So since it's my most successful oneshot by far, I decided to make a sequel to If You Give a Ling a Lunch. I think someone requested this in one of the reviews, so this one is dedicated to all you fans of the original! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal or the book series written entirely in hypotheses.
If You Give Winry a Wrench
A children's book by Edward Elric
If you give Winry a wrench, she'll use it to construct automail for you.
If she constructs automail for you, you'll use it to move on with your life and join the military.
If you join the military, scar-faced serial killers will come after you to make your face go asplode.
If scar-faced serial killers come after you to make your face go asplode, your automail will be grinded into tiny little pieces and blasted into oblivion.
If your automail is grinded into tiny little pieces and blasted into oblivion, you'll need to pay a visit to Winry.
If you pays a visit to Winry, she'll cause your brain to fatally hemorrhage after she uses the wrench you oh so kindly gave her.
Moral of the story? Women are dangerous and should not be allowed to throw mechanical tools.
All was right and beautiful for one Edward Elric. He'd found leads on returning his beloved brother to his body, he was now a bestselling children's author, and his earnings had been donated to one Riza Hawkeye for extra bullets to fire at the Colonel, to the poor saps who'd put Ling Yao's room service bills on Ed's tab, and a bit to Jean Havoc so he could steal Mustang's girlfriends with all his moolah. Yes, all was perfect...
"ED, YOU MORON!"
No, all was not right and beautiful. All was dark and hellish, and all he could think was he regretted giving Winry a wrench when she conked him over the head with one, probably fracturing his skull.
"DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WROTE, YOU IDIOT! GRANNY TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOU CALLING ME A PSYCHOPATH WITH RAGE ISSUES AND..."
Ed couldn't hear a thing, as she'd knocked him unconscious. All because he'd given her a wrench.