Why Does Luigi Always Win?
A/N: I recently got Mario Party DS, and the only character I played was Luigi. I played him so much that when my sister challenged me to play as Yoshi against Luigi, I got them mixed up and was constantly wondering why my character wouldn't go the right way. XD So after that, I kinda wondered what the other characters in the game thought of Luigi's constant winning streak. Thus, this story was born.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Mario Party franchise, though I do have a copy of the DS game.
"I'm a superstar!"
"I'm a superstar!"
"I'm the superstar!"
"I'm a super—"
"AAAAAAAAAAAUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
That dreaded, three-word statement had been heard at the end of almost every minigame since the tournament began. Every game, modern, mud-filled, or miniature had usually ended with—
"Luigi wins!"
And it was driving the other competitors insane.
"And the winner is…Luigi!"
"I'm a superstar!"
Nobody else stood a chance to be 'a superstar' with Luigi storming the games. He failed at nothing. The green-clad human was the fastest, sneakiest, smartest, bounciest, luckiest, and most agile competitor, quite a difference from his usual klutzy demeanor. Even games that required strength seemed to be fair game, despite his apparent lack of muscle (especially compared to Wario). Practically the only games he lost were ones determined completely by chance instead of skill. The other players obviously weren't happy about this.
"Why?" moaned Toad as he flopped down onto his mushroom beanbag. "Why? I could've totally won if it had been anyone besides Luigi…"
"You think you've got it rough?"
Toad glanced at Wario, who was sitting on 'his' yellow couch munching a two-foot sub.
"I've been trampled and dumped to the bottom of a clock, only to find out that Luigi beat me by MINUTES, and you think YOU'RE having a hard time?!"
"Hey!" yelled Toad. "I got beaten pathetically at Domino Effect, and then got knocked under piles of wood by your stick-figure brother! I could've broken something!"
"What, your record for slowest time ever? At least you didn't get blown through a roof. I DID!"
As Toad and Waluigi bickered over who had possibly sustained the most injuries, the others present started thinking.
"You know," Mario commented, "Weegie beat me in Rail Riders earlier today, too. He went over a hundred feet more than I did and he broke a record, too." With that statement out, Mario dug into his bag of peanuts. Peach rolled her eyes.
"Slow down on the peanuts, please; you sound like an elephant. And yeah, Luigi beat me today, too. It was on Trash Landing and he nailed the soda can."
"The SODA CAN?! The flippin' SODA CAN?! Are you SERIOUS!?" Daisy yelped. "That's like what happened in Track Star today! No matter how hard I charged that train, he STILL outran it! And I charged it pretty hard!"
Wario shivered at Daisy's rant. He had been participating in Track Star with Luigi, and he couldn't blame him for running for his life. Wario reminded himself to get an invincibility star or something to make him faster the next time—especially if Luigi was driving that train. He turned to Yoshi.
"You've gotta have had something go wrong with you, too. Mind hopping on the complain train?"
Yoshi sighed as he picked an orange out of his humongous fruit bowl. 'Well, I lost to him in Cherry-Go-Round today. But I think that was because I was nibbling at the sheet cake.'
"No, it wasn't! I was there too!" Daisy added.
"And what about—"
Soon the whole room was in chaos. Nobody knew who was arguing over what, but somebody was arguing, they knew that much!
Things would have very well continued that way if it weren't for—
"Hey, guys! Quiet down, please!"
Everybody froze. That voice.
Luigi strolled in with a bag of M&M's and sat down on the back of Wario's couch. "What's going on?"
The answer was almost immediate.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WIN?!"
"Oh, that?" Luigi said in a casual tone as he popped a few candies into his mouth. "I'm Player 1."
"We KNOW that, Luigi! Now give us our answer!"
"That IS the answer. I'm Player 1. That means I'm the favorite of the main people controlling this tournament. People from outside our world. They basically control me in the official tournaments, and electronic data controls you guys."
Everyone sat in silence. The only sound was Luigi munching his M&M's.
"…You're kidding, right? You've just gone insane and everything's perfect?" Toad said weakly.
Luigi shrugged. "No, not really. Everything I said is true and applies in most of our adventures."
"LUIGI. I TOLD YOU TO STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL. STOP DOING IT NOW."
"But it's fun…" Luigi whined to the invisible voice.
"TOO BAD. YOU DO IT ENOUGH IN BOWSER'S INSIDE STORY AND SOME OTHER GAMES, WHERE YOU MERCILESSLY DESTROY IT IN EVERY BATTLE SEQUENCE."
"?"
"OH, THAT ADVENTURE HASN'T HAPPENED YET. BUT IT'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER MARIO AND LUIGI ADVENTURE. AND YES, PEACH GETS KIDNAPPED AGAIN. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING."
Peach uttered some very bad words under her breath.
"AND WHILE EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS TRUE, YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE FULL STORY. I'M PUTTING A COMPUTERIZED MEMORY LOCK ON ALL OF SO THAT NONE OF YOU REMEMBER THIS INCIDENT."
Everything flashed white, and the eight players were sitting back in the lounge.
"…What were we doing?"
'I…have absolutely no idea. But hey! I'm holding a bowl of fruit!'
"And I got a super sub, baby!"
And so life went on like nothing happened. Luigi kept winning, and the others still wondered what happened. But eventually, they all got to compete on their own levels where Luigi sat out some of the games so that the others could win. The tournament ended, and everyone went back to their normal lives and continued with the events of other games, like the Mario and Luigi DS games, Olympics, and average in-between time…
…Until the next Mario Party. Then it was only a matter of time before that question would come up again, along with…
"Yeah! Luigi wins!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
End Notes: In case you couldn't guess, Wario's game was 'All Geared Up', and they were in the tournament 'Mario Party DS'. I get the feeling that their conversation about losing to Luigi was generally useless, but it seemed to fit and it was a little funny.
No matter what, I am not going to beg for reviews. That would be humiliating and then nobody would review. Instead, I'll beg for story favs. –does said task-