I'm back!
Hey, I haven't been writing fanfics (or anything in general) for a very long time now. Real life can do that to you, especially when you're broke. [lol]
Anyway, continuing on with my Zanpakuto fics, here I am trying my hand on Hinamori/Tobiume! Yah? YAH! Awww, those two ladies need a little more love!
I don't take into account what happened in Beast Sword Fiend Arc, but I did my best to keep Hinamori and Tobiume as in character as I could (if you think they're OOC, apologies. T_T)
Any comments/suggestions/criticisms are welcome. No flames though, if you have any shred of self dignity—flames are just plain immature.
And to my other readers, don't worry, I haven't abandoned my other fanfics yet. While leaving them dead is plain mean, it is a reality that not all can have the time or inspiration to write. But rest assured that in time I will update. :D Thanks so much for all the support, y'all!
Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach nor the marvelous song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan. Try listening to it while reading the fic! [winkwink]
In the Arms of an Angel
By JD Santiago
Rating: K+
Notes/Warnings: Set right after Muramasa's defeat in Zanpakuto Unknown Tales, AU from Beast Sword Fiend Arc.
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
It was already late in the night of the defeat of the disgraced Kuchiki Kouga and his renegade Zanpakuto, Muramasa. By now, most people were already asleep, tired from both the long battle and from the after-victory parties the other squads held.
But for Tobiume, sleep wasn't going to come easily, not tonight. There was so much left to think about after…what happened that she wouldn't be able to rest a wink even if she wanted to.
She glared almost hatefully at the quiet night from outside her window. How could Soul Society sleep so peacefully after everything? As if nothing happened the few stressful days before?
Here she was, being torturously haunted by the events—by the things she was made to say and do—yet most of her fellow Zanpakuto and even the other Shinigami did not seem to care. Some had even had the gall to laugh it off and celebrate Muramasa's defeat.
Yet what reason was there to celebrate? Tobiume thought bitterly, clenching her fists. That monster may be gone, but the damage had been done. How could they pretend nothing has happened—how can Ipretend that it will be all right—when…
There's always a reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
"M…mmmh…" Tobiume nearly jumped out of her seat when she heard a soft groan. The petite Zanpakuto girl then relaxed when she saw that it was only her wielder, turning in her sleep.
Momo-chan… The zanpakuto spirit gazed at the sleeping shinigami before walking up to her side.
Hinamori Momo had clearly been on the road to recovery from Aizen's fatal attack, as evidenced by her fatigue after the both physically and emotionally stressful battles against the Zanpakuto rebels. Fourth Division Captain Unohana had strictly ordered immediate bed rest for Momo, and Tobiume had been more than willing to make her mistress comply.
So despite Momo's persistence that she was fine, the Fifth Division Lieutenant had ended up in bed and asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Tobiume smiled at that. It was so like her wielder to insist that she was all right when she was obviously not.
Even if things aren't allright… Tobiume's smile faltered and a spark of pain flashed in her eyes. Still, she managed to keep her hands steady as they busied themselves tucking the sleeping Momo.
How can I pretend that everything will be all right when Momo-chan may not look the same way at me anymore?
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
"Tobi…ume?"
The name of her Zanpakuto was the first thing Hinamori Momo uttered the moment she awoke from her not so peaceful sleep. Her heart then sank then rose in alarm when she saw that Tobiume was no longer in her room.
"Tobiume-chan?" Momo called more urgently, slipping out of the bed and rushing to the window. Even outside, there was no sign of her Zanpakuto spirit.
"No, what now? Where could she have gone this time?" Momo muttered, trying hard to fight the irrational urge of panic ebbing in her veins at the thought of Tobiume being gone again. Her nightmares of Tobiume leaving earlier did not help matters either.
It was not because she no longer trusted her Zanpakuto, of course. How could she not trust one of the first true friends that she had ever had, after all?
The first time she met Tobiume, it was in a fragrant garden of warm plum trees. And in the middle of the sweet smelling plain was the petite yet beautiful brown haired spirit, her light skinned face and expressive eyes framed by long brown hair.
She was the spirit who later became Momo's best friend, her confidant, her supporter and her defender in battle. The spirit who had encouraged her to reach for what was once a lofty dream, who then helped her stand and pick up the pieces once the said dream was crushed so cruelly by the man Momo admired more than anyone in the world.
Of all the things that had come and gone in her life, Tobiume were one of those that remained constant. It had never occurred to Momo that there would be a time her Zanpakuto would ever leave her side.
Then again, the possibility of Muramasa and his awful power did not occur to her either.
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe…
I'll find some peace tonight
Despite the fact that it was because of the twisted Zanpakuto's influence, Tobiume still had done the unthinkable.
And even though Tobiume had come rushing back to her after Muramasa's spell was broken with apologies and promises, the hurtful words have already been said. While Momo may try to deny it, Tobiume's actions shook the little foundation she had built up after Aizen's betrayal to the very core.
"You are weak!"
"You trust so easily, you are easily fooled. That's why you are an idiot!"
It made Momo wonder if what Tobiume had said before were all part of Muramasa's ruse.
Or if they were actually sentiments Tobiume had but never could say…
"Tobiume-chan…" Momo shook her head. No, not again. She already made a promise to herself. The Fifth Division Lieutenant had already made a huge mistake once because she let her feelings get to her. She wasn't going to do it again.
Being selfish once and paying dearly for it once is enough. Momo thought, steeling herself. It's about damn time that I do the saving for once! I owe you that much, Tobiume-chan! I promise I'll fix this!
In the arms of an angel, fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear
"I'm so sorry, Momo-chan! I…I would never willingly do anything to hurt you!"
"I promise I won't let anything like this happen again! I won't let Muramasa get away with what he had done!"
"Momo-chan, I'm sorry…"
Even until now, Tobiume sounded so pathetic to her own ears that she couldn't help but wince. And the words she uttered just now, she had said them so many times to her mistress that they have long lost meaning.
Not that they had meant much from the start. Whatever weight I'm sorry had did not compare to the painful things she said to Momo before.
"You are weak!"
No! Tobiume shook her head before it fell on her hands. She was sitting near the Zen garden of the Fifth Division barracks, hoping that the tranquil waters and the perfectly arranged stones could help her find a little peace herself.
So far, it was obviously not working.
No,youaren'tweak,Momo-chan. Tobiume's bottom lip trembled. Youneverwere.ItwasIwhowasweak,fornotbeingabletoseethatclearlyuntilnow…
Tobiume could blame Muramasa all she want, but she knew that deep down that her dark thoughts and words aren't Muramasa's fault alone.
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
For the longest time, Tobiume had held feelings of resentment towards Momo for allowing herself to fall apart the way she did after seeing Aizen's false corpse, pinned so dramatically for the world to see that it was sickening. Tobiume had tried to warn Momo so many times not to act recklessly during their confrontation of Ichimaru Gin and especially after Momo had read Aizen's letter implicating 10th Division Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou.
But did Momo listen? Hell, no.
That was the reason she had gotten into so much trouble, all for a man who had willingly, and even gleefully used Momo until the very end.
ShewouldhangontoAizen'severywordasifitwerespokenbyGodhimself! Tobiume had thought at the time. ShewasevenwillingtopointmeatafriendwhohadMomo'sbestinterestsatheart,allbecauseofaletterfromthatmonster!Lookwhatgoodthatdid!
The thought didn't last in the forefront of Tobiume's mind for long—it was hard to make it stay, after seeing Momo so shattered after Aizen's betrayal—but the twinge of resentment remained.
And it was that twinge that Muramasa twisted to his advantage.
Tobiume cursed herself, at the irony of it all.
Here she was, condemning Momo for a weakness in emotions, while it was Tobiume's own emotional weakness—a resentment that shouldn't even matter anymore—that Muramasa used to create a huge rent between her and her wielder.
"If only you were here, Momo-chan. If only I can tell you more about what I really feel…"
"Well, it's a good thing I found you then, ne?"
Tobiume's heart leap to her throat as her body automatically stood up and faced the object of her thoughts. "M—Momo-chan?"
The female shinigami smiled in greeting to her Zanpakuto spirit and friend. "Hello, Tobiume-chan."
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn, there's vultures and thieves at your back
"Beautiful night, isn't it?" Momo inwardly winced, noticing how awkward she sounded. Greatwaytostartaconversation,idiotMomo.
"Ah, y—yes." Tobiume tugged at her kimono sleeve, smiling slightly back. "We have a full moon tonight, and the stars are very bright. It's all so…peaceful."
The subdued way "peaceful" slipped past Tobiume's lips did not go unnoticed by Momo. "Is there something wrong, Tobiume-chan?"
"E—Eh?" Tobiume panicked slightly, not wanting to cause her wielder any more stress. I'm sorry, Momo-chan. I'm not worth your worries! "N—no! Nothing's wrong! I was just…admiring the moon, that's all! Look, Momo-chan, isn't it lovely tonight?"
"Hmm, I guess it is." Momo conceded lightly, gazing up at the glistening silver orb hanging above them. Its soft, calming light did wonders on Momo's nervous soul, which she thought was a good thing. She needed all the calm she can get before confronting the big, pink elephant she and Tobiume were ignoring in the garden.
"Tobiume—"
"Ah, that's right, Momo-chan!" Tobiume interrupted in a high pitched voice that made Momo jump. "I nearly forgot! What are you doing out here? Unohana-san gave strict orders that you should be in bed! Your injuries haven't fully healed yet! You must be cold!"
"A—Ano, I don't think it's such a big deal," Momo tried to appease Tobiume, but the smaller girl would not hear of it. "No, Momo-chan, we have to get you back inside! Mou, what made you decide to come out anyway?"
"I was looking for you, Tobiume."
Momo relaxed slightly when the petite brunette's fussing halted. "Eh?"
"I—I was looking for you." Momo turned to her Zanpakuto, a small smile visible on her tightly drawn lips. "You weren't there when I woke up. I was worried, so I—I decided to go look for you."
Tobiume took a moment to absorb what her mistress said, before coming back to panic for an all new reason. "You were out looking for me? Oh, Momo-chan, I—I didn't mean to! I didn't want to wake you, but I really wanted to take a walk and—"
"It's OK." Tobiume flinched when she felt Momo's white hand grasped hers gently. "I'm just glad you're still here. It's not that I mind you leaving. I was just worried that, well, you know…"
That you might not come back.
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack
That you might not come back. The unheard fear made Tobiume's eyes prick with tears and her head lower in shame. "Momo-chan, you…I wouldn't…"
"Tobiume-chan," Momo said softly, sitting down before her Zanpakuto while maintaining eye level contact. "You said before that you wanted to tell me how you really feel. I'm here now. You know you can tell me anything."
"M—Momo-chan, I…" Tobiume's eyes flitted uncomfortably on anywhere but her wielder. It annoyed her how weak willed she really was. Just a moment ago, she wanted this chance to be open with Momo more than anything. But now that it is actually happening, what does Tobiume do?
Babble like a newborn, that's what. "I…I really don't know where to start. I wanted, I mean…after what happened with Muramasa, I was thinking maybe…or is it better if I…"
Momo shook her head resignedly while listening to Tobiume speak disjointed phrases, although she could see some semblance of connection. Now all that was needed was to take down the wall that was between them.
Tobiume's eyes widened in shock when she felt a pair of warm arms drape over her thin form, followed by the scent of plums and summer breeze. "M—Momo-chan?"
"It's OK, Tobiume-chan," Momo whispered, hugging her surprised Zanpakuto tightly while relishing the first time she had ever embraced her long time friend. She had never physically show her affection for her Zanpakuto before. Momo figured at the time that that was how their bond was, where kind words and encouraging thoughts were all that was needed for them, even during the disastrous time with Aizen's betrayal.
But here, now with Tobiume in her arms, Momo realized that they had never been enough. "Whatever it is, Tobiume-chan, you can tell me and I will listen."
"Momo-chan, I—"
"Whether they are good or bad things, hurtful or angry. If whatever is in your heart is crushing you, then I will take it on and set you free. If it's something that you must face, then let me be there for us to beat it together." Momo then pulled away to gaze at Tobiume's tearful eyes, ignoring the sting of missing the spirit's warmth. "And if it's forgiveness you want, then you don't have to be afraid to ask, because you've always had it."
It was with those words that the dam finally broke.
It don't make no difference—escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh, this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
"Idiot! Momo-chan, you're such an idiot!" Tobiume shrieked as she cried, balling her fists on Momo's robes. "How can you just say those words as if…as if nothing happened? As if what came to pass was nothing more than a silly mistake we can just laugh off the next morning! I…I was cruel! I was a horrid monster to you! After everything I've said, after what I did to you, how can you not hate me? How can you just forgive me?"
Momo patiently let the spirit cry in their hug. "I can because I could never hate you, Tobiume-chan. I can because I can't think of doing otherwise, after everything we've been through. You who have been one of my closest and dearest friends, who knew my every space and corner of my heart. I can only wish I knew you just as well, that I could have been a better friend."
"Wh—what are you saying, Momo-chan?" Tobiume sniffed unbelievably. "You—you've been so kind to me. You cared for me so well. Respected me. Trusted me. You counted on me to be always there for you even when I let you down!"
"You never let me down, Tobiume-chan. At times when we fell short, the fault was mine." Momo corrected. "You're right, I let my feelings get in the way and it stopped me from looking at things objectively. They stopped me from listening to you, my voice of reason, making me force you to do what you thought was wrong. And when the truth made me fall so far down, I left you with the burden of helping me stand again. Now that I think about it, I see I've asked so much of you these past few months. Hah, if I were the Zanpakuto who was put through all that, I would have cracked a long time ago."
Tobiume gripped Momo's arm tightly, sensing the girl's distress. "Momo-chan, that's…"
"So if there's anyone who should be apologizing, it should be me, Tobiume-chan." A strange feeling of wetness trailed down her cheeks before Momo realized that she was crying. "For making you bear the burden of my mistakes, for doing all the talking and not listening, for failing to see that my selfish actions had forced you to hide yourself from me."
In the arms of an angel, fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
Tobiume tugged her mistress' sleeve, wiping her own eyes as she did so. "Momo-chan, if I have nothing to apologize for, then so do you! And if your feelings are your weakness then my deafness to my own was mine, because I let my bottled up feelings out in the worst possible way, in the worst possible moment! But now…now I can tell them to you, without holding back or without anyone else's influence!
"I didn't speak of them before because I wanted to spare your feelings, but if there's one thing I've learned from all this, is that you, my mistress and my friend, deserve all my honesty, so here it goes," Tobiume continued. "I was…furious with you, for what you've allowed yourself to become during that time with Aizen. I was angry that you have let yourself become blinded with your grief and anger that you actually thought of turning against a true friend, that you stopped listening to me and that you let yourself nearly get killed!"
The petite Zanpakuto took a deep breath after nearly shouting the last part. Momo's cheeks burned in shame and attempted to choke out. "Tobiume-chan, I'm so—"
"But I don't think you're weak, Momo-chan!" Tobiume said. "You have a heart of gold, you love friends and family without holding back. Your kindness is your strength, and it is where I draw my power from as well. It's just that…when you love, you forget that it you don't just feel with your heart. You also have to use your head in tandem. You can't keep on believing that a person is good just because they seem to be. And you can't just keep on loving with everything you have, leaving none for yourself. Because…"
Tobiume's eyes shone on Momo's. "Because I love you, Momo-chan, and I don't want to see you waste yourself on someone who doesn't deserve you."
"Tobiume-chan…"
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
The moon stayed where it was in the ink black sky, the stars still twinkled the same light. But for the two girls in the Zen garden, everything in the night changed profoundly, and suddenly everything seemed so much brighter.
"Thank you, Tobiume-chan." Momo smiled the first true smile she had in weeks. "At first, I was scared that you really hated me deep down, but I can see now that it was stupid of me to even think that. I'm so relieved…"
"I'm relieved too, Momo-chan." Tobiume smiled back at her. "I thought you wouldn't trust me anymore after everything that happened. I…I'm just glad I've talked to you like this. I'm really glad I can be honest with you again."
"And don't ever forget it." Momo tried to act stern, but her eyes, puffy red from tears, made her look comical instead. "A Zanpakuto and her mistress work best when they trust and are honest with each other. So whenever you think that I'm becoming an idiot, don't hesitate to kick me round the back for it, all right?"
"So long as you promise to stop being overly dramatic and listen to me for once, yeah, we have a deal."
Momo let out a laugh, a comforting melody to Tobiume's ears. "I've definitely learned my lesson, Tobiume-chan, so yes, we have a deal."
"Good. Now shall we please get you inside? If Unohana-taichou finds out that you've stayed out too long, she will have both our hides!" Tobiume said as she began pushing her friend back into the barracks.
"O—Oi, wait up! I can walk, you know! And besides, I'm feeling just fine! Staying up won't hurt!"
"And what happened to your promise of listening to me more often?" Tobiume snapped cheekily at Momo, causing the shinigami to groan. Well, at least now we're both back to normal, or as close to normal we can both get…
That, she supposed, was good enough. "Oh, and before I forget, Tobiume-chan?"
"Yes, Momo-chan?"
"I love you too."
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
~Owari~
A/N: I've typed this and stored the draft in my hard drive for long until I found it again. I think I'm satisfied with the outcome (had a hard time distributing the lyrics to suit my taste), but please tell me what you think. I may add an omake if I can get to it, but we'll see.
Please leave a review! Thanks a bunch guys!
~JD