When You Need A Friend
"Give your head permission to follow your heart." Quinn let the door to her mother's hospital room click shut and folded her arms tightly across her chest, the sound advice echoing in her head. It was great that Taylor had come to her senses in time to say goodbye, but the interruption had left Quinn in desperate need of a hug. This part of the hospital was always unbearably quiet, almost as if the hands of death couldn't wait to pull the patients here away from life.
Men needed to be hit hard with things to get the message, Lydia had said. What about women? What was she supposed to do with the sense of complete injustice weighing her down? In the corner Nathan and Haley sat with Jamie, talking in hushed tones. Quinn was wondering if her breathing was really as loud and labored as it seemed to her own ears when her baby sister looked up. Eye contact was all it took; gently Haley nudged Jamie off her lap and came over with the much-needed hug ready for Quinn.
"Taylor came back after all," Quinn murmured, her voice muffled against Haley's shoulder. That was always an achievement with her being the taller one. Lydia always called Haley her sister's keeper; the real question was: which sister?
"I know, we saw her," Haley returned, stepping back reluctantly. "Are you okay, Quinnie?"
Was she okay? That was a million dollar question right there. Quinn suppressed the wave of bitterness towards Taylor with difficulty and quietly said; "I'm really glad we're in this together, Hales."
"Me too, honey," Haley replied shakily. Their night side by side on the floor by Haley's piano echoed in the words, except this time Lydia couldn't tell them to drink some wine and smile. None of this was okay by any stretch of her desperate imagination. Holding on to Haley's fingers tightly, Quinn furiously wiped her eyes; it was too soon to crumble.
Her gaze drifted to Nathan, who was hugging Jamie close, and the realization of who she needed more than anything right now hit with an almost tangible force. "Hales, do you know where Clay went?"
"Coffee shop upstairs I think," Haley said with a knowing look. In less serious circumstances Quinn would have rolled her eyes at the sisterly teasing, but Lydia's condition left no time for that. She needed another hug right this minute, and it wasn't one her sister could supply.
"I'll be back," she said absently and ran for the elevator. The top floor of the hospital consisted of nothing but the cafeteria and tacky gift shops. Quinn walked with purpose towards the former, ignoring the little teddy bears and giant stuffed hearts with cheesy messages embroidered on them. It wasn't long before she found Clay, making a disgusted expression at the paper cup on the table in front of him. "Hey you," she greeted by wrapping her arms his neck from behind. "That bad is it?"
"Absolutely disgusting," he grimaced, turning to face her solemnly. "How's your Mom?"
"Exhausted," Quinn sighed. "I…I don't think it'll be long now." Her voice shook on those words and Clay stood up, abandoning his horrendous drink.
With a sympathetic frown, he wrapped both arms consolingly around her tall frame; "I'm so sorry, babe. I wish I could do something to make this easier."
"You're already doing it. She'll like the surprise, won't she?" The wavering tone continued, fragile and terrified, damn it.
Quinn stared into her boyfriend's deep blue eyes and saw the concern in them, but his voice was steady and reassuring in her bubble of personal hell and darkness. "Of course she will Q, it's her life's work." Quinn shuddered involuntarily and clung to him tighter, remembering why the pair of them had ended up bringing all the "hardware" as Lydia called it down to the hospital in the first place.
"We have to do something!" Haley's voice was sharp and broken in the waiting room silence. Even while Lydia just rested, none of them often went home at the moment; only Taylor remained conspicuous by her absence. Nathan pulled his wife close at her outburst, while Quinn looked up at her in a daze. "Like what, Hales?" she asked.
"Something to say goodbye…something to remember," Haley elaborated. "Hope…hope maybe gone, but there has to be a better way to let go! Any ideas, anyone?"
Quinn watched Nathan press a kiss to Haley's cheek, damp with tears, in silence. Suddenly it gave her an idea; "What about a slide-show presentation? We could use the box of photographs; there must be tons of good stuff in there."
"That's brilliant Quinn, genius!" Nathan exclaimed while Haley wiped her eyes, nodding along. "Trust the photographer to think of that."
"One problem," Quinn interrupted Nathan's enthusiasm and the smile tentatively forming on Haley's face slipped away again. "Who knows how to work a scanner? Those pictures are so old that they're not saved anywhere digitally yet."
"Not even a problem." Nathan allowed Haley to curl wearily against his shoulder, sounding very sure of himself. "I would have thought you of all people would know Clay is Mr. Technology himself. If you don't mind leaving the hospital for a bit, go ask him for help."
It wasn't long before Quinn found herself parked outside Clay's beach house, her burst of courage failing her as quickly as it had come. For five minutes she just sat there at the wheel, remembering her promise before he'd gone on that tennis tournament to Atlanta. "Make me your first call if something happens, and I'll be back." Her mother was right, Clay was one of the good guys alright, but God he made her nervous! It was stupid enough that she felt the need to come to his doorstep and then call on the phone, but that was how it went. He picked up on the second ring; "Hello?"
"Hi Clay…um, it's Quinn. This is gonna sound really weird, but I was wondering if I could come in? I'm kind of right outside your house."
"Kind of?" he repeated teasingly, and she could hear the grin in his voice even before he pulled the curtains aside and waved at her car. "You're a funny one, Quinn James."
"I've said it before, you make me nervous," she laughed back, but she didn't hang up the phone until she was inside the house, blushing furiously. "Hi."
"Hi yourself, what's up?" He led her over to the couch with the beach view window behind it, and Quinn gazed out at the waves for a moment: damn that stupid immensity, beautiful but terrifying. "What's in the box?" Clay asked curiously, interrupting her reverie.
"Everything." Quinn gently popped the lid off the cardboard box on the table. "I need your help." She swallowed hard as she pulled out a few photographs from the top of the piles within the carton. Her hands started to shake, and Clay obligingly pulled the box closer and clasped her trembling fingers, it gave her strength. "My Mom…she doesn't have much time. Long story short, Haley had this idea that we should do something special…to make the end easier somehow." She closed her eyes, the pictures of the long-gone childhood closeness of their big family staring up at her were overwhelming. "We figured a slideshow might be cool, but we're not very technology savvy, Nathan said you're good with a scanner."
"That's a lovely idea. Of course, I'll help." Clay's caring expression and the unwavering promise eased the lump of pain that unshed tears had lodged in Quinn's throat. "But there's something that needs doing first." He shut the box again and shoved away the collection of memories before drawing her into a hug. "You need a friend."
Quinn remembered one of their very first conversations down on the beach, just like this. She had asked him that day if he'd needed a friend and he had ended up telling her all about his dead wife, Sara. After that he had walked away, to respect Nathan's request that he stay away from Quinn, but so much had changed since then. "You have no idea," she echoed his words from that day, and before she knew it she was sobbing, fear and desperate grief unleashed.
"You're right. I don't have an idea, I have the experience," he said sadly, and both of them knew it was the truth.
"Sorry," Quinn murmured when she realized the memory had her crying again.
"Don't you dare babe, that's why I'm here. You don't have to be strong in front of me, let it go."
The invitation was almost too tempting, so Quinn leaned in and let Clay stroke her hair. He clearly was one of the good guys, Lydia had that right. But through the haze of exhaustion from spending far too long at the hospital, a question slipped out of her mouth; "How are you so okay with hospitals though? After Sara I mean," she asked, and then bit her tongue immediately, stupid big mouth. "Sorry, stupid question!"
"Not stupid," Clay mumbled, even though he had visibly frozen for a moment. "Remember what I told you the other day Quinn, this chance to say goodbye is a gift. Even though it seems hard, Sara was already gone by the time the paramedics arrived," he said softly. "All there was left to do for her was drape that sheet thing over her…one way ticket to the morgue."
"I'm really sorry, Clay," she breathed, her mother's words ringing in the silence around them again. "Men need to be hit with love to get the message. You were always my heart girl, now show it!"
"Me too," he returned grimly. Suddenly the cafeteria door swung open, and Nathan peeked in. "You guys, it's time," he said sadly, and Quinn stiffened.
"Coming Nate," Clay spoke for her, calm and resolute. He put his arm around Quinn's shoulders and guided her back to the elevators.
"Stay with me," she said pleadingly. "I don't care that it's family only, I can't do this without you!"
Too soon they arrived back at Lydia's room, beyond the closed door Quinn could already hear one of her sisters crying. "I'm right here baby, till kingdom come, I promise." He held her hand while Nathan drifted back to Haley's side and together they faced the last goodbye surrounded by projections of James family history. That night proved that endings always came with new beginnings, with a little help from the right guy.
A / N My OTH debut, personally I'm a much bigger fan of the final seasons and defend Clinn to death! I was re-watching Lydia's death storyline from season 7 recently and this supportive little missing moment came to me. Enjoy all! xx