You look so fine
It was a quite busy evening.
The bar was well attended and I had quite a hard time to manage all the orders.
„Tifa, Darling… could'chu get me another beer, please?"
„Rude… dont'cha think we should go… I mean we're really drunk."
I had to laugh.
Rude was such a quiet person but if he had two or three beer, he totally changed.
"Oh, guys please stay for a little longer." I said with a bright smile.
They visited my bar regularly and each time it was a great pleasure for me. It was nice having them around.
„Reno… do you see that? I mean her smile. I can't say no. We stay!"
I opened the fridge and placed two bottles of beer on the bar, right in front of the former Turks, our former enemies.
"These are for free, guys."
Reno grinned from ear to ear.
„You're a pearl!"
I had already put Marlene and Denzel to bed, before I opened the "Seventh Heaven".
My eyes wandered impatiently to the clock. It was late. Cloud was still out.
But you could have never been sure, when or even if he came home.
Some men waited for their drinks so I hurried, ignored that they were leering at me and sighed exhausted.
A few months have passed since the Geositgma occurrence. At least he started to sleep at home again. But still it was hard for me to reach out to Cloud.
Why he just had to be such a damn complicated person?
Why…
Why wasn't he able to return my feelings for him?
I really wasn't cagey about my feelings for him. He knew it. He knew it excactly.
I was washing up some dishes while my eyes wandered automaticially to the picture of Denzel, Marlene, Cloud and me.
You look so fine
I want to break your heart
And give you mine
I truly loved his beautiful eyes. They were strong, proud and at the same time full of sadness and pure emotion.
All this sorrow he carried deep within. I always tried my best to help him as much as I could.
And there were moments in my life when Cloud rewarded me. Then he would lay his arms around me, whispering "thank you" and smiling softly at me.
And it was these spare, tender moments between us, from which I took nourishment for my faith.
My faith, that Cloud could love me in return one day. And these moments kept me going, being strong and waiting patiently for him.
Suddenly the door opened but I didn't notice it at first.
It's so insane
You've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I'm falling over
„Hey, Cloud you're finally home.", Reno suddenly said.
I didn't turn around but only the sound of his name was enough make me weak at my knees.
I wasn't able to understand this. It was so insane. After all this time, all the things we had been through, I felt like silly high school girl, bashfully adoring her secret crush.
"Again, he is unbelievably chatty." Reno said with no reservation, showing his sarcasm.
"Hard day.", was Cloud's short and only response.
He was already on his way to the stairs when I stopped him.
"Is it so hard for you to say "hello" to me?", I asked him snippy, but I regretted it just one moment later.
I really didn't want to be that way. But from time to time I felt provoked by his behavior and sometimes I was really angry with him.
"Tifa… I just wanna go to bed."
And with these words I let him go.
Sometimes I asked myself how much more patient I could be.
"Tifa, come on, forget him. Take Rude, he's not very chatty as well but not as grumpily as Mr. Strife is!", Reno said cheerfully.
Rude blushed and I had to smile. At least they tried to make me laugh.
It was late when I could finally close the bar for the night.
Some guests had no intention to go but Reno and Rude helped me to get rid of these guys.
After I said goodbye to them I locked the door and began to clean the mess.
I was not able to get Cloud's behavior out of my head. I really felt sad.
It was not the first time he treated me that way but at that moment I felt deeply vulnerable and suddenly tears welled up.
Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I'm through
Bleeding for you
Maybe I just felt lonesome. It was not only Cloud having a hard time.
I loved my work and my bar but it was stressful. I took care of two children and… no, to be honest, I took care of three children.
All I was longing for was some tenderness, support and true affection. And I desperately wanted it from him.
There were nights in which I only cried and cried. Of course I knew that it was stupid.
And of course I knew that there were tons of men which desired me.
But I just wanted Cloud. I was irrevocably in love with him. And there was nothing in this world that could change that feeling.
Suddenly I heard someone coming down the stairs. I wiped my tears off quickly and started to clean the bar.
My heart skipped a beat when I looked at his sleepy and cute face.
You look so fine...
„Good morning", he murmured after he had taken a glass of water and sat down on a barstool.
I wanted to answer him but I was afraid that he could hear the tremble in my voice.
"Tifa… what's wrong?" I could hear his confusion.
Still I wasn't able to answer him, stared at the bar and robotically whisked it.
His strong hand touched my shoulder softly and suddenly I got goose bumps.
"Do you want to talk, Tifa?"
And there it was. One of these moments. My tears came down like a waterfall und I sobbed.
"Why are you crying?"
I turned around, I didn't want him to see me cry.
"I don't know…", I said and tried to calm myself.
„I feel lonely, Cloud."
None of us spoke a word. He knew, what I was trying to say. He knew, what I wanted.
„Tifa, you know… I can't… it's…her…"
You look so fine
I'm like the desert tonight
Leave her behind
A sad smile crossed my lips.
"Yes, I know… it's her."
I'm not like all the other girls
I won't take it like the other girls
I won't fake it like the other girls
That you used to know
"But I am here Cloud. I am standing right in front of you. I'm not maybe her… but.."
I took all my courage, turned around and looked at him. I was pretty sure that he would go to his bed without another word.
But he didn't. He came a few steps closer to me and placed his hand on my cheek. My heart started to beat faster and faster. His eyes focused mine.
I wasn't able to read his thoughts at that moment. His expression was soft, his scent confused me and started a fire deep within my belly. His touch was tender.
And then he kissed me. Softly…
I didn't know why he kissed me. Did he feel sorry for me? Was it guilt? Did it hurt him to see me like that?
But I didn't want to think about it further. I laid my arms around his neck and kissed him back. The feelings within me almost drove me crazy. I forgot to breath.
After a while I looked at him and he smiled. He was so pretty that I thought my heart would burst into a thousand pieces.
You're taking me over
Drown in me one more time
Hide inside me tonight
Do what you want to do
Just pretend happy end
Let me know let it show
"Tifa...", he said softly
„I am not able to love you like you love me. I can never give you all the things, other men could give you."
I shaked my head.
"No matter what you give, it will be enough for me."
I knew that I couldn't have him for me completely. I knew that I had to share him my whole life.
He breathed deeply and kissed me again.
„ I don't want to hurt you.", he whispered.
„Be quiet.", I said with a happy smile.
Words were unnecessary.
Let's pretend, happy end
He laid me softly on his bed.
I knew that I could never have my happy ending. But for that night, my deepest wish was to pretend it.
Only for one night, Cloud.
Let's pretend, happy end
Song: Garbage - You look so fine
I don't own any rights and I don't earn money with this story.