming, whips out a clipboard) Davy Jones…checks him off
Will:... Help?
Jack: Sorry, mate, it's Lizzy's cue.
Elizabeth: Let's see- Jack, Will, Sao Feng, James, Davy Jones- BOOTSTRAP! (rushes off to find him)
Will: Um, Elizabeth?
Elizabeth: (running around ship) Kind of busy here…
Will: I seem to have a sword in me.
Elizabeth: Ouch.
Silence
Elizabeth: Oh, right! Sorry, buddy, I gotta finish this.
(kisses Bootstrap)
Audience: Ohh no she didn't!
Jack: Like father, like son, I presume.
Will: Elizabeth!! What are you doing!! That's my bloody father
Elizabeth: Well, I kinda have this list….
Bootstrap: Tough break, kid.
Elizabeth:(checks off Bootstrap) Who's next?
Various hands go up on the deck
Cameraman: You do know that there are over a hundred male members of the cast…?
Fish pirate: (jumping up and down) OHHH OHHH pick me pick me!!
Elizabeth: Well if you'll just make an orderly line we can have this done in no time! looks at Will I might be a while.
Will: I AM ABOUT TO DIE. And I will not stand for you kissing any bloody fish pirates!!
Jack: Since you killed me, I think I deserve another kiss.
Sparrabeth Fans: HELLS YEAH!
Willbeth Fans: begin plotting suicide…
Elizabeth: Well, maybe if you got into that line…
Will: HELL NO! I did NOT get a hot scar for nothing!
Jack: (coughs) Eunuch.
Will: (squeakily) If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!
Elizabeth: (rushes by) What's your name again?
Tai Huang: Tai Huang…
Elizabeth: (kisses him and runs off) Get in a line, people, preferably alpha order!!
Will: WHAT THE FU-
Full Cast: YOU CAN'T SWEAR IN A DISNEY FILM!!
Will: ...fudge…
Jack: Hey, Will? Your sword fell out.
Will: (puts it back in) Oops.
Elizabeth: Um, let's see…that's Pintel, Ragetti, what's-his-face with the smart-ass parrot…
Will: (looking stricken) not Cotton…
(Barbossa walks by)
Elizabeth: Oh, Hector….
Audience: Simultaneously pukes and commits suicide with blunt objects
Jack: Holy-
Will: You know what? Fuck. (dies)
-END OF MAELSTROM SCENE-