This was a request. I don't know what I'm doing anymore or if I ever really did.
Bree, Mary, and Shrek sat on Bree's couch contentedly eating Chicken flavoured ramen noodles. Bree was the happiest she had ever been in her life: the next day she was to be married to Mary's cat, Panther; the ramen was good; her best man, Shrek, had come all the way from Far Far Away to participate in her wedding; her Maid of Honour was her best friend of seven years; she had graduated from Akron University as a major in theology and gotten a job working for the mafia. Every single one of her dreams had either already been fulfilled or would be soon enough.
Shrek slurped his ramen. He had traveled a long, long way to arrive here with his friend, Bree. He was thinking about how he had met Bree a long time ago when she helped him fulfill a quest he'd undertaken to rescue Donkey from a horde of rabid Trumpians in Brooklyn. He shuddered, remembering the way their fangs had flashed in the moonlight when they had attacked his team. Pinnochio had been smashed to pieces, his nose being the only discernible fragment of his shattered corpse; Shrek still carried it in his pocket. No one knew what happened to Gingy, but the worst was assumed. The various woodland creatures who had followed him into battle had been in rough shape and were falling faster than Shrek could keep up with. Fiona had been holding her own, but it was her and Shrek against a hundred of the foul beasts. They had all but given up hope of surviving, let alone rescuing Donkey, when they had appeared: Bree and Mary, descending upon the crowd with the tenacity of demons and the wrath of angels. Donkey had been saved within minutes.
"Shrek, are you ok?" asked Mary, noticing his unease in the quiet of the room.
"What? Why?" Shrek responded, snapping back to the present.
"Meh. I'll let it pass. You were just...spacing, you know?" she grinned .
"Yeah...Hey, Bree, do you remember when we met?" Shrek asked the obliviously smiling girl on the couch beside him.
Bree was jolted out of her daydreams like a cat being sprayed with a hose. "What? Oh. Yeah, of course. Mary and I took out those Trumpians and helped you save your friend. That was a fun day. The ice cream afterwards was sublime as well."
"Yeah. Thanks again for that," Shrek stated awkwardly.
"This Ramen is my wife, and I love her unconditionally," interrupted Mary.
"I ship it," Bree responded instantly.
"Yeah…" Mary said, setting down the bowl of noodles. "I can't keep killing her. This isn't ok. My poor, beautiful wife! I'm a monster…" she trailed off before suddenly rising and going to the bathroom.
"Should we...check on her?" Shrek asked in concern.
"She'll be fine. This happens a lot. Do you want to watch every single Dan and Phil video ever released?"
"Uh...sure."