So... this is my first Gilmore Girls fanfic. I only discovered the show about 6 months ago and binged the whole series and then the AYITL, more times then i can count now. This is set Post AYITL, with flashbacks to the OG series. I am a HUGE Logan/Rory fan so yeah, expect that, but not without angst and drama, cause i just don't do easy happy endings. Yes I'm a masochist. :)

Ive written a couple of chapters at this point but am gonna try and post only 1 each week, so i can continue to write ahead. I hope you enjoy this, and any of my other fics you may choose to read, or if not, thanks for giving them and me a try. Either way please let me know what you think.

All of the Chapters will be the titles of songs that I love and I feel apply to Rogan.

Discliamer: I own nothing but the thoughts in my head. Thanks ASP for creating this amazing world and character and then killing me with them.

Chapter 1 – At This Moment

What did you think
I would do at this moment
When you're standing before me
With tears in your eyes
Trying to tell me that you
Have found you another
And you just don't love me no more

And what did you think
I would say at this moment
When I'm faced with the knowledge
That you just don't love me
Did you think I would curse you
Or say things to hurt you
'Cause you just don't love me no more

The air was warming and the sun was heavy in the sky and the sights and sounds of Yale at the beginning of summer lent to some amazing views. The skies were blue and the tress full of leaves that spring added to the desolate branches, and the sounds of the graduating class of 2007. Logan stood aside while Rory celebrated with her family. It was time that he knew Lorelei was incredible excited for. Her baby girl graduating, and Christopher actually showed up which was a suprise, not to mention Emily and Richard. They were so full of pride at watching their only granddaughter walk across that stage at Richards's alma mater. Truth be told though all he wanted to do was find out if Ace had an answer to that question he'd asked her.

He had wanted to make it romantic, for it to be something she'd never forget and while proposing in front of an entire audience of family and friends wasn't exactly the best proposal, the carriage ride he had prepared for after to take them to a cheesy romantic candle lit dinner was suppose to make up for it. However they never got to enjoy that dinner because Rory had wanted some time to think. It killed him to realize that she had to think about something that he felt as natural as breathing. Spending his life with her, for better or worse, it was the only thing he knew to be a truth in his life, his love for her and her family.

Logan watched the woman he loved walking towards him and in that instant he knew. He hope he was wrong, but deep inside he'd known since she had asked for time, that he wasn't going to be enough for her. "Hey, congratulations" he said as she stood before him.

"Thanks." She responded.

"Hey you did great. No tripping, no dropping the diploma. I remember when I graduated, I was a bit tipsy, no surprise there huh," He was babbling and he heard himself but was unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth because he knew once he did she'd say no. He continued, "I did trip and I reached out and grabbed the robe of Marsha Hadley who was so not the person to grab…"

"Logan…" Shit. He tried not to panic, but the words he had fear were about to said out loud, by the only women he had ever loved.

Did you think I could hate you
Or raise my hands to you
Now, come on, you know me too well
How could I hurt you
When darlin' I love you
And you know, I'd would never,
No, no, no, no

What do you think
I would give at this moment
If you'd stay, I'd subtract
Twenty years from my life
I'd fall down on my knees
I'd kiss the ground that you walk on
If I could just hold you again

"I'm sorry. I can't. I love you. You know how much I Love you. I love the idea of being married to you, but there are just a lot of things right now in my life that are undecided, and that use to scare me but now I kind of like the idea that it's just all kind of wide open, and if I married you it just wouldn't be."

"So what I go to San Francisco, and you stay on the east and we see each other occasionally?"

"Well, we can try long distance. We've done it before."

"You really think that's gonna work?" It had only barely worked before and that was when he had his dad's millions to fly back and forth on. There would be no surprise visits, and twinkle light roof top dinners this time.

"I think it would be hard, but.."

"I don't wanna do that Rory. I don't wanna go backwards. If we can't take the next step…" How knew he wouldn't survive another part time relationship with her, and that a part time relationship with him would hold her back.

"What?"

"I mean…"

"Does it have to be all or nothing?" He hated hearing the sound of her voice asking him if this had to be the end. She didn't want it to end, but she didn't love him enough to say yes.

"Yeah, it does." It was like someone else was speaking. The words felt, unfamiliar, and foreign to the sound of his heart. This was the girl he was always trying to figure out, trying to be a better man for, and tried to win back after he had failed at those attempts.

"But we could at lest try." She said again.

"What's the point?" His heart was already broken, what's one more nail in the coffin.

"So…"

"So?"

He sees her reaching in her pocket to return the blue ring box holding her engagement ring. He wants to cry. He wants to beg her to reconsider, to see that he can be enough, but he doesn't want to make her feel any worse then he knows she already does. He knows she loves him, he's seen it in her eyes every time she looked at him, but while he has had the last few years to deal with life in the "real world", she is just embarking on hers. He knows her heart is breaking as well, and here, in this moment he refused to do more to hurt her.

"Goodbye Rory." It's all he can muster before he walks away from her that won't hurt them both.

"BBEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP BBBBBEEEEEEPPPPPPP BBBBEEEEPPPP", the alarm startled Logan out of his dream, or nightmare. That was probably more like it.

He rolled over and slammed his hand into the damn alarm clock on the side of the bed. It signaled another day of work for him, another day in London. He rubbed his hand along the stubble on his face and groaned. He would have to shave. That meant no snooze button this morning. He sat his feet down in his slippers on his side of the bed. Odette, murmured softly as she adjusted to the bed without him.

He used to have this dream all the time. For months after Rory had said no, he had it every night, and then for the first few years it still popped up occasionally. But he hadn't had one in years, and it's because she had been back in his life. After running into her in Hamburg they had struck up a friendship again, and for the first time in years he could see clearly. That friendship changed to something more when she came to visit him in London, and he felt like he'd been given another chance at what he had lost.

They were older and had done things with their life, though as far as Rory was concerned she hadn't accomplished any of the things she had wanted and so when she had said they should keep it casual, who was he to argue. I mean after all he had once made that request of her, and this time she knew about the other woman.

Odette was an heiress he was suppose to marry. It made Mitchem and the Huntzberger clan happy, and since he really didn't care who he was marrying if it wasn't Rory he hadn't put up a fight. Maybe he should have broken up with Odette the minute he and Rory reconnected but a part of him always knew that when it came down to it, she'd run away again.

So here he was, older, wiser and still waiting on a Gilmore. He was only a week back from the Life and Death Brigade he had rallied for her. One week back from when she had told him no yet again, no to the house and while not saying it exactly, no to him. She had asked him if he really planned on marrying Odette and he had said it was all part of the plan.

He had hope that she would read between the lines and see that he hadn't said he'd loved Odette, that she would ask him not to. She had never been the other woman. The sad reality was that Odette was always going to be in second place, and all it would have taken was one word from Rory and he would have changed his whole life if that were what she had wanted. But she didn't, and here he was again, the one who had to walk away because he couldn't handle seeing her walk away from him.

He glanced at his phone before heading out the door. Three missed calls all from her. There was no way he was going to answer that phone. She had said no for the last time. He didn't think his heart could take anymore.

I'd fall down on my knees
Kiss the ground that you walk on, baby
If I could just hold you
Mmm
If I could just hold you
I would fall down
Down on my knees
Oh god please, let me hold you
Let me hold you
Again

*Song - At This Moment by Billy Vera and the Beaters