So since I can't stop thinking about Downton Abbey, and I also really like the movie Burlesque right now; this is the result. A songfic of "You haven't seen the last of me" from the soundtrack of Burlesque. Hopefully it describes Bates' feelings over being locked up and so far away from his beloved Anna
Cher – You haven't seen the last of me
Feeling broken, barely holding on
But there's just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I'll get up again
Don't count me out just yet
He had hoped never to set foot in a prison ever again. He knew he could handle holding up for months on the inside, he wasn't worried about himself. It was the thought of Anna, alone, having to face everything, everyone without him. John knew she was strong, in some ways stronger than him, but that didn't stop him worrying.
She would be ridiculed about being married to a convicted thief and a murderer. The world didn't know the truth, but that wouldn't stop them. He hoped she was alright, really alright. She couldn't come to visit as much as she would've liked, John appreciated her efforts all the same. She was being so brave, never faltering or wanting to appear as weak. Although sometimes her smile never quite reached her eyes. Week by week she looked more drawn and thin. He hated what this was doing to her, it was all his fault.
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back, back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me.
"For better or for worse", that's what she said to him. This was clearly what he hoped would be the 'worst' part and John strived for the day of the 'better' that she spoke of. He knew they would be happy. A life without Anna certainly looked bleak to him right now. He barely survived between her visits and when she came he was reminded of her grace and beauty.
JohnBatesyouwillgetoutofhere he told himself constantly, notforyoursakebutforhers.It'snotjustaboutyouanymore.Sheisyourwifeandyouwilldorightbyherandnotyourself. When she couldn't visit, she would write. Every day was a struggle, but her letters cheered him greatly. She always tried to be reassuring and confident everything would work out. Most of the time he shared her optimism, but she didn't have to live in a tiny cell and be face to face with criminals 24/7. It was difficult to feel happy in those moments. Only when thinking of Anna was he ever remotely happy.
They can say that, I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me; you don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back, back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me.
Christmas was meant to be a glorious occasion. A time of giving, shared with family and loved ones. John hated that this was his first Christmas married to Anna and he couldn't even spend it with her. He could imagine it already. If he ever got out of jail- when he got out of jail, he reminded himself- he would shower her with gifts and tell her he loved her every day, because she was perfect every day. She deserved to be happy and somehow she was happy with him.
On one of her first visits John had urged her to just walk away now and forget about him. Of course, she refused and had been faithful to him ever since. "Loving you is worth everything to me" she had said. God only knows how defeated he would have felt if she had actually left him. A life without her wasn't a life worth living.
There will be no fade-out
This is not the end
I'm down now but I'll be standing tall again
Times are hard but I was built tough
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back, back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven't seen the last of me.
No, no
I'm not going nowhere
I'm staying right here
Oh no, you won't see me fade-out
I'm not taking my bow
Can't stop me
It's not the end
You haven't seen the last of me.
It's not over yet, John Bates. You have done nothing wrong. You will be free once more and can have a happy normal life. Albeit a happy normal life with Anna. This is not the end.