Right after the gravity room explosion incident, Bulma broke up with Yamcha. Because he had been abusing her and when she saw Vegeta laying in that pile of rubble, sweaty, bloody, and his attractive chiseled sexy pecs rising with every ragged gasp he took, his skin tight black spandex boxers clinging to his meaty muscular manly thighs, she fell in love at first sight.

When he was laying asleep in the infirmary, having a wet dream about her then a nightmare about Goku and Trunks being Supa Saiyajins when he couldn't do it, she leaned forward and gave the sleeping prince a kiss on his massively receding hairline. She could taste his salty sweat and smell his horrendous body odor lifting from hisbody, especially from his oily matted hair, which was caked with blood. But she did not care. She loved him. Love does that to you. Some people do crazy things when they're in love.

Some time later, after she had bitched at him not to train, he ended up breaking both legs, one arm, one neck vertebrae, his ribs, his collarbone, one thumb bbone, his spine, his tail stump, his wrist, another arm, part of his skull, and his middle finger (bc he practiced in the GR flipping Bumla off and then when he got hurt in a fiery blast he caused he fell on his still poised middle finger).

"Get out of here woman, I don't need to see your stupidity when I'm hurt," said Vegeta, secretly thinking, She looks kawaii when the woman entered the infirmary "I just want to see that attractive scowl of yours and that wide fourhead" Bulma admitted shyly. "Hmph. Fine, you may admire it from afar" the prince relented.

There was a radio in the room. Bumla turned it on. On the station was a song playing by her favourite band, Blood On The Dance Floor. Vegeta's ears began to bleed and Buamla rushed over to him "oh no does it hurt let me taek care of that!"

"Fuck off" the prince snapped at her blood shooting out of both ears as he spoke, the blood fell to the infirmary floor, and Bamlu gasped "look it's blood on the dance floor irl" "This is not a dance floor bitch" Veegta snarled but Blamu hauled him out of the infirmary bed and they began to dance despite Vegeat's injuries. He placed his broken hand on the small of her back and pull her close she could breathe in a smell like peanuts and dandelions and Axe cologne coming from his mouth she looked up at him and realized he was almost a foot taller than her not counting his hair (A/N-I don't believe in Toriyama-sensei's original canon mistake that Vegeta is shorter than Bulma because that's just not right, the guy ALWAYS HAS TO BE TALLER THAN THE GIRL and it makes the guy more romantic and appealing in romances also I HATE SHORT GUYS THEY CAN NEVER BE SEXY so vegeta has to b taller than her!)

Bluma blushed and looked away, suddenly emberresd and she was very shy especially because Vegeta was just so dark and handsome and a sociopath and a mass-murderer and she was just so embarrassed and nervous because he was so sexy, she's not a confidant self-absorbed bitch like how she was made to be in the anime she is actually really shy and she is a cluts, she falls and trips a lot, she doesn't fell sexy at all she has so low self esteem because ever since she was w/ Yamcha he put her down and told her she was ugly and she wants to beliece, so hard, and she just know's it: Vegeta is her prince he will treat her right.

Vegeta looked down at her impressive DD chest and he suddenly thought about making The Bond and mating her. Saiyans had evolved from a vampire-like race, but they don't sparkle in the sun because it would use up a lot of they're energy in doing so but sometimes there tails glow in the dark when they engage in sexual activity.

He knew to make this woman belong to him PERMANENTLY, he would have to channel his vampire instinct and bite her on the neck. Even though his race was killed off when he was 5 years old his parents taught him how Saiyans had sex and mate and do all those ceremonies when he was 3. It would inject a poison in her and she would see his memories and she would have a good orgasm but not good enough like from the sex that would follow. "You want to know a secret, Onna?" Bejita said suddenly. Buruma rooked up at him and she asked "What"

He pulled his tuxedo pants down and his tail had grown back and he tickled Buruma's stomack with it and she giggled "That tickurusu Bejita-chan!"

Suddenly she was pushed on the bed and he yelled in her ear "BAKA! DON"T CALL ME CHAN OR I"LL RIP YOU"RE OVARIES OUT AND EAT THEM WITH SOME FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI, ONNA!"

She was not scared because she knew he loved her then he kissed her and bit her neck and they were mated in in instant and he slid his tail inside her to consummate there bond. She let him stick his tail in her wet womanly cavern even though his tail had mange and fleas all over it and it was spiky and itchy and hairy and uncomfortable mixed with pain and pleasure but he curved his tail and slammed it on her G-Spot and she felt pleasure and pain and several orgasms happened in succession then she could see on her stomach his tail glowing under her skin layers it was glowing inside her showing through her skin he put his manhood into her and he sexed her for a hole hour that way and he knew she would get pregnant but he was ok with that because he loves her and he wants to start a family with her "I love you Onna" he whispered. Burma's neck was bleeding so bad from the bite and she got a yeast infection and she had to go to the hospital and Vegeta flew there and when the doctors asked what happened she said she fell down some stairs and then out a window and she had to get emergency surgery and Vegeta was so worried he turned Super Saiyajin and then when she was better they had a marriage ceremony, even Piccolo attended, so did Krilin and Gohan and everyone

Yamcha got so mad he tried to kill Bulam during the wedding but Vejita saved her and took the blast injuring himself and then he killed Yamcha bi snapping his neck and shoving his head up his ass but Piccolo ran very fast to save Yamcha and gave him a senzu bean and Yamcha was saved Vegeta said to Bulma like in Bulma's favorite romantic movie "Come with me if you want to live"

when they were making luv

She came with him, all right

*PLEASE R&R! IF U DON"T I WONT POST CH 2 UNTIL NEXT YEAR! IF I DON'T GET 20 REVIEWS IN ONE HOUR!*

A/N – I hope you guys know this is satire. :'D Lumping together all the common stereotypes of many B/V fics I have read over the years. This is all I hate about my fandom.